whichwayisup Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Why not just tell him you're not interested in keeping intouch with him anymore. Be upfront and say you think it would be best if he didn't call you ever again. You don't owe him ANYTHING more than that. It's just that if you don't say it to him, he's just gonna keep on calling and calling. NOT that he deserves your attention or respect, but atleast by telling him (more or less) goodbye, you CAN go on with your life without him hasseling you. I am glad you saw the light about him and were SO strong in fighting against your heart. And it's cool to see others read about your situation, learn from it and call you inspirational! I know this sounds corny, but be really proud of yourself!
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Thanks for the words. Don't give up, it takes us all different lengths of time to get over someone. I was seriously expecting it to take me months and months but something clicked, the more I read this thread and thank goodness I snapped out of it in a way I could never have dreamed of. As far as the new guy, I should probably start a new thread, but the previous experience I had is messing with my head. I connected really fast with this new person, he is the opposite of the last one, so kind and always wanting to do things with me, inviting me over to meet his friends right away and so on. At first I was going along with it, but suddenly I am avoiding him like the plague, fearing he might end up hurting me just like the last one did. The last time I called him he said he was upset and feels like he is chasing me, always calling and calling and texting until I finally get back to him and always making excuses not to see hm. I didn't know how to respond so I said I would call him back and I haven't for a couple of days now. We were supposed to see each other Saturday but I made an excuse the same day to get out of it, then didn't return his call and Sunday said I'd call back and haven't yet. He seems too good to be true, just like the last guy did only the last one started throwing bombshells and now I'm nervous to put my self in a situationt that could allow the same thing to happen again. The sad thing is he thinks I am not interested in him and I'm scared he will move on. Maybe you jumped into another relationship too fast. I'm not saying that's wrong but it seems like you haven't healed yet from the last guy. I'm sure he did mess with your head and it's giving you anxiety about your new relationship, because like you said, you don't want to get hurt. Which kinda explains that you might have a hard time trusting guys. At least I do. After I had 2 bad relationships, I quickly moved into the relationship I'm in now, the f buddy relationship. The problem was that I never took a breather in between relationships, I just jumped from one to the next. I really should've gotten help to improve myself so I wouldn't continue to fall into these relationships. I would suggest to take time for yourself, and focus on learning who you are, who you want to be, and who you want to be with. And you don't have to be with someone to make yourself happy, you should be the one to make yourself happy. keep me up to date k
whichwayisup Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Crap, ignore the first part of my advice. I thought you were talking about the Player guy... Keep the last part of my post reply to you, cuz it's TRUE. Now I need to re-read about your new guy and I'll give you my thoughts on that. Sorry about the mix-up there! LOL!
whichwayisup Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 As far as the new guy, I should probably start a new thread, but the previous experience I had is messing with my head. I connected really fast with this new person, he is the opposite of the last one, so kind and always wanting to do things with me, inviting me over to meet his friends right away and so on. At first I was going along with it, but suddenly I am avoiding him like the plague, fearing he might end up hurting me just like the last one did. Just be upfront with him and let him know you recently are out of a bad relationship and you have some insecurities. Let him know your fears of being hurt. If you like him, there is no reason not to tell him how you feel. This guy isn't that guy from before...I know it's easy to tell you to trust this new guy, but you do have to have some faith...Go with your gut too. The last time I called him he said he was upset and feels like he is chasing me, always calling and calling and texting until I finally get back to him and always making excuses not to see hm. I didn't know how to respond so I said I would call him back and I haven't for a couple of days now. Again, be upfront with him. Maybe you need to tell him to take things real slowly... We were supposed to see each other Saturday but I made an excuse the same day to get out of it, then didn't return his call and Sunday said I'd call back and haven't yet. He seems too good to be true, just like the last guy did only the last one started throwing bombshells and now I'm nervous to put my self in a situationt that could allow the same thing to happen again. The sad thing is he thinks I am not interested in him and I'm scared he will move on. I'm sure he DOES think that you aren't into him...So, the sooner you let him know that you DO like him, it's just that you're afraid of getting hurt again. No need to go into any detail about your previous relationship, but you can tell him that you were really hurt and felt used... He likes ya, he'll hang around and wait for you...
