DatingQuestions Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I've been dating this new guy for about two months. He is in general a very decent man. He has a very well-paying job, however, he gives me the impression of being pratical to a fault. In fact, he even said that about himself. The only thing we do outside of watching DVDs at his house, is going out to a movie (twice). He would only go to a game or a concert if they are free. He even brought me a book of coupons and told me to pick from them for free tickets to a game, otherwise, he made it clear that he will not buy them for us to go. I am sure he makes more than enough to afford those tickets, the way he is makes me feel cheap. Am I being unreasonable here?
a4a Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I've been dating this new guy for about two months. He is in general a very decent man. He has a very well-paying job, however, he gives me the impression of being pratical to a fault. In fact, he even said that about himself. The only thing we do outside of watching DVDs at his house, is going out to a movie (twice). He would only go to a game or a concert if they are free. He even brought me a book of coupons and told me to pick from them for free tickets to a game, otherwise, he made it clear that he will not buy them for us to go. I am sure he makes more than enough to afford those tickets, the way he is makes me feel cheap. Am I being unreasonable here? Sorry to say but this is just a sneak preview if you are to get serious with him.
BeFree Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I've been dating this new guy for about two months. He is in general a very decent man. He has a very well-paying job, however, he gives me the impression of being pratical to a fault. In fact, he even said that about himself. The only thing we do outside of watching DVDs at his house, is going out to a movie (twice). He would only go to a game or a concert if they are free. He even brought me a book of coupons and told me to pick from them for free tickets to a game, otherwise, he made it clear that he will not buy them for us to go. I am sure he makes more than enough to afford those tickets, the way he is makes me feel cheap. Am I being unreasonable here? A4A is right. Men always spend the most money and effort when you first start dating. If it's this bad now, it will only get worse. Soon he will be telling you what you should spend your money on. Girl if I where you, I would put my running shoes on and sprit away as fast as I could. sorry if that is harsh.
jerbear Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I do believe in frugality and yet also spend $500 on a half day massage and buy random stuff like a mac mini to be used a a DVR & DVD player. I do agree with a4a, at least do something like a $100+ dinner for 2. Is he frugal or just cheap? he maybe frugal versus cheap. "well heeled people" tend to either be very frugal & cheap, extravagent, or pretty generous.
catgirl1927 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Huge difference between being frugal and fruckin tacky. I must agree. I'm all for being smart with money, but he sounds cheap beyond reason. It's way to early in the relationship for this sort of behavior. I also think it might be a red flag, he might be kind of controlling. But more likely than not, he's a Partypooper McCheapass.
a4a Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I must agree. I'm all for being smart with money, but he sounds cheap beyond reason. It's way to early in the relationship for this sort of behavior. I also think it might be a red flag, he might be kind of controlling. But more likely than not, he's a Partypooper McCheapass. yeah buy the cheaper concert tickets but to not go unless they are free..... Do yourself a favor and ask him about it. Be blunt. Offer to pay your own way to upgraded events and see if he is too cheap to pay his own.. my bet he buys himself stuff but does not want to invest in your dates.
BeFree Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Do you pay for any of the dates? Boy, didn't you get the memo??? Girls don't pay for dates until 6 months into the relationship, and then it's only once and awhile to be nice.
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 He might be testing to make sure you're not a golddigger... Do YOU pay for any of the dates, or even offer????????
tanbark813 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Boy, didn't you get the memo??? Girls don't pay for dates until 6 months into the relationship, and then it's only once and awhile to be nice. That's not true. Almost all the girls I've been out with have paid for something at one time or another. I'll get dinner and she'll get drinks at a bar or whatever. But maybe that's because I date girls with jobs. IMHO, the OP has no right to complain unless she's paying for some of the dates. The guy should crack open the wallet a little more, so it's not all her fault, but I was wondering what the flip side of this is.
a4a Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Boy, didn't you get the memo??? Girls don't pay for dates until 6 months into the relationship, and then it's only once and awhile to be nice. Damn I f***ed up then! Please send the memos directly to me from this point on. My H is a cheap ass bastard too. When dating (if you could call it "dates") I bought dinner 80% of the time or we just probably never would have went out Run from cheap bastards....... they steal your pudding later down the road too!
catgirl1927 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I missed that memo as well!!! Tan has a good point, I didn't think of it that way. If it's been two months and you haven't paid for ANYTHING, well, I'd probably shut down the money train as well. Pudding thieves will graduate into cottage cheese thieves. Oh yeah.
jerbear Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Is he by chance in the financial field? Also one's well paying job may not be another's well paying job.
