Emotional Abuse

[hooghie]

I have always received a lot of emotional abuse from my immediate family. Mostly from my dad, but mom and sis can be bad too.

My dad thinks I am a loser. He doesn't like my choices in life- I'm divorced, changed my career from engineering to law, etc.

 

Anyway- whenever he is around me. He completely slams me and makes me feel worse/lower than the scum on the bottom of an old shoe. It really really really hurts me. My mom usually takes my side, but I feel bad seeing her upset.

 

I don't know what it is-I'm very educated- everyone who meets me-young and old- thinks I'm pretty interesting, I'm pretty attractive and I'm a very caring person, but for some messed up reason- my dad can make me feel like the worst, ugliest, biggest loser in the world...so sad

 

I think the best thing is for me to move very very far away- like a plane ride away.

 

thoughts?

[bunnzy]

First off- you know that you are not a loser. You have been divorced and still live a happy life you have got to be intelligent to do engineering AND law,

 

secondly. People are imperfect, they say things they dont mean sometimes. decide - do i want to grin and bear it - or not have anything to do with them? Weigh the pros and the cons or the consequences of both decisions.

 

third. Do what makes you happy and dont let it get you down. Be better than what they 'think' you are, you are better than that.

[kitten chick]

hi hooghie, bunnzy had some good advice there. I don't like hearing good people say these things about themselves. I know that you're a very kind and compassionate person and have always come across as quite intelligent to me. The way he treats you is not about you, it's about his limitations and inability to express himself in an appropriate manner. Perhaps you can distance yourself from your father without moving by just not speaking with him or going to visit. You have great supportive people in your life, spend more time with them and maintaining those relationships rather than spending the time worrying about your father.

[Pink_Tulip]

I have an ultra controlling, mean, nasty mother myself, who is always putting me down. The day she moved three states over was the happiest day of my life. Distance is sometimes a VERY good thing.

[hooghie]

Bunzy: Thank you for your advice. I realize I can no longer grin and bear it. It is too much for me. The best thing is to distance myself. I jsut need to figure out how.

 

KC: As always- thank you for your kind words You are right- I DO have great supportive people in my life and I need to focus on them instead and not let his words/behavior get to me. It's hard though. For some reason, even though I know he is wrong- it really hurts me

 

PT: I am DEFINITELY moving. Thank you.

[kitten chick]

It's hard though. For some reason, even though I know he is wrong- it really hurts me

Of course it hurts you. You wouldn't be human if it didn't. He's your father and you want him to be kind to you, our parents should treat us kindly. Sometimes they fall short and can not act the way a parent should but, again, it's their limitation not yours. We can understand and accept these things but there's no way it won't affect us. The fact that you're able to have such a great relationship with your boyfriend despite having a strained relationship with your father speaks highly of your strength and character.