incubus075 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Its been about a year since my ex and I broke up. She in is her second relationship in that time and this one is going really well for her. Between her 2 relationships, we hung out for a while and a couple of times things happened between us but nothing much. I have tried dating in that time but I have a hard time with it. I still find it extremely difficult to find interest in other women. I know I dont want her, I want who she was. And I realize that I still love her but Im not IN love with her but it can be hard to separate. Ive gotten to the point where I dont miss her and think about her all the time, Im down to maybe 20% of the time. Its made even harder because we are part of some of the same online communities so I see posts and pictures she adds and I get to hear about how wonderful her new guy is and how happy she is. One thing that gets me, which I guess shouldnt, is how the current person always makes you the happiest and how "no one could make me happier, etc" and all that stuff. Even though they said all those things to you as well when you were dating. It just sux to see/hear it when that person says it to someone else knowing that you will see it. But I guess thats the way it goes. I just tend to not throw around certain words and phrases because I do think they mean something.
sick of it Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 One thing that gets me, which I guess shouldnt, is how the current person always makes you the happiest and how "no one could make me happier, etc" and all that stuff. Even though they said all those things to you as well when you were dating. It just sux to see/hear it when that person says it to someone else knowing that you will see it. But I guess thats the way it goes. I just tend to not throw around certain words and phrases because I do think they mean something. that makes past relationships difficult in my opinion...though ive only had one, i know what she said to me. and i know what she says to the new guy. i dont see how you feel that way again. or how you lose those feelings. i also dont see how you trust someones words again. but... the past is past and i guess how you feel NOW is what you react to.
dgiirl Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I know it's unfair but i think one of you two are going to have to drop this community. My exh and I were also a big part of an online community. At first my ex said he'd leave it, so i stayed. Then he went back, which angered me. But then he finally left. I know he still lurks, but he doesnt post so I'm happy about it. I've also left another community for him. So we dont run into each other. I dont want to know the details of his life, I dont want to see him laughing and joking around like old times. It is only going to hurt me and I need to heal. I think you need to too. And I think you have no choice but to drop the community and find another one.
Author incubus075 Posted May 11, 2006 Author Posted May 11, 2006 that makes past relationships difficult in my opinion...though ive only had one, i know what she said to me. and i know what she says to the new guy. i dont see how you feel that way again. or how you lose those feelings. i also dont see how you trust someones words again. but... the past is past and i guess how you feel NOW is what you react to. It does make it hard to trust and allow yourself those feelings again. To have someone tell you how much they love you and want to spend the their life with you and have children, and literally within 5 days, have that person do a complete 180 and then leave you. I could never imagine myself doing that to someone else. My feelings dont change like that.
GB111 Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 I'm with you. My ex did that to me. Told me she loved me, wanted to marry me, have children in 6 months, etc., etc., and was gone within 3 days. After I try to reconcile, she says "we will never be anything more than friends... NEVER! Nice, really nice.
Numbheart Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 It does make it hard to trust and allow yourself those feelings again. To have someone tell you how much they love you and want to spend the their life with you and have children, and literally within 5 days, have that person do a complete 180 and then leave you. I could never imagine myself doing that to someone else. My feelings dont change like that. How true, although my ex took 45 minutes!...so naturally expected another 180 maybe a few days later...never happened! And GB111 sorry, your last post made me laugh....Nice, really nice!!..aint they just eh?
Author incubus075 Posted May 11, 2006 Author Posted May 11, 2006 Yeah mine pretty much told me we would never get back together too. Part of me wants it but part of me doesnt. I couldnt go thru that again..it destroyed me. And Id have to be crazy to think it wouldnt happen again with her. But you also have no way to know if/when it will happen to someone else. Its whacked. Of all the types of problems in a relationship I thought I might have, this wasnt one of them.
Recommended Posts