Foxy64 Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Hi guys.... Any advice for lonliness after separation?...... I separated from my partner around 2 and half years ago....and I still find things very hard. Despite the fact that I haven't seen him for several years, apart from a brief glimpse when he drove passed me with his new partner laughing...I still suffer with anger and also with the lonliness of trying to rebuild my life. We were together for 11 years. We had got some problems, such as not having too much in common and more and a feeling of 'flatness' in the relationship. The in-lovey side had died down and was taking its toll coming out in arguements. However he refused to talk about it, do anything saying that it should 'come naturally'...and basically emotionally withdrew from the relationship. He walks in one day to say that he's leaving without so much as a proper chat - just wanted to trundle off and hope that I wouldn't really notice either, and that we'd stay friends. He wanted to be friends but all on his terms - it would be fine if I was fine about it all and kept shut. As if by sheer chance up pops a work colleague and he was insistant that she was just a friend. Although it turned out that she was pregnant. She became pregnant around a month after he said he was leaving. He claimed to have moved in with a friend but moved in with her after several months. Problems or no problems between us, I went from living with my 'best friend' to a separation, a betrayal and then a child. It felt like he'd died and been replaced by some awful person, who even tried to convince me that I was going mad. I hid away for well over a year and barely went near anybody for 2 years - I couldn't face going out of the house or picking the phone up because I was too scared of what I would hear next. Any comment, any call any whatever set me off feeling sensitive. So I just hid away. After all this time bizarrely I still struggle with the guilt of having got into such a rage and not being able to say that it was 'ok'. I still suffer with the pain of having hatred towards somebody who I once loved. I ping-pong between two sentiments....... I moved. They kept the friends and family. And basically even though I've tried lots to get my life back on track, I still feel the losses and sting about spending so much time by myself. Everybody around me has their own lives and doesn't understand how hard it can be to go back to being by yourself. They seem to thing that it's something that I should have forgotten about by now. I don't mention it anymore. I've just tried to sit it out but I've got this awful biting feeling of lonliness inside, along with being stuck with anger and rensentments.....anger with a guy who refused to go forward or do anything in ours lives, who promptly did the opposite under my nose, with great nastiness to boot. The lonley feeling feeds the anger. thanks
WantingHim Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I haven't been seperated as long as you but I have some of the same feelings my grandmother told me that my anger and loneliness was a sign that I was still in love with him and I felt cheated because of how he handled things. It's like watching this incrediable movie and missing the ending It stays on your mind it never really leaves. I try to bury myself in other things but at the end of the day I want answers I want him to know how much he hurt me. But I know that's not going to happen so I hope it will just go away and if your so called friends can't pretend to understand maybe it time for a new circle.
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