sweetie7 Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 Soo my bf broke up with me about a month ago (together for 2 years-we're both 23). A week after breaking up I ran into an acquaintance of his (basically the best friend of a best friend of his best friend) We chatted and later myspaced (I know lameee). Anyway, through it all, my ex and I had still been hanging out, saying "I love you" etc. On Fri. I told him "I've been chatting with D" thinking he'd be like oh, whatever. At first he was and then he started to get really mad. He said "how would you like it if I started talking to your friend??" I understand this, but he is the one who broke up with me...After he got super upset about it, to the point of almost crying (which he NEVER does) I finally said, fine...I won't talk to him anymore. So D e-mailed me on Fri. and I didn't write back bc I didn't know what to say. I figured maytbe he'd get the point even though I feel super immature about not being straightforward (what can I really say w/o sounding like an idiot?? B told me I can't talk to you anymore???") It's not like we had anything going on..just harmless flirting and chatting but I do know he wants to hang out with me. And before, I would have liked to hang out w/ him just because he seems like a nice guy. Anyway he just sent me another e-mail which I haven't read yet bc he will be able to see that I read it and I need to figure out what to do/say first. My ex went home (an hour away) to work for the summer. We do both still love each other...we had been fighting a lot and it would be nearly impossible to fix things when we're not even near each other. We talk pretty much everyday and say "i love you" "i miss you" I think he wants to do whatever this summer (he works A LOT and doesn't have much time to go out, etc.) and figures we may get back together in Sept. This is fine with me but at the same time, I'm not going to sit here waiting for him. I want to go out, date, and have fun. I DO respect my ex a lot; he is one of the nicest, most genuine people I know. Therefore, I don't want to upset him by talking to this guy...but how do I tell the guy I can't talk to him bc my ex won't let me?? That sounds so lame and awful...
RecordProducer Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 If you're going to sleep with someone and then get back together with your boyfriend, he is going to be very mad. Of course, you were broken up at the time, but it won't matter to him - he won't understand how you can sleep with someone if you loved him. I am not taking his side, I am actually on your side personally. But objectively, although I dislike breaks from relationships, if you want him back, don't mess around with other people. You can date, but the moment you decide to sleep with someone should be the moment when you decide to NOT be with your ex-BF anymore. You can even let him know that you will either be together or you will move on. If you want him back, don't tell him you love him - that obligates you to be "faithful" in a way. Tell him that if he doesn't want you, you will start dating other people. But if he does want you, he can't have you on aside waiting for him while he's making up his mind. Actually, causing jealousy has always been a good way to bring someone back - but only if they love you. His jealousy is not without a ground. So be careful about what you're doing, but also don't let him pull your leg for a long time with his indecisiveness. Anyway, who decided to break up, you or him? Sounds like it was him.
tikigods Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 why are you worried about an ex that broke up with you thinks? If you want to talk to his friends then do it! You guys aren't together anymore and no matter how many I love yous you say, you aren't his and he isn't yours, he has no right to say who you can and can't talk to. Why wait around for someone that you might not even want to be around in a few months? I say you are 23 have fun and be young and have fun.
Author sweetie7 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 First of all, I'm not planning on sleeping with B!! If anything, we would hang out, maybe dance at a club. Could possibly lead to some fooling around, but I def. don't sleep with guys unless I'm in a relationship with them. I know it sounds weird that I'm respecting the wishes of my ex. But I guess the thing is, I really respect and love him no matter what. Even if we never get back together, I don't want to hurt him. Not only that, but I don't want him to think poorly of me. We did have a great relationship, I do think of him as a friend, and all that. I really don't want him to lose respect for me. He says he doesn't care if I date, but why do I have to date one of his friends?? And it's true...out of all the guys out there. But it's not even like I'm dating this guy, just chatting. Ughhh I hate having a conscience and actually caring about people!
allina Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I say that you could write the guy back and simply state that you are really newly out of a relationship with your ex (his friend) and that you now realize that the flirty conversations, so soon, are hurtful to your ex, who you still care for and respect. I think you are being totally rational here. I see no reason to disrespect/hurt an ex who is a good person.
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