any new developments? or still the same cycle?

[eyeswideshut]

I was just wondering how you are all doing this week.

Any of you broke NC?

any of you in full-fledged affair?

I was supposed to go NC, but then was "thinking about it".

I hadn't written since last Tuesday. Then he wrote to me on Thursday, Friday, Saturday.

Today he wrote that he passed by my place because he was thinking of me. (i was soo flattered, usually I would be freaked out, but because it was him I was like... awwwww!!!)

He sent me some songs, telling me he was trying to reach out for me.

Last time he phoned was last Friday.

So I broke NC, but I sent him a very casual email, (similar to one you would send any friend).

What is wrong? I keep thinking if I keep it casual he won't think I'm dramatizing the whole thing. I think i really need time to be a single gal, so I wasn't really intending to hook him real good.

But I just read a post on Emotional Affair, and am very afraid that this is what it is becoming.

Although on my side, i do not let him know I am there for him waiting. (actually in my email I told him about what I did over the weekend, showing him I am busy and getting on)

But on his side, it seems as though he is trying to make sure i don't abandon him, and he is voicing his fears of missing me and what it is doing to him.

I wonder if i can really do NC. Especially since i'm slowly trying to gage this friendship, and getting to know him. is this total bull?

All of you are saying run!! Maybe i am in denial and I really am obsessed about him and need to grieve him and let him go.

Anyway. You've all given me ample advice, I know what i have to do.

But what are you all up to? I'm curious.

[Walking away]

I am in complete NC with my MM. We tried the "friends" thing, partial contact thing, you name it. We tried "weaning" ourselves from each other. But, I have had it and told him that I do not want to hear a thing from him. He made his choice, and I belong NOWHERE in his life now.

 

After this conversation, he asked if he could call me next week. Hello? What part of NC does he not understand?

 

I am moving on. Had a date tonight. He was quite the gentleman...flowers, dinner, movie. Feels good to be adored by a man and not have to worry about if he is going home to some other woman. AND, he was extremely attentive to me. My wish was his command. Felt good.

 

Real good.

[Jessie61]

 

I was just wondering how you are all doing this week.

Any of you broke NC?

any of you in full-fledged affair?

I was supposed to go NC, but then was "thinking about it".

-----

I wonder if i can really do NC. Especially since i'm slowly trying to gage this friendship, and getting to know him. is this total bull?

All of you are saying run!! Maybe i am in denial and I really am obsessed about him and need to grieve him and let him go.

Anyway. You've all given me ample advice, I know what i have to do.

But what are you all up to? I'm curious.

 

 

Eyeswideshut,

 

What am I up to?? I am waiting for the deadline clock to stop ticking!!! Then "happy days" OR permanent NC... ....

 

I recognise a few things that you are saying. I think about NC too a lot these days; I know that it will be so hard (sometimes I wonder how the hell I am going to get through it!) but I just know that I have to do it. This is why I am building myself up with the healthy living etc that we discussed on the other thread. You also talk about gauging the relationship. I do that too. I decided that I would go nuts if I went NC before the deadline; not knowing what is going on and the uncertainty would kill me off completely. So I am gauging our R daily; his tone of voice, the things he tells me and the rest of it... I have seen some serious backtracking in the past and I will recognise the signs much sooner than he will even realise he's doing it, and if that happens, well then....

 

Listen, we all bombard you with advice given to you with our best intentions. But only YOU can decide what you want and need to do, and when you are ready to do it. Only you know all the relevant details, so only YOU can decide these things, hopefully with the benefit of our advice.

 

What I have found the most soul destroying and undermining about being in this A, is that I have ended up questioning absolutely EVERYTHING that I do. I am (was???) an intelligent, independent, very street smart girl who knows (knew?) her mind. But as you know yourself; the same set of facts in any given situation can be interpreted in many diffenent way, BUT how do you know that you are interpreting things the right way in this situation when there is so much at stake? When there is so much that is completely out of your hands?? During my cynical days, I see things in a particular way (and it ain't pretty...) and when I feel positive everything looks completely different!

 

This uncertainty and not knowing if you can even trust your own judgement is so debilitating. I can actually feel my self confidence being sapped away slowly. I have fought so hard for it, which is why I absolutely have to go NC again if MM lets me down again. It is a matter of "survival" for me. Pardon me for being so melodramatic!!!!

 

Anyway, keep posting. We're all here in the same boat, some OW's slightly further down the line than others.

[Jessie61]

I am moving on. Had a date tonight. He was quite the gentleman...flowers, dinner, movie. Feels good to be adored by a man and not have to worry about if he is going home to some other woman. AND, he was extremely attentive to me. My wish was his command. Felt good.

 

Real good.

 

 

WA,

 

GOOD for you!!!

[lovernotafighter]

I keep trying to do NC and every time with in days something happens that puts me square one. the week before I managed to ignore him most of the week then he comes and begs me to lunch.

