Angelina1433 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 what would you think if your boyfriend was still good friends with his ex who tells him how she still thinks of him often and they talk on the phone at least once a week? i can't stand it!! he refuses to disconnect from her after much pleading.
tikigods Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Exs and friendships never really mix. Why does he say he needs to keep in contact with her?
Author Angelina1433 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 the only reason he has is that they are "good friends" and is like an old buddy.
Star Gazer Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 How long ago did they date/breakup, why did they breakup, and how long were they together??
gfto Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 When exs are still friends and in regular contact, one of them is still holding a torch. The exception being if they have children, which I'm guessing isn't the case here.
isis Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 My boyfriend keeps in touch with a lot of his exes...I only got a hinkey feeling with one who was very clingy, very intent on letting me know how well she knew him. They dated 10 years ago and she still wanted him to go to her house and be her little handyman. She is rather toxic, a completely negative person who would trigger some sadness in him every time they got together (not sadness about her, she just like to tell him how alike they are...how tough things are for them, etc.) After I did a self-check (do I have a problem with any and all of his exes or is it just her?) and realized that I was in a tricky spot. Ultimately, all I could change was my own behavior. I told him that I respect his friendship with her, and trust him completely; however I was concerned with his mood after seeing her as their get-togethers seemed to bring him down. I then said that since I want to be supportive of them but that *I* needed to deal with it since it was obviously *my* issue, I said that I needed there to be a five day break between when they got together and when I saw him. I told him that my perception was that she seemed to bring out some negative feelings in him that I was having problems coping with, so I needed to remove myself so I didn't poison the friendship, and so that his and my time would be positive -- or a bit sad -- based only on elements in our relationship. It has worked out very well, although I recognize that this may sound witchy. After about 4 months of this, and my hanging out joyously with his other friends, and mine (together), he has pulled back from that relationship -- not because I won't see him, but because he sees how much happier and more positive his other friendships are and how much happier he is when he's not in contact with her a lot. Just my 2 cents...I hope this doesn't sound manipulative...I just need a toxic barrier in my life!
Star Gazer Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Ultimately, all I could change was my own behavior. I told him that I respect his friendship with her, and trust him completely; Angelina...see what I am talking about???
tallbrunettmom Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I'm married but still great friends with my exfiance. We do friends things and hang out. NO SEX. It's possible. But only if he'll let you share in their friendship.
Author Angelina1433 Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 I trust him, I just don't know if I trust her. I guess I just need to let it be. But it's SO hard. He won't talk to me or return my messages. I guess he's had enough and is tired of my freak-outs about this issue over, and over. I just wanna be with him and be happy. That's it. I love him so much.
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