mark1210 Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 So I met this girl in a bar a week ago on Friday, she was very attractive and seemed to be a great person. Two days later we meet up for a date, she tells me she is an adult entertainer (Not something I'm ok with) and that her ex's have all been controlling and verbally abusing. I thought it was a bit odd to discuss that on a first date but ok. Other than that, things went great. She calls me the next day and tells me that she cannot go back to work as an entertainer that she would feel guilty. So she quit her job, and she always wants to hang out with me. Here is where things get really odd...one of her friends invites us out to a Gentleman's club....we all go. She told me on the way that she didn't want me getting any dances or tipping any girls. Out of respect I said no problem. About 3 hours go by, and she sees this girl that "makes her melt". She walked up and tipped and got a dance from her. Now while it was interesting to see, it really upset me in that she could do something that I could not. I told her my feelings and she said..well you can go tip a guy if you want. I told her, thats not the same for me, I'm not into guys and you're into girls. She gets bent all out of shape saying that I am acting like one of her ex's etc, and that I need to relax and have fun. Later in the night she claims she loves me and wants to be with me forever. I don't know how to take any of it, my friends think I wasn't out of line since it was a double standard rule. My friends think she is nutty for claiming she loves me in a week and wants to be with me forever. She always wants to come over every single day as well. I have no idea what to think. She is fun, great looking, but I don't think she knows what she wants in the slightest. I told her that I feel I am holding her back from having fun and that maybe she needs to get it out of her system. She got upset at that as well...can't do anything right.
AriaIncognito Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Wow. I'd say cut your losses now before she gets even weirder. She seems to only be in it for herself, and not for you. The fact that she was allowed to have a dance and you weren't, speaks volumes to me. A relationship needs to be as equal as possible, in my opinion. Good luck with her...but my gut feel is, run now. :-) Jennifer
Author mark1210 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 I'm a little hesistant to do that, but I think you may be right. I am hesitant because one one hand I like her but on the other she seems too wild. Also, she told me what she did to one of her ex's that did her wrong. Something tells me that even though she caused this that I would be seen as doing her wrong. I definately don't want the same treatment that supposedly this guy got. Of course, I didn't know anything about that until things got rocky between me and her over this situation. Also, just to add I wouldn't have minded her gettings dances and such if it was a two-way street. Afterall she likes girls and so do I lol. Was I in the wrong on any of that?
MadDog Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 She gets bent all out of shape saying that I am acting like one of her ex's etc, and that I need to relax and have fun. Later in the night she claims she loves me and wants to be with me forever. Wow. If this is how she's acting and it's been a week, it's the biggest "push the eject button now" sign I've ever seen. She might be hot and a good lay but in the end, it won't outweigh all the drama you'll have to go through.
AriaIncognito Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I'm with MadDog. I think that after a week, you should just get out. As far as her being into girls, most girls are into girls to some extent lol. Most of us can appreciate a good looking woman. I think most women who would say otherwise, probably are either insecure in themselves, or are afraid as being perceived as homosexual. Personally, I think women are quite attractive. Would I want to date one, no, but I can definitely appreciate them for what they are :-) Find yourself a nice girl...you sound like you deserve one :-) Jennifer
Adunaphel Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I could see her point of view about the fact that she could get a dance and you could not, but whether it was a double standard or not should be the last of your worries now. She *does* sound nutty. She actually sounds very unstable. Not someone I'd feel confortable with. If you find her interesting, could you try to get to know her better before making the relationship exclusive?
pricillia Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 oh my, this girl needs to be out of a relationship for a while, you are not the one for her at all, you can find a woman, not a girl who is attractive, beautiful, fun and yes a little wild with out all the drama, let it be done, but by the way it sounds she may not let it go that easily
Guest Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Go with your gut, your gut says something's wrong with this girl. Listen! I didn't listen to my gut the several times I had relationships with girls.
SuperMonk Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Go with your gut! I didn't listen to my gut the first several girlfriends I had. Something was wrong with them and I didn't like it but my desperation got ahold of me. Listen to it! http://www.itsatrap.net/
Touche Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 And a little hint for you. The way she treated her exes is how she'll treat YOU! That was always a BIGGIE with me when I was dating. I listened VERY carefully when a date talked about an ex. You're so right to be concerned. She will treat you just like she did the ex. Get out NOW when you have all the red flags waving in front of your face.
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 My friends think she is nutty for claiming she loves me in a week and wants to be with me forever Listen to your friends, they're right. Right now you're not too emotionally invested so it will be easier to get out. Yeah you like her and she's probably hot too - But listen to your gut. If it's telling you that's nuts and her behaviour is all over the map - OPEN your eyes and think before going any further with her. Maybe start off actually getting to know her one on one and NOT go out to clubs, strip joints anymore. Go out on a real date alone, and find out more about her. Her past, her family etc., then see if you like her more and see if you feel she's worth getting to know even more.
Alexandra Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I think most women who would say otherwise, probably are either insecure in themselves, or are afraid as being perceived as homosexual. Ummm heavy generalization there. I for one am far from insecure, not afraid to be labled as gay, I simply don't like women THAT WAY in the least. Can I still appreciate the esthetical value in a beautiful woman? (Say look at the new pic Mrs. Touche has up now and think "Damn she's fine") Of course. The same way I can tell a car is beautiful or a horse, that doesn't mean I'm a zoophile though! Appreciating beauty is an intellectual act, being sexually attracted is not that rational. Now to your story Mark... You're pointing out red flag after red flag and not in an unknowing factual manner but while presenting them as signs that something is very wrong. The title of your thread proves it even more. You've already to a large degree made up your mind, you're looking for validation. Nothing wrong with that either. Well here's more validation, yes it does sound like she has serious emotional issues she should be dealing with. Granted many of her stories are appearing like they sound like a compulsive liar or at the very least a great exagerrator (what she did for a living, how she instantly left it, etc) and as such you should be safe to assume what she described as revenge on the other boyfriend is a story too. So when you cut your chains you shouldn't fear too much retaliation, she'll be too busy looking for another victim. Had this been a person you've known or dated for long I'd advice for finding a therapist fast and making them go because they need serious work done but since this is a woman you didn't meet too long ago, her well being is not really your concern, yours is. And I think you know what you need to do to preserve yours.
