MadKurlz Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Quick background......ive been with my boyfrind for 2 years now and in dec i moved in with im cus we had goten pregnant. we were both very excited. i rented out my condo and moved in with him, but had a miscarriage in february. We decided to try again in may or june. The past month he has been strange. He is glued to his cell phone, he is distant with me and barely even laughs anymore with me. I know i have insecurity issues, but I feel it in my gut that something is not right. We had a few fights in the last couple of months and one of the things he said was that he was so tired of me asking him if he was going to dump me or if he loves me. (like I said i have insecurity issues) and that if i were to say anything like that again he will just end up leaving me cus he was sooooo tired of hearing it. So here I am, knowning and feeling that somehting is not right and I Want to talk about it with him, but Im a bit scared. So I wrote a letter. Should I give it to him? The letter: I know it isn’t anything I did or said. I know I haven’t done anything for you to hate me. I know you don’t hate me. I know you love me. But I just can’t help but feel how far away you are from me. Feels like there is a distance between us. You sleep next to me, you sit next to me, but seems to me that your not “next to me”. I probably have you confused by now. Its almost as if you rather be doing something else or be somewhere else. Its kind of put me in a strange situation I appreciate that you don’t hide things from me. That only makes me realize that I have the up most trust in you. Which builds more and more when u show me that you hide nothing from me. Papi, I know that you are not an affectionate, lovey dovey, I wanna be all over my girl kinda guy. Ive learned to live with that. Just seems that something has pulled you away. I know our communication skills suck ass (hence the letter). I love you so very much and if something is on your mind, and you want to talk, I hope you know that you can talk to me Should i go into more detail? should i not say anything and wait out this strange behavior?
Yamaha Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Letters are never the best way to approach problems in a relationship. Words can never tell the whole story and it might drive a wedge between you if he doesn't respond to your letter. Communication is ALWAYS the best way to find out the truth.
VegasFan Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 one of the things he said was that he was so tired of me asking him if he was going to dump me or if he loves me. (like I said i have insecurity issues) You might want to find a Co-Dependents Anonymous meeting in your area: http://www.coda.org/
Skeered Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 I totally agree with both posters, if your communications skills stink that bad that you don't feel you can be open and honest and TALK than you may need counseling for that to help you. You also should take a co-dependency class...you are placing everything in the fact that you can't be good enough for him and he's going to leave you...so much that it is driving him away. You need to gain confidence in YOU that you are good enough for anyone to love you... Often times we women place so much on a guys mood or change in lifestyle as something we have done wrong, when often times it's something the guy has going on and it has nothing to do with us. In my opinion, communications will solve these problems but if you can't talk to one another and believe the other person 100% then words are just shallow holes filling in space. You shouldn't send or give him that letter by no means...rip it up and throw it out. You say in there how much you trust him, yet you also say that you don't understand why he is moving away from you. Well if you trust him as you say than when he said to you that he loves you and wants to be with you and you haven't done anything wrong you would BELIEVE HIM. Stop second guessing him because he's not changing into a lovey dovey person that even though you say you have gotten used to obviously haven't. Sorry to be so harsh...but I was you once...I know how you feel but I know I caused my hearache myself by not observing all things I knew about him and all the things I wanted him to be.
batesal Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 The letter: I know it isn’t anything I did or said. I know I haven’t done anything for you to hate me. I know you don’t hate me. I know you love me. But I just can’t help but feel how far away you are from me. Feels like there is a distance between us. You sleep next to me, you sit next to me, but seems to me that your not “next to me”. I probably have you confused by now. Its almost as if you rather be doing something else or be somewhere else. Its kind of put me in a strange situation I appreciate that you don’t hide things from me. That only makes me realize that I have the up most trust in you. Which builds more and more when u show me that you hide nothing from me. Papi, I know that you are not an affectionate, lovey dovey, I wanna be all over my girl kinda guy. Ive learned to live with that. Just seems that something has pulled you away. I know our communication skills suck ass (hence the letter). I love you so very much and if something is on your mind, and you want to talk, I hope you know that you can talk to me Should i go into more detail? should i not say anything and wait out this strange behavior? If all of a sudden things are not like they should be, then it is time that the 2 of you sat down and tried really hard to talk about your problems. I am a letter person as you are and I used to feel that expressing yourself in a letter makes your S/O open up and respond, or want to talk. Sometimes it works, and sometimes it doesn't. When it doesn't work, you get seriously hurt. I beleive that if you try to use this letter as a giude to try and talk to him, it may help you. You can take bits and pieces out of the letter, and have a discussion with him. If he doesn't hide anything from you, then you should ask him why the distance? Why the cold shoulder? Why all of a sudden. It may be becuase of the miscarriage. It may be that he rather be somewhere than with you, but you NEED TO ask him, that is the only way you are going to know if something is bothering him or not. I think that you letter is good, truthful and from the heart. Personally I wouldn't have a problem with the letter, but I feel that this is something that you want to do in person. Keep the letter, use it as a guide, or continue to pour your heart out on it, but don't give it to him, or read it to him. I wish you the best.
Recommended Posts