RetroMan Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I'm starting to get really frustrated...it's now into May, and yet I'm still pining after the girlfriend I broke up with at the beginning of January after she went back to university. I decided on No Contact the last time she came back about a month ago, and said that I couldn't speak to her again until I was happy in myself again and because she's moved on and I haven't. Last night I made the mistake of seaching to see if she was on 'myspace' and I found her profile and looked at a few photos of her out having fun with her uni friends and it just broke my heart and I had to text her to ask how she was. I know it was silly to look for her but I still miss her so much and I know I still love her. I'm actually sort of with someone else right now...although we agreed to keep it as just f**k buddies because I didn't feel ready for a new relationship, although I am pretty much certain that all I would have to do is say the word and she'd be my full-time girlfriend which I guess isn't an ideal situation but I always tell her that if she ever feels unhappy with the situation to let me know. We're not perfectly suited, but we have fun together and I wouldn't mind 'going-out' with her...but how can I when I still have these lingering thoughts about my ex? I feel so jealous at the idea that someone else might be touching her that it makes me physically feel like puking. Thing is, I want to have my cake and eat it. Here I am enjoying my little arrangement for sex, but I literally could not bear the idea of my ex doing that with someone else. This is getting me down quite a bit at the moment. Is this common?
Big_A Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Have you talked to people close to you about this? My ex and I have only been split for a month and I've been trying to date a little. Mostly I've been talking to other women on the phone, but it is nice. When I feel weird about the ex, I talk to my friends. They remind me that I have to move on. Happiness is out there, it may take a little more time. BTW - Part of No Contact is not keeping tabs on her. Don't look at her my space. Don't ask how she is doing. Don't do anything that makes you think about her, if you can help it.
Pantero Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Okay, couple of things: #1) You broke up with her 4 months ago and now you can't stand the fact that she's moving on (i.e. when you found her MySpace, it just got worse, didn't it?) #2) The f*ck buddy situation - I hope you're not rebounding, because trust me it sucks. I've been the victim of a -->REBOUND<-- once and it wasn't fun. I bring this up just because I see a red flag. Red Flag: You're not over the ex, and you're with another girl maybe because you just missed the intimacy? But then you have the intimacy and now more than ever; you miss your ex. You're jealous at the thought of some other guy touching her or having fun with her the way you used to...maybe you really do want her back, or maybe you just can't stand that she's moved on so quick...? You need to address these questions. Also, beware of your f*ck buddy's intentions. I don't know if you ever saw that movie "Vanilla Sky", but what happened between Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz in that movie kind of makes me wary...lol. Those who've seen it will probably know what I mean. #3) As the other poster said - NC means TOTAL NC. But, it's tough to stay away from someone's "online" life. Just do the best you can with that. My advice? I say you need to do a little fine-tuning and soul-searching on yourself before you get hurt, you hurt your f*ck buddy, or vice versa. As far as this being common - I think it might be. Maybe you're just feeling guilty and over time realized you've made a mistake and now it may be too late to fix it (i.e. the "one that got away"). Of course, all this is my personal take on it. Some may agree and some may not. Like I said, emotions will rumble - but time will settle them. Good luck.
scobro Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I could only offer friendship and great sex, Man I wish a woman would say that too me.geeeez
pippen_2k Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 This time last year I was an absolute mess over a breakup. Thought I lost the love of my life and I really couldnt believe how low I had stooped. A year later I couldnt care less about this women, so time did run its course. But the biggest factor for me moving on was meeting another girl who I really 'digged' .... I look back now and just shake my head at how pathetic I acted. So I believe time is a big factor but so is meeting someone else
been7077 Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 Retroman, Pantero makes a lot of sense. My long-term -- and I do mean long term-- girlfriend dumped me for some guy on New Year's day couple of years ago, and it about killed me. And I wanted to jump on any woman close to me for many reasons. I am sorry I can't speak to the experience of having a f**k buddy, but I do know that generally one party is just play acting that role in hopes of more. Your confusion IS quite common, and until the answers come to you --and her-- it will be a mental mess. Now my ex has dumped the new model and is looking at the old model --i.e., me -- again. I am at the point now that I am totally uncomfortable with it because it will be a rebound for her and almost an intrusion in my new life. Doesn't mean I don't have feelings for her, but I will not "retro-relate" because I believe in moving forward. Can she fit into my new life? Is she willing to take the time to really see me as a person? Questions, yes, but time will speak.
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