runningknight Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I've never done this before so be patient with me. I have a dilemma. Let me start by saying that I am a young man, not a teen anymore, but young. That said, a little over a year ago my high school sweetheart. A few months later I started dating my present girlfriend and we've been together for over a year now. Here's where it gets sticky, I have yet to fall in love with her. I love my ex, I told that I'd always love her and, generally, I don't lie. This isn't to say that I don't like my girlfriend, she's great, too great. She's puts up with a lot of crap. I used to pamper my girlfriends and I haven't done that at all with my present one. We also argue occasionally, which is a first in my dating history. If my ex were to ask me to be with her this very night I would honestly say no because I value loyalty above anything else. I feel as though I'm leading my girlfriend on. I love her, but I'm not IN love with her (yes there is a difference). I guess I was just under the assumption that this is how all of my relationships would be from now on, because I make them this way. I choose to be in love with my ex and to never give away my whole heart ever again. Like I said, this is a first (the forum thing) but I need an objective opinion. Any advice/wisdom would be most appreciated.
Adunaphel Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 You remind me a lot of a couple of male friends of mine who has been basically in your same situation. I will give you very honest advice: if after a year you are not in love with her, break up. Everyone who enters a committed relationship deserves to be with someone who is in love with him/her. You are basically wasting her time - of course you are also wasting *your own* time, but I'm more worried about hers, since you are the one who is not in love. You said you *chose* to be still in love with your ex. So it's not like you can't help it and you would forget about her but you can't manage to, but you have basically decided to continue being in love with her? It's not like you can't move on, you *don't want* to move on? First, this is self-destructive behaviour. Are you aware of it? Perhaps you think that *choosing* to be in love with your ex will make you a sort of romantic hero in your ex's eyes, well, it is wrong. It just makes you look like a git in the eyes of everyone who knows you are in love with your ex and in a relationship with someone else. I also think that if you *chose* to continue being in love with your ex it is very, very selfish to enter a relationship with someone else. Not fair to your partner. Of course if you entered the relationship *hoping* to fall out of love with your ex, my opinion would be different, but I'd still advise you to break up.
OzGirl Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Why aren't you with the sweetheart you love anymore? Surely, if you loved (and still do) her that much... did she love you? If it isn't making you happy, have you thought of this: your current g/f... maybe she really loves you, but you don't have the same maddening deep love for her... maybe she feels about you the way you feel about your ex? If that's the case, would you want her to continue loving you whilst you know it's not reciprocated, and you know how that feels, because that's how your ex feels about you? Just some food for thought. I don't know what the 'right' advice is, but if your heart is with someone, then why is their's not with you?
rossm Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 runningknight: I think you may have landed on the wrong board. You should try http://www.loveshack.org/forums/f5/ But, it sounds like you see your current partner as more of a friend. That's fine, I guess, if that's what you both want. If she sees you as something more, then you should do her a favor and let her know how you feel now, so that she can make a decision on whether this relationship is right for her.
Author runningknight Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 I don't really know what category to lump this problem under, I reposted where you daid to though, thank you.
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