 

this week I went a few days of ignoring him again then he came around again..so I sent him a break up letter and told him not to see me at work...so he writes all this beautiful junk and calls...so he apologises a thousand times I sent him another letter thanking him but for him to leave me alone..so he shows up with a bunch of movies and things and says he just wanted to give me those cause he already bought them for me.

when I see him,I'm my weakest,he knows it.

 

Jessie,I think you asked me in another thread if each time seems easier or tougher...I say I feel like not telling him to leave me alone any more because I can't stick to my guns:(

[movinon05]

I keep trying to do NC and every time with in days something happens that puts me square one. the week before I managed to ignore him most of the week then he comes and begs me to lunch.

 

this week I went a few days of ignoring him again then he came around again..so I sent him a break up letter and told him not to see me at work...so he writes all this beautiful junk and calls...so he apologises a thousand times I sent him another letter thanking him but for him to leave me alone..so he shows up with a bunch of movies and things and says he just wanted to give me those cause he already bought them for me.

when I see him,I'm my weakest,he knows it.

 

Jessie,I think you asked me in another thread if each time seems easier or tougher...I say I feel like not telling him to leave me alone any more because I can't stick to my guns:(

 

You are in quite the vicious cycle. I do know what its like. My exMM knows that of me too, that I can become very weak and all he has to do is promise me and work me til I come around. He is very manipulative. Which is why I don't want to see him or hear his voice or look in his eyes ever again. That is why NC has worked for me to get on. Only you know how long you can continue being in this cycle til it wears you down one way or another so that you are just fed up and ready to do a real NC.

[RealityCheck]

I told you all about being NC for 5 months and that I still recieved emails from the exMM and that in his last he mail he asked if he could call me to ask a few questions after he had his head straight. "Whatever".

 

I also told you all that last Thursday I finally responded saying NEVER to contact me by email or phone for any reason because basically what was the point. I made it very clear that unless he is single, I am not open to anything he has to say!

 

Well, Friday I went to a function with a few friends and it was like going through a time warp. Basically the event was like a high school reunion.

I had a BLAST! It was so nice to see people I haven't seen in years! To have people after 20 some odd years say "what fountain of youth have you been drinking from".....lol Sent my EGO through the roof!

 

I have always worked out and have taken care of myself, and though I did feel de-motivated after the affair, I still pushed myself to carry on with taking care of myself. I guess, I have alot of self discipline in that respect.

 

The event I attended on Friday did so much for me and for the rest of the weekend I have remained in this space. It was the best medicine for my state of mind!

 

I feel more stronger and more alive than I have felt in a very long time.

With the support I have received from you all and the ego boost I got from people who do know me, I do feel like I deserve more than what my exMM would offer! Meaning a whole lot of NOTHING!

 

Zara bet me 10 peanuts that he will contact me, truthfully I really hope it never happens even if he chooses to become single, because it only would serve as a reminder of the horrible, hurtful, helplessness, worthlessness and confused state I was in and as God as my witness, I WILL NEVER DO THAT TO MYSELF AGAIN!

 

I wish you all the Love, Luck and happiness you all DESERVE!

 

I want the thank you all for all the support you have given me!! You have no idea how much you all have shed light into such a dark place! You ladies are amazing!!! REMEMBER THAT!

 

I will probably check in here from time to time, because I do feel I made a connection to several of you and I truly am concerned for what you all are going through!

 

*GROUP, BIG HUG*

 

God Bless.

[lovernotafighter]

You are in quite the vicious cycle. I do know what its like. My exMM knows that of me too, that I can become very weak and all he has to do is promise me and work me til I come around. He is very manipulative. Which is why I don't want to see him or hear his voice or look in his eyes ever again. That is why NC has worked for me to get on. Only you know how long you can continue being in this cycle til it wears you down one way or another so that you are just fed up and ready to do a real NC.

yes,I've seen this cycle on these boards before to..the thing is I know it all ends the smae way so I ask my self "why am I bothering" I'm starting to fell insecure and obsessive,which so not me. I hate what this A is doing to me..and that will probably be the straw that breaks the camels back.

 

 

I told you all about being NC for 5 months and that I still recieved emails from the exMM and that in his last he mail he asked if he could call me to ask a few questions after he had his head straight. "Whatever".

 

I also told you all that last Thursday I finally responded saying NEVER to contact me by email or phone for any reason because basically what was the point. I made it very clear that unless he is single, I am not open to anything he has to say!

 

Well, Friday I went to a function with a few friends and it was like going through a time warp. Basically the event was like a high school reunion.

I had a BLAST! It was so nice to see people I haven't seen in years! To have people after 20 some odd years say "what fountain of youth have you been drinking from".....lol Sent my EGO through the roof!

 

I have always worked out and have taken care of myself, and though I did feel de-motivated after the affair, I still pushed myself to carry on with taking care of myself. I guess, I have alot of self discipline in that respect.

 

The event I attended on Friday did so much for me and for the rest of the weekend I have remained in this space. It was the best medicine for my state of mind!

 

I feel more stronger and more alive than I have felt in a very long time.

With the support I have received from you all and the ego boost I got from people who do know me, I do feel like I deserve more than what my exMM would offer! Meaning a whole lot of NOTHING!

