seamaid Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 What would you do or think if: Your SO had a friend of the opposite sex who keeps calling your SO about once a month whenever she gets drunk to sob and rant about her miseries And... your SO used to want to sleep with her and kept getting rejected as a potential "lover" (she said she could never be attracted to him that way) so that's why he accepted being her friend and would be her shoulder to cry on, hoping for more And now... SO has been a great loving committed boyfriend for 8 months and says he's no longer interested in her as more than a friend and even realized she was wrong for him and is incomparable to his current gf But... she keeps calling him! Sometimes waking him up at 5 am! He has even told her she is not a very good friend to him (because all she does is use him for his sympathy). She knows about me. She's also expressed a little jealousy, even though she too has a bf now (not a great relationship apparently though). She has whined to him "why don't you ever call me anymore?" And she has told him that any time he was back in the old neighborhood, he should visit and introduce me to her. He's not interested in meeting her, with or without me. I don't really worry about the present, because things are great. But what if things get rocky, and she's still there? He used to be interested in her; that bothers me. She's a relic of the past who insists on keeping things the way it used to be, though he's not interested. She's not a good friend to him. I honestly wish she could just phase herself out of his/our life and find someone else who would listen to her. But I can't tell him which friends he can have. He knows it kinda bothers me, even though I trust him. I know he loves me. :sigh: It's not really a problem, just a minor irritant. Argh... Any opinions? Anyone else who knows what I'm talking about?
Ladyybug Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Boy do I know what you mean and I hate to admit that I may have been that annoying friend a time or two. Both my bestfriends are male. She is crossing the line though! No one should be calling at 5am period! And he has to be the one to correct her. It sounds like you think he doesnt want to be friends with her anymore. Thats probably not the case, unless she's psycho and is stalking him. He's encouraging her behavior if he's picking up the phone or running to her aid. I was also in the same place as you. My bf had a friend that he was attracted to before he met me. She would do the same thing, call him crying all the time, but he knew he had to put a stop to that...quickly!
Author seamaid Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 Thanks for replying, Ladyybug! I do feel bad for my bf's friend for having bad luck, but 1) from what I have heard from him, she seems to wallow in pessimism and doesn't try to improve her life much, and 2) her actions indicate that she is not a very considerate "friend" but pretty much uses him. I don't see how maintaining that relationship could be anything but toxic. Oh well. I guess I should let time solve this one. Eventually, she'll phase out, I hope. If not, I'll have a serious talk with him about it.
tikigods Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Simple fact is that if he didn't want her pestering him still she wouldn't. She knows what his intentions were, and she is using that. She still has him on a string and can pull them whenever she wants to to get him by herseide.
Ladyybug Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Simple fact is that if he didn't want her pestering him still she wouldn't. She knows what his intentions were, and she is using that. She still has him on a string and can pull them whenever she wants to to get him by herseide. Your welcome seamaid, and good luck! But this is sort of my point. Maybe you should talk to him anyway, because it's probably not as big of a problem to him as it is to you.
Kengne Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 It would bother me that my bf used to be attracted to this female friend, but you have to trust him when he says he's no longer attracted to her etc... As for her calling him @ 5AM - well, that's HIS friend. Maybe that's the type of friendship they have? Personally I don't really see what the big deal is with the 5AM call. Wouldn't it still be annoying if she called at 5PM whining & searching for sympathy? Anywho - at the end of the day she's HIS friend and only HE can choose to end the friendship. Even though he doesn't see her or call her as much anymore, he obv still has SOME friendship ties to her or else you wouldn't be posting here. But like you said - it's not your place to tell him who he should & shouldn't be friends with. I don't think you should bring up your concerns to him again, being that he already knows. But feel free to post here to vent! I think as more time passes by... their friendship will naturally fizzle out... just give it some more time. K.
Recommended Posts