BeFree Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 We'll I have a saying: "Get me my ring and I'll pay for something." Seriously Tan, It's doesn't even sound like he has taken her out at all. So why should she start forking over the cash, when he hasn't even tried to play like he is trying.
tanbark813 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 We'll I have a saying: "Get me my ring and I'll pay for something." So you only like to date pushovers then? Seriously Tan, It's doesn't even sound like he has taken her out at all. So why should she start forking over the cash, when he hasn't even tried to play like he is trying. I'm not saying she should fork over the cash. But she did say they went to the movies twice. It's possible he paid for everything and was annoyed she didn't offer. Or maybe she did pay for part of it. She didn't specify which is why I was asking. But he definitely shouldn't have busted out a book of coupons. That's just lame.
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Also one's well paying job may not be another's well paying job. I have a well-paying job by anyone's standards, but what they don't see is my student loan payments, my freakishly high rent, my car payment, insurance, bills, AND my contributions to my mother to help take care of my grammy. There's very, very little left at the end of the month...and if I were a guy and expected to pay for all the dates (and fancy ones at that!!), sheesh, I'd likely be single!
a4a Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 sorry OP but now I have to rant! Where the hell is my camel! calling my cheap ass pudding stealing bastard H to find out. ****************************************** It could be he does not see you are a vested interest as of yet so you are not worthy of outside the house dating $$. Offer to pay for a date see what he does....... even if you are fed up with it you got to do it to satisfy MY curiosity now
BeFree Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 So you only like to date pushovers then? I'm not saying she should fork over the cash. But she did say they went to the movies twice. It's possible he paid for everything and was annoyed she didn't offer. Or maybe she did pay for part of it. She didn't specify which is why I was asking. But he definitely shouldn't have busted out a book of coupons. That's just lame. I could be way off base, but I truly don't think the girl should pay for the first few dates, unless it's her idea. Well, I guess I have it really good. I make about the same as my man and I rarely pay for anything. He does notice and makes jokes about it. But you know what I say. BUY THE RING....
jerbear Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 It's doesn't even sound like he has taken her out at all. So why should she start forking over the cash, when he hasn't even tried to play like he is trying. Very much agreed. "Get me my ring and I'll pay for something." yeah with "our" money :lmao:
2sunny Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I don't mind paying for a night out as often as he might pay. I don't have very much tolerance for "cheap." This is totally different than being smart or savvy with money though. What does classify a person as having a well paying job? Maybe it depends on where they live and the cost of living to live there. Here in Cali, one needs a significant amount of income to live an average lifestyle compared to some other areas of the country. In this particular neck of the woods, 100k would be enough to live modesty (generally speaking) - but if you want to own a home and have some free time to enjoy the surroundings - it kind of needs to be more like 200k. I hate to say it like that - because it is sad, but true.....
catgirl1927 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I don't think this was what the original poster intended, for this thread to become a debate about whether or not women should have to pay for dates. I personally think it should be half and half from the very beginning. BUT, I think, to address the OPs original question we really need to know if she's offered to pay for anything.
BeFree Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Hey Tan, I'll be in SF on Sat. You can buy me lunch and I'll pay for ONE drink.
jerbear Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I could be way off base, but I truly don't think the girl should pay for the first few dates, unless it's her idea. If that was true I'll be broke! One date was over $200 (got a 50% discount because I knew the ticket sellers, the other was $1000 (trip to see one of her idols on tv) and we're now ex's. As a guy, I try to never have the girl pay unless she specifically says so beforehand; especially when I ask her out. Now if she threatens with no pudding for you (ie. no sex); that is another story or maybe she is "paying for my services?" :lmao: :lmao: I do make ok money but don't think it is a well paying job.
luvtoto Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 but I was wondering what the flip side of this is. Things will even out if they end up getting married. Ever go through 9 months of pregnancy and 12 hrs of labor? Let the man spoil the woman!~
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