Jambia Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 My friend met a guy that she is compatible with on all levels except for his religion believes. He is a very serious christian, and she is only spiritual. The two months relationship came to a bitter end when the guy told my girlfriend that he eventually wants to be with someone that shares his believe system. My friend is struggling whether she should learn about Christianity to eventually share that same believe of his. Or should she just move on since there are so many uncertainties? However, she believes that this guy has everything she's been looking and waiting for. Has anyone else experienced this situation and what do you have to advice my friend?
BeFree Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 She should only explore becoming more religous if she wants to be more religous. Not if she just wants to be with a guy who does not accept her for who she is. How old is she? I think almost everyone has had this experience in High School or College. Where thet meet this great person and start going to church because the other person does. They later look back and laugh at how they tried to be something the weren't or they tried to have god in their life for all the wrong reason.
basscatcher Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I met a man last summer whom I connected with on every level except out religous beliefs. I couldn't allow myself to totally fall for this guy because I knew we would have conflicts later on regarding it. He agreed with me that we both knew it would be an issue. We agreed that we couldn't go down that road together. We had a very hard time letting the idea of dating go. He would call me frequently asking me to go out or just hang out with him. I turned him down over and over. Even when he went to New Mexico for a month I was the first person he called to see when he got back.. We clicked, we connected, we enjoyed each others company, we had fun together, we were able to talk openly and honestly with one another--everything was good except out religous beliefs. I am Roman Catholic and have a strong faith; he was raised catholic but chose to leave it behind him because he believes more like the traditional native americans do. His step-mother was native american and taught him about their beliefs and he feels that belief is more appropriete then christianity.. I could have dated him and prayed he would have converted back to catholicism or at least accepted it with his beliefs but I knew the headache is a heartache and chose not to persue. I think of him from time to time and I wonder how he is doing. I hold myself back from contacting him because we both admitted that we would easily fall for one another and we both would get hurt... It wasn't easy giving him up when we clicked... You need to follow your morals, values and beliefs or you will set yourself up for heartache.
bab Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 If he has already broken up with her, she should let it go. If they were still contemplating what to do, I would advocate that both of them learn about what the other believes, but without the hidden agenda of conversioin. Really, he probably doesn't want a girl that has become Christian just so that they can be together. He wants someone who shares this passion with hiim. That's his right, and if it means enough to him that he feels they must go there separate ways, then she should respect that.
shoedevil Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I have rarely seen a relationship or marriage end that passed this test. It's worked for me thus far, but I kind of think of it as common sense: "The more similar people are in their values, backgrounds, and life goals, the more likely they are to have a successful long-term relationship." The relationship could work in the long-run, if they are compatible in every other area and he's willing to compromise somewhat. She at least appears to be open to the idea. However, if he is extremely religious, then the issue will be a big sticking point. And if the question of raising children eventually comes up...look out!
littlepiggy1 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 IMHO, a person should NEVER compromise their spiritual or religious beliefs for the sake of a relationship. It's just going to lead to unhappiness and disaster in the long run.
shoedevil Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 IMHO, a person should NEVER compromise their spiritual or religious beliefs for the sake of a relationship. It's just going to lead to unhappiness and disaster in the long run. Well, if the person's principles are strong, then I would agree. But some people are only marginally religious or attend services infrequently. I knew a couple that got married after the guy converted. They're still together and doing great. It's not inconceivable that a person could change their mind after doing some soul-searching.
ms_jnj Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 If he can't love her for who she is now, spiritual beliefs included, will she ever really be enough for him?
patsdynasty55 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 religion should only be complicated when talking about how to raise the children someone should never be forced to be the same religion as a lover they should both respect the others beliefs when it comes to children(if it gets that far) thats when it can get tricky me and my gf had this discussion some time ago, and at first it was a fight but, now ive come to the realization that what religion someone is isnt the important thing whats important is if they do believe in something, something higher than themselves what that something is really isnt as important as everyone makes it out to be
shoedevil Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 whats important is if they do believe in something, something higher than themselves what that something is really isnt as important as everyone makes it out to be I suppose a lot of religious people would disagree, otherwise why would they be a member of any particular religion? There's nothing wrong with wanting to date someone of similar faith (or politics, for that matter). One less thing to argue about is one less reason to break up.
S93D Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 This is why finding someone is difficult. Not only do you have to be compatible but your religion or lack of also has to be the same or very similar. As far as being very similar, some religions appear to be very similar except the clergy/pastor/iman would violently disagree.
patsdynasty55 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I suppose a lot of religious people would disagree, otherwise why would they be a member of any particular religion? There's nothing wrong with wanting to date someone of similar faith (or politics, for that matter). One less thing to argue about is one less reason to break up. theres nothing wrong with wanting that but personally i think there is something wrong if you dont accept others for what they believe in
shoedevil Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 but personally i think there is something wrong if you dont accept others for what they believe in I would agree if we are talking about any mainstream or otherwise benign belief system. However, there are some positions I cannot accept. If they espouse racism/sexism/radicalism, I don't see why I need to accept them. And I wouldn't want to date them.
Citizen Erased Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 IMHO, a person should NEVER compromise their spiritual or religious beliefs for the sake of a relationship. It's just going to lead to unhappiness and disaster in the long run. I think it is even worse when people compromise their relationships for religion. I am Catholic. I was born so and will die believing all I was taught. But if I saw a potential relationship with someone I felt genuine feelings for, I would not throw it away just because they werent up to my standards of what a belief system should be. Sure, children could be a problem. But then again, arent they always? What school to send them to, how strict to be with them, what sort of clothes they can wear, curfew etc etc. Compromise is essential in every relationship. Why should religion dictate every aspect of your life?
littlepiggy1 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Well, if the person's principles are strong, then I would agree. But some people are only marginally religious or attend services infrequently. I knew a couple that got married after the guy converted. They're still together and doing great. It's not inconceivable that a person could change their mind after doing some soul-searching. I suppose it depends on the situation. If a person can sincerely adopt a particular belief system, then that's one thing. But if they can't honestly believe it, then it could very likely lead to problems.
AriaIncognito Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Sometimes, even if you are brought up in 2 differing religions, you can find out that your beliefs are quite similar. I've had conversations with people of varying faiths, and sometimes, you'd be surprised at how you can be similar, if not even the same. I think it's just important that the 2 people have similar if not matching morals and beliefs for their lives. If you live by the same morals, odds are, you'd be able to get along, even religiously. Just my two cents. I realize religion is a touchy subject... Jennifer
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