RealityCheck Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Dear Diary…… I fell into a situation with a MM. Yes! Me of all people! Initially, I thought what the heck! It will never be anything other than casual company and will suit my needs perfectly and cater to the space I was in after my marriage. Did I get the wrong number! I fell hard and fast! My A was short lived of only 5 months, but my feelings for this Man ran deep! I really fell in love with him! I got s*** scared! I was terrified at how much I was in love with a Man who belonged to another! So I ended the A. In the aftermath of letting go, I felt so much pain! So much loss! And; So much confusion! My emotions were scattered in every direction! I lost the ability to focus on even simple tasks and became so de-motivated! It took so much effort to do anything and strangely enough to do the things I actually loved to do! I was consumed with thoughts of him! NUTS! I continued to recieve emails from him, confessing his love for me and how much he was hurting! Mmmmmm…….those emails. *Sigh* My poor Baby! Gosh! I don’t want to see him hurting! In fact, what the hell have I done! We are BOTH so in love with each other! I should put an end to all of this turmoil and respond to those heart felt emails! Get us back to the LOVE! You know! The LOVE that knows no boundries, the unselfish kind, the type of love that would NEVER put another before me! A partner who is ALWAYS there! *sigh* Dear Writer….. STOP YOURSELF!!! Yes!! Write him back and tell him to NEVER contact you again. Do you actually know what those emails are doing? They are not allowing you to heal! Preventing you from moving forward! Furthermore, let me address this LOVE thing! Firstly, there are many forms of Love, and probably you are feeling love of some kind and so is he, but certainly NOT the kind of love you have always wanted and deserve! Now think about this for a second, you have been proposed to four times in your life! Married twice! Each of the Men, cut from a different cloth in terms of occupation and looks however very similar in not fulfilling your “Standard” in Love! You always gave yourself permission to accept less than what your heart desired! The o’l “rose colored glasses” syndrome. Though the men were different, the experience was the same! Time and time again, you have been faced with basically the same lesson! I know you are aware! You simply choose to make detours, excuses and ignore what you already know because you cloud your judgment with thinking “you can accept” something less than what you can whole heartedly give! THAT IS: no boundries, selflessness, and equality! In the case of the MM, is it not true you left previous relationships for “Lessor” reasons. I mean really! The others may not have met your “Standard”, but one thing is for certain, they always made you the only ONE woman in their life? Dear Diary……. Thank you for reminding me and being my conscious! Yes, I will remain NC and know that I refuse to settle for much, much more LESS than my “Love Standard”
zarathustra Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Dear Diary…… I fell into a situation with a MM. Yes! Me of all people! Initially, I thought what the heck! It will never be anything other than casual company and will suit my needs perfectly and cater to the space I was in after my marriage. Did I get the wrong number! I fell hard and fast! My A was short lived of only 5 months, but my feelings for this Man ran deep! I really fell in love with him! I got s*** scared! I was terrified at how much I was in love with a Man who belonged to another! So I ended the A. In the aftermath of letting go, I felt so much pain! So much loss! And; So much confusion! My emotions were scattered in every direction! I lost the ability to focus on even simple tasks and became so de-motivated! It took so much effort to do anything and strangely enough to do the things I actually loved to do! I was consumed with thoughts of him! NUTS! I continued to recieve emails from him, confessing his love for me and how much he was hurting! Mmmmmm…….those emails. *Sigh* My poor Baby! Gosh! I don’t want to see him hurting! In fact, what the hell have I done! We are BOTH so in love with each other! I should put an end to all of this turmoil and respond to those heart felt emails! Get us back to the LOVE! You know! The LOVE that knows no boundries, the unselfish kind, the type of love that would NEVER put another before me! A partner who is ALWAYS there! *sigh* Dear Writer….. STOP YOURSELF!!! Yes!! Write him back and tell him to NEVER contact you again. Do you actually know what those emails are doing? They are not allowing you to heal! Preventing you from moving forward! Furthermore, let me address this LOVE thing! Firstly, there are many forms of Love, and probably you