littlepiggy1 Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 I met another girl yesterday. We'd had chatted online for a couple weeks and she seemed really nice and I wanted to meet her. So we met. We hit it off pretty good right away. Turns out we have a lot of similar interests. In fact, I don't think I've met someone who has as many of my interests as she does (I tend to deviate from the norm a bit). We ended up talking for 2 hours at lunch, and then went to her place (all told we spent about 9 hours together than day). We ended up fooling around a bit, but this is where I realized I'm not ready for this... First of all, I hadn't been intimate with anyone since my ex (about 2.5 months ago). I know that some people like to say that getting laid is the best way to get over an ex. But it's never been my style. It did feel strange to be physically intimate with someone new. And in fact, she's the first girl I'd really been out with (minus a brief 1 hour date with someone I had absolutely no chemistry with). So I guess I didn't know what too expect. Second, there were a few warning flags while we were talking. She had this habit of bringing up her ex a lot. She even acknowledged that. And it turns out she got out of a serious relationship even more recently than I did. Then when we were actually fooling around, she compared me directly to her ex. She said that nobody did it for her like he did until me(she'd slept with a few other guys recently). I guess I should be flattered (?), but being compared to her ex especially after she'd brought him up a lot... She compared me a few other times, too. It was just weird and it killed the mood for me at the time. We still hung out after. Again, we get along really well. And we made plans for her to come over tomorrow. Now, I think to a certain extent things went too fast for me. I got caught up in things. I did want the intimacy at the time, I won't deny that. But after thinking about everything that happened and reflecting on it, I realize I'm really not ready for this. She seemed really into me, though, and was really excited about seeing me again. But I have to be honest with myself, that I'm just ready for this. I know the best thing to do is to be honest. In fact, I've drafted an email explaining my feelings right now. I'd still like to hang out with her, but I don't want to send any mixed signals (which I admit, I did yesterday). It's tough, because I also don't want to hurt her feelings. But I know that honesty upfront is better than dishonesty in the mean time.
catgirl1927 Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 I think telling her is the best thing. She might not want to still be friends though, so prepare yourself for that. If she just got out of a serious relationship, she might take what you're saying very personally and see it as a rejection, even if you don't mean it that way. Just be ready for that and try really hard not to take it too personally.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 Yeah, I could see that possibly happening. It was just one date really, so I hope that there's not too much emotion at this time yet. But she did seem to have her expectations up, which is why I don't want to hurt her feelings.
MadDog Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 It seems likely that either she or both of you are on the rebound. Getting really involved fast, talking about exes too much, it all fits. I'd just go with the flow but realize the interest might drop off for either of you at any given time.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 Yeah, I'd agree. I knew that I still had some baggage I was dealing with from my ex. I tried not to let it get to me and just enjoy being with her. But then when she kept talking about her ex and making the comparisons of me to him, it just felt way too weird for me. I get the feeling that part of her excitement is the fact that I remind her of her ex. That's even more of a reason for me to nip this in the bud, before it goes too far.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 Well, the email is sent, so I will see how this goes.
Lishy Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Well, the email is sent, so I will see how this goes. Show us the email hon! I am curious!
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 Well, I don't want to post the email on the 'net. I believe emails are personal and shouldn't be posted. But in short, I told her that I had fun, that I enjoyed what we did, but that I realize I'm not really ready for intimacy right now. I also told her that she seemed excited about me and that I was sorry if she was disappointed by this. And I told her that I liked her and would still like to hang out. I'm not trying to send out mixed signals, so I plan to follow this email up with a call tonight just so there are no misunderstandings.
Author littlepiggy1 Posted May 9, 2006 Author Posted May 9, 2006 She replied last night. It turns out she pretty much feels the same way. We agreed to just be friends for now. She's going to come over tonight and we'll hang out, so we'll see how things go.
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