runningknight Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I've never done this before so be patient with me. I have a dilemma. Let me start by saying that I am a young man, not a teen anymore, but young. That said, a little over a year ago my high school sweetheart. A few months later I started dating my present girlfriend and we've been together for over a year now. Here's where it gets sticky, I have yet to fall in love with her. I love my ex, I told that I'd always love her and, generally, I don't lie. This isn't to say that I don't like my girlfriend, she's great, too great. She's puts up with a lot of crap. I used to pamper my girlfriends and I haven't done that at all with my present one. We also argue occasionally, which is a first in my dating history. If my ex were to ask me to be with her this very night I would honestly say no because I value loyalty above anything else. I feel as though I'm leading my girlfriend on. I love her, but I'm not IN love with her (yes there is a difference). I guess I was just under the assumption that this is how all of my relationships would be from now on, because I make them this way. I choose to be in love with my ex and to never give away my whole heart ever again (what I mean by choose is that I have made no real attempt tomove on other than dating again). I guess I thought that by dating again I would be able to move on, but I'm still head over heels for my ex. Like I said, this is a first (the forum thing) but I need an objective opinion. Any advice/wisdom would be most appreciated.
Shamrocked Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Okay, here are my two cents... Maybe you are still in love with your ex, but it honestly sounds like you are more in love with the *idea* of her. An ex is an ex for a reason - there's a reason why you are no longer together and you might be holding onto an idea of her that is not indicative of reality. Regardless, telling yourself that you are still in love with her is a pretty good excuse to remain emotionally unavailable (or distant) in any subsequent relationship. You say that your current g/f puts up with a lot of crap from you and that you argue. Well, arguments can and do happen - it doesn't mean that there is anything "wrong" in a relationship. Nevertheless, she doesn't deserve to be strung along, but she also needs to take responsibility for acting like a doormat and accepting whatever emotional "crumbs" you give her. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you just aren't into your current g/f. You might need to get yourself together, do some introspection and *be alone* before you enter your next relationship. Sorry to be blunt, but it's just the way I see it. -S-
blind_otter Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Okay, here are my two cents... Maybe you are still in love with your ex, but it honestly sounds like you are more in love with the *idea* of her. An ex is an ex for a reason - there's a reason why you are no longer together and you might be holding onto an idea of her that is not indicative of reality. Regardless, telling yourself that you are still in love with her is a pretty good excuse to remain emotionally unavailable (or distant) in any subsequent relationship. You say that your current g/f puts up with a lot of crap from you and that you argue. Well, arguments can and do happen - it doesn't mean that there is anything "wrong" in a relationship. Nevertheless, she doesn't deserve to be strung along, but she also needs to take responsibility for acting like a doormat and accepting whatever emotional "crumbs" you give her. I hate to say it, but it sounds like you just aren't into your current g/f. You might need to get yourself together, do some introspection and *be alone* before you enter your next relationship. Sorry to be blunt, but it's just the way I see it. -S- Very good advice. I agree. I feel sorry for your current GF, that is such a sad way to live. I have lived like that before, it's so ugly. For all involved.
tikigods Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I agree with the comment above, you should let your current girlfriend go since its not fair for her since you have choosen to remain emotionally distant from her. You are your ex are that way for a reason, and while a part of you may care about her, you are never going to allow yourself to have any sort of meaningful relationship, really ever, if you keep telling yourself that you aren’t ever going to loveanyone but her. Let the current girl go and date around all you want, but till you are ready to let your ex go I would suggest not getting into another long term relationship.
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