Walk Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Fun2Be, I mean this like a friend.. but you seem to always run away from a guy when you think he's the greatest and you really like him. And then as soon as he gets frustrated and gives up, you run after him like mad and beat yourself up over it. Its just how it seems from what you've posted in the past anyways. A re-ocurring cycle.
RecordProducer Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 He could've run for a politician's post. Hahahahahah! I really liked this one. I guess right now it's not very fun 2 BU, huh! Look, if you think you're the only one that was priviledged and chosen to taste men's s***, you're dead wrong. We all know how it tastes and we can cook it too. We also know how rotten s*** smells and usually think: "Wow! This s*** tasted soooo good just a few days ago! Was my nose plugged?" Yes, our noses were plugged and we only saw the whipped cream on top, but ate the whole s***. You know why women don't talk about it? Because we are ashamed and don't want to remember. But what you're going through (pain because of a man) - we've all been through. You've been through before too. Maybe 10% of men are bad, maybe 50%, maybe 99%. But you only need one good man and you will find him sooner or later. Don't humiliate yourself by contacting him. Forget about him. It will take a little time, but you'll get over. Have mercy for yourself and don't let the girl inside of you lose her sanity and self-respect over one s***ty man. Let the flies land on him. You be the butterfly!
Mary3 Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Just be upfront with him and let him know you recently are out of a bad relationship and you have some insecurities. Let him know your fears of being hurt. If you like him, there is no reason not to tell him how you feel. This guy isn't that guy from before...I know it's easy to tell you to trust this new guy, but you do have to have some faith...Go with your gut too. Again, be upfront with him. Maybe you need to tell him to take things real slowly... I'm sure he DOES think that you aren't into him...So, the sooner you let him know that you DO like him, it's just that you're afraid of getting hurt again. No need to go into any detail about your previous relationship, but you can tell him that you were really hurt and felt used... He likes ya, he'll hang around and wait for you... I agree with this 100%
Laura_t Posted June 28, 2006 Posted June 28, 2006 Get rid of this guy asap! he's taking you for a fool. if he's saying he loves you then why's he with any other women? you've fallen right into his trap and your taking his word on everything... Find out who the uther women are.. go and talk to them and ask them if they know about what he's up to.. if they don't you should maybe all get together and show him how angry you are
Author Fun2BMe Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 I quickly moved into the relationship I'm in now, the f buddy relationship. The problem was that I never took a breather in between relationships, I just jumped from one to the next. I really should've gotten help to improve myself so I wouldn't continue to fall into these relationships. I would suggest to take time for yourself, and focus on learning who you are, who you want to be, and who you want to be with. And you don't have to be with someone to make yourself happy, you should be the one to make yourself happy. keep me up to date k The thing is, for me I can't switch on and off. What I mean is, I can't say time out, I need a break. If I end up meeting someone I am very intrested in, I can't push him away because I need time to myself. Then when I feel I have had time, I look for someone. The problem with that is, when i am all ready, it's not like I can walk out the front door and literally bump into a guy before I even get to my car. What if it ends up taking months and months? I will be so ready that it will be hard to be alone all those months waiting. I could have missed out on someone during the "off" period, which might have been a better time to meet someone to distract from sulking and get me back on track. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I don't think it makes too much sense to consciously go through a period of forcing yoruself to not be with someone, then one day waking up saying ok go for it. I think every time I have met someone it has not been planned out. And the rest of my point is, that the guy I recently met is so my type, the type of great guy I haven't been with in a while and I would hate to kick him to the curb because of some guy who on top of breaking my heart will have ruined this opportunity for me to be in a great relationship. It will be like he has a curse on me if I let him damage me to the point I can't be in a healthy relationship. Maybe I am too hard on myself, but I would rather force myself to deal with my problems and issues and feasrs, rather than have them take control of me, shut down and lose this opportunity. It will be hard work, but I'd rather try and fail than to simply say "I need to be alone." As far as your situation where you feel you moved too quickly from one relationship to the next, ending up in your current f buddy relationship. You say the problem is that you didn't take a breather to improve on yourself. You know, I used to think that way too. Once I start working on myself, I realize it's a long project lol and the best way I improve and learn more is to continue with my life and living, not putting a stop to it. Make the best of your situation and continue to work on yourself now instead of having negative thoughts of I should've done this or that. What if your current situation had turned out more successful and developed into a relationship more than f buddy with someone? Then you would've said things turned out for the best, so I guess my point is that we can influence our situation. When my past relationship was going bad, I did difficult things to sabotage it and it eventually ended. I could sit here and still be broken hearted over it, but I FORCED myself to move on instead of going with the flow. And now, I can easily telll this guy I need time to myself them spend the rest of the summer sulking over the jerk who broke my heart, or I can FORCE myself to take hiim up on his offer to go on more dates, to return his calls and FORCE myself to put myself in a situation that will be more rewarding. That's the hard part and that's what I am working on, instead of working on myself. I guess it's indirectly working on myself. Hope this makes sense!
