target-d Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I enjoy reading these forums and hearing people's stories. It seems that the OW (on the OW/OM forum) often say that they end the A and the MM keeps after them. Yet my experience was the opposite. My H ended the A and the OW wouldn't let go, I've seen other posters who have said the same. What is your experience and what did you or your H do? MM are also welcome to tell their stories!!
fisher-man Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Since you said MM are also welcome I will tell mine. I shamed myself and shamed my wife by my actions. I told myself it didn't matter because it was only words but it did matter. I don't know how many married men get involved in something because they don't think their wives love them anymore but thats what happened with me. The other woman was always saying such nice things to me. Looking back I can see that I was such a fool but at the time I just wanted to keep hearing those words. I feel like I was sucked into a whirlpool by a woman and my own desire to feel good. When I came to I felt trapped by my own actions. I had lied so much and I was afraid. I told the woman it was over. She wanted to stay friends. I said no. That was it for a month or two, and I thought all was well and that I'd escaped. But then she (the OW) started showing up at places where I was. She started calling my wife's cell phone (it was registered in my name but I've NO idea how she got the number.) She started calling the house and e-mailing all the time. It was the worst time of my life and telling my wife what had happened was the most painful. I'm lucky. My wife forgave me. Reading here has been helpful in some ways, but it seems that men who do something wrong don't get much support here.
whichwayisup Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 She started calling my wife's cell phone (it was registered in my name but I've NO idea how she got the number.) She started calling the house and e-mailing all the time. That must have been very scary. And very stalkerish of her, completely crossing the lines! I would have told her "do that one more time and you'll be dealing with the Police." It's one thing for her to attempt to contact you, but to take it the next level and start calling your wife - That's abit nutty! Just shows too, her emotions were probably out of whack and she was in alot of pain to stoop that low after being told the A was over. It's good to hear your wife forgave you! Make sure she knows how much you love her and appreciate her daily!
pricillia Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Since you said MM are also welcome I will tell mine. I shamed myself and shamed my wife by my actions. I told myself it didn't matter because it was only words but it did matter. I don't know how many married men get involved in something because they don't think their wives love them anymore but thats what happened with me. The other woman was always saying such nice things to me. Looking back I can see that I was such a fool but at the time I just wanted to keep hearing those words. I feel like I was sucked into a whirlpool by a woman and my own desire to feel good. When I came to I felt trapped by my own actions. I had lied so much and I was afraid. I told the woman it was over. She wanted to stay friends. I said no. That was it for a month or two, and I thought all was well and that I'd escaped. But then she (the OW) started showing up at places where I was. She started calling my wife's cell phone (it was registered in my name but I've NO idea how she got the number.) She started calling the house and e-mailing all the time. It was the worst time of my life and telling my wife what had happened was the most painful. I'm lucky. My wife forgave me. Reading here has been helpful in some ways, but it seems that men who do something wrong don't get much support here. fisher man I have a question would you ever do it again? and what made you think that your wife did not love you? I had a short affair with a MM and I knew better than to expect anything, sad hugh. He would always ask me what I liked about him and ask me if he was the best, I still talk to him as we work together, but do you think that he is going through some of the things that you went through not thinking she loves him? has things changed for the better for you since you told her about the affair I hope so!!! good luck
mopar crazy Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 My H broke it off w/ the ex-OW to work on our M. She did not let go easily at first either. H said they could be friends b/c of work but I told him they couldn't, it wouldn't work and if he wanted to remain friends w/ her the M couldn't work. He agreed he would only talk to her about work related issues. She continued to call and even stop by the house to see him to make sure he wasn't angry at her. I don't know how often she called, I don't try to press it, but I know she called a few times when we together (we were seperated). One time she called as he was golfing and he showed me that she had called on his cell. Less than a month later she called again, on the home phone. H asked WTH she was calling him (caller ID) I took the phone from him and answered, I wanted to know what she had to say. She acted like nothing ever happened. She called wanting to know if H heard about a serious accident their co-worker was in. I let H talk to her but was right there listening. After they hung up I was so angry at myself for not saying anything to her when I answered. I wasn't thinking straight as I was so angry she even called. I called her back and we had a long talk. All she wanted to talk about was their co-worker. I told her that was just an excuse to call and never to call again or there would be hell to pay (meaning H would get a restrainer order, which he said he would do if she didn't stop calling and coming to the house). She never called again. The ex-OW is out of his life. They no longer work together and we no longer live in the same area, she is out of our lives. I forgave her for her part in the A but I still don't like her and how she acted towards H b4 the A.
fisher-man Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 fisher man I have a question would you ever do it again? and what made you think that your wife did not love you? I had a short affair with a MM and I knew better than to expect anything, sad hugh. He would always ask me what I liked about him and ask me if he was the best, I still talk to him as we work together, but do you think that he is going through some of the things that you went through not thinking she loves him? has things changed for the better for you since you told her about the affair I hope so!!! good luck I would never never ever do it again. I am now much more circumspect and much more suspicious of women who cross my path. I would never again be willing to be "friends" as friendships can cross boundaries that should never be crossed. I thought my wife didn't love me anymore because it seemed to me that her work and her family came before me, and she seemed angry so much of the time. After we started talking like we used to I found out what was really going on. Also, her reaction to what I did, including her forgiveness proved to me just how much she did love me. Yes, we are doing not only much better, but better than we have ever been. I think she would say the same thing. Almost losing her brought me to my senses, and I think maybe the same thing happened for her.
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