freckles3131 Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 While I'm a FIRM believer in honesty is the best policy....I have to say...these emails are a bit too "deep" and "heavy" and too honest..... It's great to share your thoughts/feelings, but this has undertones of instability due to the lengthy explainations of your actions....why explain iin such detail the "why"? I think you should be making more simplistic responses...Like, "I do like you, I do care/have feelings/am attracted, I do thank you for the offer, but cannot accept the offer(s)at this moment in time." This way it shows you have confidence in your decisions/in yourself and what you need to do....not someone who is teetering/on the brink of instability......Keep it simple is my advice to the above....too heavy...might be kind of a turn off to someone looking for "independance/self-awareness etc..."
Alexandra Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Again I butt in on a thread of an old time poster and don't feel quite right about it so I won't be surprised if you hold it against me Your last post Panda sounds great, I really hope you rationalize that way from now on. The one before last though, the one with the emails? Honestly those didn't sound like refusals to me, they sounded like emotional .... trade not to say blackmail. Before you get too upset, I really think you meant to be clear and off putting rationally but the fact that on a deeper level you're wishing for him to give you a guarantee is very transparent in those. In other words those sound like you're using how you know he wants to be close to ask for more. I'd dare asume he could read that too. A_C is right, I just hope you have the strength to see that and to be kind enough to yourself to give YOU the time to heal and grow.
Author basscatcher Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 Freckles: it is very hard for me to be brief. I'm a detail oriented person in every way but no where near being a perfectionist. (I related the two together and shouldn't. I guess I dream of being more perfectionistic.) Anyone who knows me expects me to be windy.. If not then they know there is something wrong with me. I love words. I wish I knew more possitive ones then negative. This man understands me better then I do myself at times. He hasn't taken advantage of me or pushed me. He actually tends to back off when I need that time without me asking like this week. The last time I spoke to him was last Sunday. He knows I'm not in a good way right now with my emotions. I am better then I was however... Alexandra-never feel like your butting in on a thread of someone who's been posting longer. That doesn't mean I or anyone else is better or smarter then you. Your fresh insight might be the ticket to helping somone with their particular situation. As for my emails to him. He knows how I feel and I tend to remind him I can't just accept his offers to cuddle up to him because I am emotionally vulnerable to him and I need to finish reeling from my last relationship with Charlie. (Which he knows...) He has two motives with me. One is for his wants and desires and the other is to comfort me and help me have a moment of calmness by being held and cared for for the moments I spend with him. Being in his arms has always given me alot of comfort and peace in the past. In the past I have just laid in his arms, quiet-no tv-no radio, just laying next to him, listening to his heartbeat and feeling his arms around me. It is very relaxing for me. I feel safe, secure *almost like a child in their mothers arms*... He wants to give me that comfort. I don't want to depend on him for it.. Unless, when the time is right he is willing to give of himself more then he did before willingly and sincerely. Right now I need time for me to continue mending. If he and I have a chance, then that chance will be there later, when the timing is better. He knows I need to get my shyt together..
Alexandra Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 First off thank you for not minding, I'd be pissed off if someone who's not in the same shoes thought it appropriate to throw in "tough love". I know it's tempting, so many people say "Oh I know I need to get stronger and know myself better but I can do that WHILE I am with this person. It's almost never so simply because in our healing process a phase that we can't bypass is the notion of "being on my own" which can be a sacrifice for someone who is in need of companionship but it's in a sense that sacrifice that has healing properties. Right now I need time for me to continue mending. If he and I have a chance, then that chance will be there later, when the timing is better. He knows I need to get my shyt together.. Bravo! I do sincerily wish you believe that strongly enough to send the message to him too. The more clearly you see that, the stronger you'll be when other circumstances appear (such as him understanding that and manifesting interest in another woman, that could well make you forget the intellectual resolution). I really think you're on the right path and as long as you keep reaching when you get weaker -which you seem to do very corageously judging from your posts- it means you have a valid coping mechanism that will hold you to the right path!
Author basscatcher Posted May 8, 2006 Author Posted May 8, 2006 manifesting interest in another woman, that could well make you forget the intellectual resolution If he choses to get involved with someone else then that is his choice. He knows he is a free man to make his own choices. I personally would rather he go about like he has with no one else so I could selfishly have him as a opportunity again. I do have a desire for him. I always have. I wont deny it. I just cant act on that desire because of the imbalance in my life right now. I need to get stable again before I can persue. If he choses to find someone else then so be it. I will live with it too. I don't own him.. He isn't mine. He is a friend; someone I care a great deal for who has helped me with several issues in my life and problems that he has helped me out with.
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