Author Fun2BMe Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 Just be upfront with him and let him know you recently are out of a bad relationship and you have some insecurities. Let him know your fears of being hurt. If you like him, there is no reason not to tell him how you feel. This guy isn't that guy from before...I know it's easy to tell you to trust this new guy, but you do have to have some faith...Go with your gut too. I'm not sure it's a good idea to tell him of my recent bad relationship and securities and fears of being hurt. That would make me come across pathetic and weak I think. The thought that the past guy will damage me that way and for me to carry it on is like allowing him to have hurt and punished me more than he already has. Maybe I am too hard on myself but I am determined to shape up and get the courage to dive into this thing head on without allowing my past to anchor me down. I have given myself a deadline of by Friday to call the other guy back, apologize for my disappearance and move on with the relationship. It is either that, or losing him and for months being alone reading self help books and feeling sorry for myself. I really have to be tough and go against the grain of what feels more comfortable. I'm sure he DOES think that you aren't into him...So, the sooner you let him know that you DO like him, it's just that you're afraid of getting hurt again. No need to go into any detail about your previous relationship, but you can tell him that you were really hurt and felt used... He had already mentioned that he didn't think I was really interested in him. When I told him I was, I sensed that he totally did not believe me and it hurt me, but again I showed signs that I'm not interested by not calling him back like I said I would all this time. But I really don't think it will be a good idea for me to tell him the reason is because of my previous relationship and getting hurt. I think because whenever a guy tells me that, I tend to run away from him, thinking that he is not ready to have feelings for me, still dealing with the last relationship, which is usually the case. But in my situation, I don't want to get back together with the last person and I want to start something new so I don't want to send him the wrong message. I just hope that he will be patient with me and like you said, he'll be patient with me.
Author Fun2BMe Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 Get rid of this guy asap! he's taking you for a fool. if he's saying he loves you then why's he with any other women? you've fallen right into his trap and your taking his word on everything... Find out who the uther women are.. go and talk to them and ask them if they know about what he's up to.. if they don't you should maybe all get together and show him how angry you are I don't blame you if you didn't read the entire thread - it has gotten very long! But I have left that guy I started the thread on. Yes, he was taking me for a fool as hard as it still is for me to realize that.I am currently barely starting to see someone else, but am scared that he too will hurt me.
Author Fun2BMe Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 Fun2Be, I mean this like a friend.. but you seem to always run away from a guy when you think he's the greatest and you really like him. And then as soon as he gets frustrated and gives up, you run after him like mad and beat yourself up over it. Its just how it seems from what you've posted in the past anyways. A re-ocurring cycle. Ha, I love you walk. YOu are so right. I do tend to do that and some friends have pointed that out. Sometimes when I am seeing someone and things are going great, they never hear from me again and I don't know why I run away when I DO have a good relationship, then when I am in a bad one I pull my hair trying to fix it:o I then think about the good relationship and oftentimes attempt to get back in contact with them.
Author Fun2BMe Posted June 28, 2006 Author Posted June 28, 2006 Have mercy for yourself and don't let the girl inside of you lose her sanity and self-respect over one s***ty man. Let the flies land on him. You be the butterfly! Hey I really like that analogy RP. Instead of thinking of the past bf with other girls, they are just flies around the sh**. That helps:)
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