sparkle & fade Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 When his Best friend calls, he lies and says it was someone else. Later, when I check (trust me, I have reasons AND issues) I find out that it wasnt who he said he was calling. It was really his friend. Who is a man. Also, I have hung out with this friend and my BF once in the past. We never fought. Got along real well. Never ever have I EVER had issues with his Best Friend at all. I rarely ever bring him up, and when I do, it is to ask how he has been, and that is that. Yet BF lies about him. Lies about hanging out with him, about calling him. Whenever we are all supposed to get together and hang out for the day, every single time the plans fall through. EVERY SINGLE TIME. for one reason or another. Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen in their relationship?
mini696 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Do you make him feel guilty for talking to his friend?
Cupcake Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 but I had an XBF who used to lie about his best friend (a guy). XBF would lie about the time he spent with his best friend. XBF would tell me that he was with his parents on a family vacation, or something. Later, I'd get a call from one of his sisters, or his mother who was looking for him. XBF had lied and told his family that he was with me. At the same time, he lied and told me he was with his family. It was the most frustrating time of my life. I actually liked his best friend and didn't understand why XBF simply couldn't tell me when they were together. Then, XBF couldn't explain why he'd lied. He said he lied because he didn't think I'd like them hanging out together. I asked what reason I'd given to make him think I didn't like them being together. XBF had no answer...because I'd never given him any reasons to believe that. Despite how much I tried to reason with, and understand my XBF's lies about his best friend, the lies continued. They got worse and worse. One weekend(we lived together), XBF left. I didn't know where he was, or why he'd left. He simply packed a few things and walked out while I was watching TV. I found out later that he and his best friend and spent the weekend together. That was the final draw for me. I had questions. XBF had no answers. So I broke up with him. A few years later, rumor spread that best friend was gay. I didn't believe it until XBF's sister confirmed that both he and his best friend had been caught having sex in a public place. Then I realized that all the lies had been his own guilt for what he was doing with his best friend in private.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I agree w/the gay thing. Either that or maybe they are doing something illegal like drugs. He is obviously doing something that makes him feel guilty. If I were you, I would seriously be making some decisions. It is my experience that people don't just lie for no reason. I hope the best for you!
Author sparkle & fade Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 Do you make him feel guilty for talking to his friend? NEVER. and as I stated before, he hardly ever comes up, and when he does, I ask how he has been. BF says "fine" and thats that. I never ask him to go into detail. Thats about it, seriously. And it is never me who brings him up. I find the whole situation alarming. Why lie about talking or hanging out with a friend? Especially a MALE friend? Someone suggested that it could be possible that perhaps my BF is jealous of this male friend and doesnt wish to incorporate him into our lives. Doesnt want myself or friend to become close or friends at all. Awhile ago, this friend of my BF was keeping company with a woman who was extremely innappropriate to all males in her presence. She would frequently act sexual, hit on other men, show them her underwear and bra (WHILE she was wearing them) was involved with at least 3 other males in which she ruined the life of one, took him for all he was worth, and damaged him socially and professionally. The other two, she ruined their image, called the police and said they beat her, raped her and other sort of things. These things were said and done out of spite. Later it was found out that she had a friend of hers (maybe this male friend of my BF) knock her around a couple of times so it would look real to the police. Pretty much anyone who got in her way she either used, or harmed. She used sex to get what she wanted. This wasnt the first time I have heard about her and all the stories about her seemed to coloborate. Yet when I asked BF about her, (her-who was taking vacations with his best friend and going out with him) he claimed to know absolutely NOTHING about her, and that he never talked to her. I am wondering if perhaps besides the gay theory, that another reason for his lying is because when he is with his friend, there is always women milling about. Guys, have you ever lied about talking or hanging with a male friend because the things you were doing with him would seriously damage the relationship with GF? Like meeting up with friend to hang out with wild women? tell me more stories.
Tim'sAngel Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Just curious, have you ever followed ur bf when he goes to see his "friend" just to see wtf they are doing? (this is prolly really bad advice)
Author sparkle & fade Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 Just curious, have you ever followed ur bf when he goes to see his "friend" just to see wtf they are doing? I think this is a moot point. I could follow them, true. But BF would definately recognize my car..and I cant borrow someone elses car at the drop of a hat. Also, I can only follow so far...If they get out and go inside the house, that tells me nothing about what is going on INSIDE the house...only that they got out of the car and went inside the house
Cupcake Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I wouldn't say it's a good idea to follow him. But it's definately safe to say, lies in a relationship are a CLEAR sign that it's a bad relationship. His lies are causing you to be suspicious. Those suspicions cause you not to have trust in him. And you need trust in order to love him.
honeybunch2k5 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I'm sorry, but if you want a good idea of what may be happening go watch Brokeback Mountain...
Author sparkle & fade Posted May 11, 2006 Author Posted May 11, 2006 I'm sorry, but if you want a good idea of what may be happening go watch Brokeback Mountain... Do you really think so??? It still comes back to the gay thing?
VegasFan Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 When his Best friend calls, he lies and says it was someone else. Later, when I check (trust me, I have reasons AND issues) I find out that it wasnt who he said he was calling. It was really his friend. Who is a man. Also, I have hung out with this friend and my BF once in the past. We never fought. Got along real well. Never ever have I EVER had issues with his Best Friend at all. I rarely ever bring him up, and when I do, it is to ask how he has been, and that is that. Yet BF lies about him. Lies about hanging out with him, about calling him. Whenever we are all supposed to get together and hang out for the day, every single time the plans fall through. EVERY SINGLE TIME. for one reason or another. Has anyone else had this kind of thing happen in their relationship? Are you one of those women who gets upset when her man leaves at all? Not trying to give you a hard time, but I know sometimes women want to know where their man is going anytime he leaves, and it backfires because the man starts getting secretive even if he's just doing something harmless like going to the convenience store for ice cream.
Walk Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I don't see why he'd have a reason to lie about going to see the friend even if other women were involved. I had an ex that would go over to his friends house on the weekends to play innocent games of poker and drink. Guys night out and all. No big deal. Then I found out that the nights out started at the club and ended with them bringing back enough girls for all of them.. He still swears he didn't have sex with the girls... but who knows. But he had no qualms about telling me he was going over to his friends house, or when his friend called, or anything. And I never questioned their guys night out. Do you have any other mutual friends that know the both of them? Have them do some recon work for you? Or maybe you could call up the best friend and ask for some honest answers about what's going on? If you're bf won't tell you, then go to the next best source. You're bf might get mad, but he's lying to you anyway.
burning 4 revenge Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 :lmao: I'm sorry, but if you want a good idea of what may be happening go watch Brokeback Mountain...
honeybunch2k5 Posted May 13, 2006 Posted May 13, 2006 Do you really think so??? It still comes back to the gay thing? Nowadays this is possible. Or perhaps he and his friend are planning you a surprise. You never know. But his actions do seem very shady...
Walk Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 You should check his undies when he gets home. See if they're his or not. Or call his friend up and ask what's going on. You need to know.
runner Posted May 14, 2006 Posted May 14, 2006 Do you really think so??? It still comes back to the gay thing? not necessarily. could be much worse: rape, murder, drugs, etc. best to just confront him on it and clear things out once and for all; and if it makes you feel better, try dropping in on them by surprise, if possible of course. but hardy har har to the brokeback mountain stuff
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