Author mark1210 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 Wow, tons of advice...thanks everyone. Whichwayisup, I tried that today, she has always complained that I ask too many questions about her past and that the past should be kept in the past. She always says I never ask anything about your past. And she's right, she never has. Whats even more odd is that when she was leaving she said, you obviously don't trust me...here is my e-mail address and password, feel free to "snoop" around. Now I am really debating...I shouldn't need to do that, nor should anyone have to prove anything to me. I should be able to trust them once its been earned. My friends say look in there to get a glimmer of what has happened to her. I don't know, I feel like she has been burned and that perhaps I could be a great change for her. All of her friends said its about time she found someone that wasn't like her cookie cutter ex's.
Alexandra Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Now I am really debating...I shouldn't need to do that, nor should anyone have to prove anything to me. I should be able to trust them once its been earned. My friends say look in there to get a glimmer of what has happened to her. I may be judgemental mean AND wrong in the following but my gutt feeling is that if she volunteered an email addy and a password you can bet it's either carefully "disinfected" meaning she cleaned anything of substance in it or is not The One.
Touche Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I may be judgemental mean AND wrong in the following but my gutt feeling is that if she volunteered an email addy and a password you can bet it's either carefully "disinfected" meaning she cleaned anything of substance in it or is not The One. Yup, I was going to post the same thing. Also that's a bit weird right there. VERY strange girl. (Thanks for the compliment, Alexandra..you're very fine too and I'm not sexually attracted to women either;) )
crazy_grl Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 I think she is nuts I agree. I can't imagine any rational-minded person quitting their job for someone after ONE date, then declaring their love and saying they want to be with them forever after a week. RUUUUUUUUUUUN!
My_Other_I Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Mark, you meet the strangest women there are. Each time I read your posts I'm just amazed how a great guy like you meets the biggest weirdoes alive. I say cut her loose, again - like many before her - she has self-esteem issues and co-dependency issues. Oh man, I seriously hope that one day you will meet a regular chick worth your time!
Author mark1210 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 My Other I, You're right, sure seems that way. I'm convienced its something with me, its got to be. Somehow I key in on women who appear to be "broken" as my friends put it. Wish i knew how I did that, but apparently I do =( Looks like I will be having a come to Jesus chat with her tonite just her and I. If she won't open up to her past then its time to let her go. Putting up with her BS is really starting to stress me out. After talking to one of my female friends she believes that this girl has been sexually abused. She bases that fact on how she likes pain and the job she was in. Without going into too many details she really literally wanted me to take the lit cigarette out of her mouth and burn her on her chest. Of course, I refused. This one is too wild for me I believe.
Author mark1210 Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 Well guys, thanks for the advice. I kicked her to the curb tonight. Finally had my last straw. She was to be over at 8:00P, then 9:00P then she apparently decided to do her laundry and take a shower and it wasn't until 11:30 that she showed up at my place with tons of makeup and clubbing clothes on and liquor on her breath. I sat her down and told her I didn't want to sentence myself to anymore of this. I also told her I am not the right person for you. I'm 26, very mature professional and she is 21 and very wild and currently jobless. Although, I am sure she will be back to dancing anyday now. She claims it was all me, not her at all. She went totally crazy ranting and raving and when I had enough of that show I told her to either leave or be forced out by the police. She claims she will just go to my guy friends house who has a crush on her. Now that part really got me. My friend will certainly take her in thats for sure. And although I shouldn't care I do.
konfuzd Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Congrats Mark! Insanity is not attractive on any level, and you seem far too intelligent and good natured for that kinda crap. Your friend who she's running to doesn't sound like much of a friend if he'd take her in as you predict. Even if it is a one week relationship with a psycho, friends gf's are off limits to any good friend. So I say let him deal with her crap, he deserves it. You, however deserve much better. Good luck to you, and I hope you manage to meet someone halfway normal next time (too normal is just boring )
tinktronik Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Mark, come on , you should know better than to date a dancer in Dallas.Glad you decided not to move forward with it .Good luck int the dating scene. Dallas has some great places for the dating scene.Have you tried lower greenville ,even deep ellum gets some people in it on the weekends .Or the west side , its fun, kind of casual and attracts lots of people from the sourounding area.
catgirl1927 Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Dude. She went on one date and quit her job to "be with you"? When did she first ask you for money?? She's on your friend for the same reason, she's looking for someone to pay the bills. Come on. There are TONS of gorgeous girls in Dallas (I know, I have to go there all the time ) Listen to tink, go to lower greenville. We go there all the time, and I've seen some really cute girls, esp at Suede.
tinktronik Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Dude. She went on one date and quit her job to "be with you"? When did she first ask you for money?? She's on your friend for the same reason, she's looking for someone to pay the bills. Come on. There are TONS of gorgeous girls in Dallas (I know, I have to go there all the time ) Listen to tink, go to lower greenville. We go there all the time, and I've seen some really cute girls, esp at Suede.your hanging out in DALLAS without ME???? What are you thinking?
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