GB111 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Question out of curiosity. Has anyone who has broken up with a past loved one, particularly if the break-up was ugly, managed to revive a friendship after a period of time? Don't mean to sound too desperate, but I've been apart from my ex for about 3 months. Very ugly breakup, but nothing too personal. Just the usual "not sure if this is what I want or not" stuff. Even though she treated me like crap, I genuinely miss her. Not the sex or frankly, some other components of her personality, but I do miss her company. I do miss knowing what's going on in her life. I'm in strict NC right now, but when I'm genuinely feeling stronger I'd love to be able to talk with her again. Perhaps it's impossible... I have no interest in getting back together with her after what she's done, so I know my feelings are genuine. Before I get bombed, I am NOT trying to win her back subconciously. That ship has sailed, and frankly, I'm out dating but not sure if I even want to. I'm learning to be happy on my own, which feels pretty good! Thanks for your thoughts! GB
dgiirl Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I'm sure it's possible but i think you need a LOT more time than 3 months. Maybe in a year or 5, you two will bump into each other and then maybe you can have a friendship, but you definitely need that time apart where you can rebuild your life again without her. Learn how life is w/o the other person in it, find yourself again, and then maybe become friends. But it takes time.
Yamaha Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 By that time- unless the desire is very strong- it may be a mute point. Time takes care of many things, including missing them.
Big_A Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I dated a girl for about 5 years. We've been split up now for another 5 years. We had very limited contact for the first couple years after the break up, but we share many friends so we would run into each other occasionally. Today we are good friends. She has been good support for me while I'm going through my current break-up. The prospective that she provides, knowing how I am in a relationship has really helped me see things in a different light. However three months just isn't enough time. We all know how much you desire that contact that you once had, but letting go and allowing the future to take its course is the only way not to have one of you wanting more then a friendship.
Author GB111 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 I'm in absolute agreement that 3 months is not enough time. My apologies for the confusion. You're all probably right. I probably won't give a damn in a bit. Particularly given how I feel already... Just curious.
sick of it Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 ...not to be that guy. she dumped me almost a year ago. ihavent seen her since spetmeber or talked to her since march. i still think about her everyday and wonder about her and miss her. then again, i had been pining for most of that time and havent been on any dates (ltr)
SmoochieFace Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Not *successful* in your sense but I choose it to be that way. For me, success means never looking back. An X is an X. No looking back. I don't care what goes on in her life... matter of fact... if someone were to tell me that one of my Xs died or whatever I wouldn't even flinch. Whoops. So... according to what I deem *successful* I am successful 100%.
tallbrunettmom Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 The answer is yes. My exfiance and I had a really bad breakup. I actually jumped into a marriage shortly after our breakup to get over the hurt feelongs I had for my exfiance. Anyway, him and I are great freinds and he's a real help with my problems. We don't have sex and we talk about everything. It's a really healthy relationship. So good luck and I hope it works out for you as well.
Pyro Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I haven't spoken to one of my ex's in almost two years. Now that the feelings are long gone, i could be friends with her. All feelings should and must be gone before any sort of friendship is possible.
Author GB111 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 I guess each situation is different. I had a really crazy relationship with this girl, and can't honestly say I ever thought it was going anywhere in particular. Needless to say, eventually the other person figures that out, and now I pay the price. Nonetheless, I'm shocked at how difficult it was for me to get over her. No doubt the constant "I love you and I miss you" only to hate me 2 days later approximately 5 times after the breakup had something to do with it. Must have had more to do with rejection than true love. Heck, I broke up with her 3 times before she dumped me! In any case, I find it terribly ironic that now I'm the one who suffers. There IS karma in the world; in this case not in my favor. Still, I care for her, I miss her, and I wish her the best. I'm definitely in no condition to be her friend at this time, but I hope in time she can be some part of my life. Perhaps not, but time will tell... Also, for what it's worth, I dated a girl for 10 years, we broke up approximately 2 years ago. Never really did NC, and we still care for each other a great deal. We're great friends, and love is still a possibility. This takes a LOT of strength on the part of the dumpee as I was the one who ended the relationship while she suffered. I'll be the first one to say that NC would have really made me think, but she didn't impose it. I never really had to face life without her being some part of it. I'm a nice person, but find it remarkable that I didn't feel worse for her. All I can say is, when you've been dumped, use NC. Make the other person sleep in the bed they've made. I didn't follow my own advice in the most recent case, and it has really taken its toll. Thanks to All, GB
Just Visiting Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 It is possible to become friends with an ex. However, like everyone else has said, it is going to take a while before it can happen. I am friends with an ex-bf from 4 years back. It took us about 2.5 years and a few attempts to finally get on a good level. Now we call and help each other through our respective break-ups. He did indicate that he would like a reconciliation, but my feelings for him romantically are not there anymore. Funny, when we first broke up, I didn't think I could go on without him. So time does help heal.
shelters Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Yes. I am on friendly terms with more than one ex and each took a good amount of time where there was NC before we moved into being friends. Also, I no longer have romantic feelings for any of them.
wahaha1 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I am skeptical about being friends but I am trying.. My ex jumped right in to a marriage after our breakup..., I won't initiate any contact but I would politely reply his emails.., and the main point here is I only want to touch on topics at superficial level, i.e. I don't want to know his marriage and I don't want to talk about my relationship. I guess we can have a basic level friendship, but we won't become close friends. Probably after sometime, I won't care to reply his messages.
jerbear Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 I have not maintained friendships with any of my ex's; only one called me to ask for help after 5 years of limited contact. I turned her down, limited to zero contact only to hear from her after her issues. nah not for me.
Author GB111 Posted May 12, 2006 Author Posted May 12, 2006 Actually, the more I think about it, the less I want to be her friend. She's not worth my friendship. Interesting perspectives nonetheless. Thanks all!
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