jessssss Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 i had a sorta rough weekend, please no one jump all over me, this is a vent and a post to get any advice. everyone has fights, its only human. my bf and i have been together almost 2 years. the past 2 weeks our relationship has been horrible. my bf quit his job 2 weeks ago and still doesn't have one, barely any money and we just bought a house together. we are very serious. the past 2 weeks he's been very snappy and kinda just letting himself go..doesn't help with housework-although he does cut hte grass and any outdoor stuff. i understand it's hard looking for a job and especially not having one-even moreso when you have a college degree. so we've been snappy with each other-i guess it's stressful for me too because i know that i have to help pay for a lot more and support us more than i have been. that's fine, i will do anything for him that is necessary. well this weekend my parents were to come (once again anotehr stress of cleaning and having everythign perfect and spending 100 bucks at the grocery store to get food to grill out) we were out grocery shopping and got into a major fight because i gave a smart ass remark about some freakin potato chips that i knew my parents wouldn't like. he got pissed at me...i mean pissed. so we are on our way home and start fighting again....just bickering back and forth. it escalates into him just not being there when my parents come cause it's not working out today...he also says that me and him aren't going to work out...neither one of us is trying... so i get very upst. my parents are an hour away, i call them and tell the mto turn around and i was coming home. they were fine. great, actually. i decided to do this cause he said that he wasn't going to be there and i told him i didn't wnat him tehre. when i told him that he flipped even more. this is the bf that came off of his anxiety/depression meds (which he got on the last time he lost his job) so now he goes off those, 2 weeks after that he quti his job and 2 weeks after that here we are. i'm starting to be miserable. i know i want to be with him but i can't take how he's being. it got so bad in our fight that he said he was finding a truck and moving out...i think he says these thigns so he can hurt me-isn't that what a fight is all about, honestly...he came home last night about an hour after i got home and we kinda talked...he said that he was sorry and he wasn't gonig anywhere. i'm so confused?? i cant' take these fights and they are all because of no job and no money....what do i do...???
MadDog Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Does he suffer from chronic depression? Maybe he should get back on his medications. I realize being unemployed can be stressful but he sounds way too emotionally labile. You'll have to do your share too and try to be understanding and leave the snappy comments to a minimum.
Author jessssss Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 i know i have to do my share but when he snaps at me for stupid things what am i supposed to do? i feel like i'm not standing up for myself....i don't want him to think he can walk all over me. i want to do everything that i can to help him, he just refuses to go back on the medicine. i dont' want to keep asking him about it because he is getting more and more defensive. and his mom isn't helping at all...she basically attacks him about it. i guess that's why i get hte brunt of it all. so dont' snap bag, be understandign that he is depressed, but then what? let him just leave messes around the house? let him go on and on without a job?? i'm so confused,hurt,scared....
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Be understanding because if you ever go through something rough, I think you would want his support. 2 weeks isn't that long and he IS stressed out, or feeling some depression again. This is what relationships are about sometimes. We all go through s*** and feel down and out - It's a test of what you two are made of! And remember, he isn't doing this on purpose and it's not about you! It is HIM and his s***. Be a shoulder and let him know that things will be better! Don't run off because you two haven't been getting along and you wanna just take off at the first sign of a rough patch. He needs to fix himself before going out and getting a job. So in the meantime, let him do house stuff. Make a compromise with him! You'll work and pay the bills, as long as he does housework and gets some help for his depression. Even if he needs to go back on meds, it will help him. Good luck and dont' give up. Trust and have faith in the relationship! Life isn't easy sometimes, so you just have to be strong and push through the crap to get to the good stuff again!
Author jessssss Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 thank you, whichwayisup, that really hit home. i think i needed to hear that. i know that it is hard for him right now and i know that he doesn't mean it but he just flies off the handle sometimes and it really hurts my feelings but normally it's because i made a smartass remark or something. so i need to work on that and that may help him recover faster. when things start getting bad, like this rough patch we've hit, it's like i feel like he's going to run and normally he'll say he's going to. when he got mad saturday he said he was moving out, that me and him were done,,,,about 5 hours later when i called him from my parents house he was a lot better. he makes rash decisions, and it's like they are more elevated the past 2 weeks. it hurts me so bad and i feel like he doesn't see it but i know that he's trying and i know that he is going through something right now that i may not know anything about. i'm going to be a more understanding gf and help him more than make comments and snappy/nagging thigns about stuff he prob doesn't even realize he's doing. me and him have gone through something similar about a year ago when he quit his other job due to managerial problems...he just wasn't this bad. i'm scared and lonely at home, and all i want to do is love on him and lately it feels like he's pushing me away.... thanks for all the support and not bashing me that i'm with someone who is wrong for me...thanks for realizing it is a sickenss and he's not a bad person. i don't know what all i can do for him...
whichwayisup Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Turn it off. Meaning, when he gets into his pissy moods and is acting rude, walk away from it. Just go into another room and ignore it. Always remember, it's not YOU, it's HIM. And him speaking to you rudely or reacting is stupid. Don't subject yourself to it and only say something to him if he keeps on at you. The less you react to it, the better off things will be and eventually he'll realize this too, and stop. You're welcome and I hope things get better. Why not surprise him one night? Cook his favourite meal, grab a nice bottle of wine, kick back and just relax together. Keep the conversation light and fun, no daily stress conversations or anything that will make him feel down.
Author jessssss Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 sounds good...i'll definitely have to do that. I went home for lunch and he has been laying on the couch all day...says he doesn't feel good...i'm going to work late so i don't subject myself to going home and sitting on the couch - i don't want to fall into it too, does that make sense?? sounds weird but i don't want him to get me down because then i wont' beable to be strong and help him. i may do the dinner and wine when he feels better, he does have a job interview on wednesday that his bro got him...crossing my fingers but not getting my hopes up. it's just so weird to see how much of a different person he is. very scary. i wish i could help him just snap out of it.
Recommended Posts