are feeling love of some kind and so is he, but certainly NOT the kind of love you have always wanted and deserve! Now think about this for a second, you have been proposed to four times in your life! Married twice! Each of the Men, cut from a different cloth in terms of occupation and looks however very similar in not fulfilling your “Standard” in Love! You always gave yourself permission to accept less than what your heart desired! The o’l “rose colored glasses” syndrome. Though the men were different, the experience was the same! Time and time again, you have been faced with basically the same lesson! I know you are aware! You simply choose to make detours, excuses and ignore what you already know because you cloud your judgment with thinking “you can accept” something less than what you can whole heartedly give! THAT IS: no boundries, selflessness, and equality! In the case of the MM, is it not true you left previous relationships for “Lessor” reasons. I mean really! The others may not have met your “Standard”, but one thing is for certain, they always made you the only ONE woman in their life? Dear Diary……. Thank you for reminding me and being my conscious! Yes, I will remain NC and know that I refuse to settle for much, much more LESS than my “Love Standard” It is sooooo true! I said to a girlfriend once that my xMM has the ability to love me the way I want to be loved, but does not have (or no longer has) the desire to deliver the ability. My H has the desire but not the ability (at the time we separated, he didn't). Personally, I think that desire is more important that ability as you can acquire ability but not desire. I know that there are certain things that are important to me to maintain a relationship. I have spelled those out to my H. As he continues to deliver on those things, I find that I love him more and more. As he starts to deliver more than what I've asked, I love him even more. If he starts to not deliver, I know how to pack well and he knows that I'll pack him up nicely to find a new home for himself.
Author RealityCheck Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 Zara.... I'm happy for you that your H is trying! That is awesome news! Unfortunately for me, it was too little to late. When the ex's did decide to try, I was already packed and gone! Needless to say, so was the love. Never could get it back!
zarathustra Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Zara.... I'm happy for you that your H is trying! That is awesome news! Unfortunately for me, it was too little to late. When the ex's did decide to try, I was already packed and gone! Needless to say, so was the love. Never could get it back! Aw, that's too bad. My H said that he didn't want to regret not giving 'us' one more try. He said that he thought that I would regret and wonder 'what if' for the rest of my life if I didn't either. He knew that when I went back home in January that I cared deeply for him, but that I was really confused and lost. He took whatever I could give him and he was really good to me. So how can I not try? I did and I'm happy that I'm trying. How are you doing today?
Author RealityCheck Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 Zara..... Jeepers! you brought tears to my eyes! I only hoped the ex would have given me something! Good for you! I am doing really well Zara!! 5 days sober without any cravings for the exMM *laughing*
rossm Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 RealityCheck & Zarathustra: You're great. Thanks for posting.
zarathustra Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Zara..... Jeepers! you brought tears to my eyes! I only hoped the ex would have given me something! Good for you! I am doing really well Zara!! 5 days sober without any cravings for the exMM *laughing* I am lucky... my H saw my leaving for what it was. He knew that my xMM and I got together shortly after I left him and that he lived with me. He saw the xMM for what he was, that there were problems in the marriage and that I was done. It hurt him tremendously and I feel sick to my stomach that I'm capable of hurting someone so much. But at the same time, his willingness to fight for my love told me how much he really loved me. He didn't promise to always fight for my love like xMM did, but he showed it to me which is much much more than xMM was willing to do. When things get hard, my H is willing to help with me on things now rather than letting me be the one carrying the burden which he was doing before. Again, I think its the desire that is more important than the ability. When there is the desire, with careful instructions and the use of really small words, I think most men can learn to please their women. When his desire to please me is exhausted, then I can spend my energy packing him up if he's too tired.
Walking away Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Reality Check.... I am exactly where you are! Hugs WA
Author RealityCheck Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 WA..... You go girl!!! Yippeee!! *balloons* *streamers* *party horn* *confetti* *Big Hugs*
StoneyHeart Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Dear Diary…… I fell into a situation with a MM. Yes! Me of all people! Initially, I thought what the heck! It will never be anything other than casual company and will suit my needs perfectly and cater to the space I was in after my marriage. Did I get the wrong number! I fell hard and fast! My A was short lived of only 5 months, but my feelings for this Man ran deep! I really fell in love with him! I got s*** scared! I was terrified at how much I was in love with a Man who belonged to another! So I ended the A. In the aftermath of letting go, I felt so much pain! So much loss! And; So much confusion! My emotions were scattered in every direction! I lost the ability to focus on even simple tasks and became so de-motivated! It took so much effort to do anything and strangely enough to do the things I actually loved to do! I was consumed with thoughts of him! NUTS! I continued to recieve emails from him, confessing his love for me and how much he was hurting! Mmmmmm…….those emails. *Sigh* My poor Baby! Gosh! I don’t want to see him hurting! In fact, what the hell have I done! We are BOTH so in love with each other! I should put an end to all of this turmoil and respond to those heart felt emails! Get us back to the LOVE! You know! The LOVE that knows no boundries, the unselfish kind, the type of love that would NEVER put another before me! A partner who is ALWAYS there! *sigh* Dear Writer….. STOP YOURSELF!!! Yes!! Write him back and tell him to NEVER contact you again. Do you actually know what those emails are doing? They are not allowing you to heal! Preventing you from moving forward! Furthermore, let me address this LOVE thing! Firstly, there are many forms of Love, and probably you are feeling love of some kind and so is he, but certainly NOT the kind of love you have always wanted and deserve! Now think about this for a second, you have been proposed to four times in your life! Married twice! Each of the Men, cut from a different cloth in terms of occupation and looks however very similar in not fulfilling your “Standard” in Love! You always gave yourself permission to accept less than what your heart desired! The o’l “rose colored glasses” syndrome. Though the men were different, the experience was the same! Time and time again, you have been faced with basically the same lesson! I know you are aware! You simply choose to make detours, excuses and ignore what you already know because you cloud your judgment with thinking “you can accept” something less than what you can whole heartedly give! THAT IS: no boundries, selflessness, and equality! In the case of the MM, is it not true you left previous relationships for “Lessor” reasons. I mean really! The others may not have met your “Standard”, but one thing is for certain, they always made you the only ONE woman in their life? Dear Diary……. Thank you for reminding me and being my conscious! Yes, I will remain NC and know that I refuse to settle for much, much more LESS than my “Love Standard” This is SO TRUE! I am so glad to have this to read- it is exactly what I need to keep it together- today is really only Day 1 (again) but this time no discussion about it, just blocked. Blocked him on Sunday BUT THE FILTERS DIDN"T BLOCK IT! So chatted some (a lot) about Monday, but he told me not to think so much, so I figured out the other layer of blocking and without a word, I have made it through 1 day. That sounds silly, but a major victory, now I just need to string those days together- and I didn't sleep one second last night, but did make it through a few hours at the office without wanting to check the spam filter....I'll count that as regaining some power in my life today.
Author RealityCheck Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 StoneyHeart..... It is so easy to fall off the wagon when our emotions are in turmoil! Give yourself a hug for being aware and remember its NEVER to late to get back on and ride the storm!!! *BigHug*
StoneyHeart Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Thank you so much! This forum is helping me so much believe that this time NC will be different! It is hard to admit but part of me was ready to BEG him for forgiveness for cutting off contact- I have no spine when it comes to him (and what I would do for a brief hug....) Anyway, this is giving me an outlet to vent when I need to let go. And I just read that one thread where everyone let the mean "guest" have it- so I guess this is pretty safe place to work through all this and let go!! I tell you one of the things that REALLY REALLY helps is to hear how much MM talked the lingo of all these MM do- (Even though he swears he's never done this before). I read one thread last night where the MM said that he just made up the money issue as an excuse not to hurt the OW's feelings as to why he wouldn't leave. Maybe some are sincere with that excuse, but when I was reading that guy on here it just struck me like a ton of bricks- that's just an excuse- if had really wanted to leave her that wouldn't stop him- he's just stringing me along with love talk. Anyway, that was the thought that helped me today. It looks like a lot of people spend a lot of time here- please know you are helping real people!!!! Hopefully one day I either won't need to be here or can help more than I receive. THANK YOU!
Author RealityCheck Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 StoneyHeart..... For me, ending my A was the hardest goodbye I have EVER had to do! It really is a tough one! You know, I always felt for the W, but MAN!!! Now that I have actually experienced the A, I totally feel for the OW!! Such a horrible place to be. Maybe this is what they mean by having an A is "EVIL"....it is a dark place that's for sure!!
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