 

Zara bet me 10 peanuts that he will contact me, truthfully I really hope it never happens even if he chooses to become single, because it only would serve as a reminder of the horrible, hurtful, helplessness, worthlessness and confused state I was in and as God as my witness, I WILL NEVER DO THAT TO MYSELF AGAIN!

 

I wish you all the Love, Luck and happiness you all DESERVE!

 

I want the thank you all for all the support you have given me!! You have no idea how much you all have shed light into such a dark place! You ladies are amazing!!! REMEMBER THAT!

 

I will probably check in here from time to time, because I do feel I made a connection to several of you and I truly am concerned for what you all are going through!

 

*GROUP, BIG HUG*

 

God Bless.

awh I'm so glad to hear your in a great place,it's good to hear good news! please defiantly check in on us from time to time,you'll be missed *hugs*

[beachrosie]

I am also in NC, but it really is very very very hard for me. I really wanted it to end, but still I am deeply in love with him and I miss him terribly. There is a huge hole in the place that he once use to be. From the 20 phone calls to 30 emails a day, to just seeing one another. I am so scared I am not going to make it. I am scared i am dying inside.

[movinon05]

I am also in NC, but it really is very very very hard for me. I really wanted it to end, but still I am deeply in love with him and I miss him terribly. There is a huge hole in the place that he once use to be. From the 20 phone calls to 30 emails a day, to just seeing one another. I am so scared I am not going to make it. I am scared i am dying inside.

 

BR, you WILL make it. You need to have more faith in yourself. Some of us have come through. We are testimonials. I thought I would die without him as well. But guess what, I haven't!! Yeah sure, he got the best of me recently (unbeknownst to him) when he dropped those gifts off, but I've already bounced back. Time is what you need. And you have to take it one day at a time, if that is all you can muster. I know its hard. I KNOW! But you can do it. You need to do everything you can to refocus on the other aspects of your life. You can do this, and you will. Do not break NC. I repeat. DO NOT BREAK NC. The human will is very strong, you just have to find it within yourself.

[zarathustra]

BR, you WILL make it. You need to have more faith in yourself. Some of us have come through. We are testimonials. I thought I would die without him as well. But guess what, I haven't!! Yeah sure, he got the best of me recently (unbeknownst to him) when he dropped those gifts off, but I've already bounced back. Time is what you need. And you have to take it one day at a time, if that is all you can muster. I know its hard. I KNOW! But you can do it. You need to do everything you can to refocus on the other aspects of your life. You can do this, and you will. Do not break NC. I repeat. DO NOT BREAK NC. The human will is very strong, you just have to find it within yourself.

 

MO, I'm glad to hear your are doing well and staying strong. It appears the weekend did you a world of good.

 

I remember when my ex-fiance used to pop up here and there, it caused some doubts with my then BF (now h). But you know what, may the best man win. If they want us, they have to earn us. That's my new perception.

[movinon05]

Hi Zara,

 

Haven't gotten a chance to reply to you in my "woe is me" thread. I've been really concentrating on working at work. (I'm sure my boss would be happy to know that!! lol).

 

I'm actually doing MUCH better. I have a focus now that I didn't have before because I'm concentrating so much on this business right now and keeping positive.

 

I've noticed my focus is shifting when it comes to MM too. I used to listen to songs everyday that remind me of him while driving to work and back, or wherever. I stopped doing that! With the things I have to focus on now, he is totally in the back of my mind. And as I was driving today, I couldn't "remember" that feeling I had for him. I don't know how to explain what's going on with me, but I just hope it keeps up. I'm in such a positive frame of mind! I just need to keep it going. Its like I hit bottom this weekend and the girls just picked me up. And a new opportunity arose. Hopefully I'm not just up at the top of the rollercoaster. But so far, so good.

 

I truly believe that when we are down is when we miss them or want them the most. Because we start lacking the belief in ourselves and want to fall into that comfort zone of living in LaLa land. Whose to say if I will be back on another thread falling again. I don't know. I've already started preparing myself for the day he approaches me again. At least I know its coming now. Before, I just got blindsided. Until then, my agenda is to keep on keeping on for me and my family.

 

And I agree with your new perception.!

[movinon05]

I am also in NC, but it really is very very very hard for me. I really wanted it to end, but still I am deeply in love with him and I miss him terribly. There is a huge hole in the place that he once use to be. From the 20 phone calls to 30 emails a day, to just seeing one another. I am so scared I am not going to make it. I am scared i am dying inside.

 

BR, I have to apologize. When responding to this post, I wasn't recalling your story, but I just saw what Zara wrote in another thread and then I remembered. She is right. Yours is a bit of a different story, and its horrible that these things are happening. His W truly needs help and you are in a bad situation. So I think the best thing is still to do NC and focus on yourself as I said. He sounds like he has a lot to handle right now. Take care of yourself and should the time come that he is able to take care of it, then you will be in a better place. But you have to take care of yourself, hard as it is.

[Guest]

BR, I have to apologize. When responding to this post, I wasn't recalling your story, but I just saw what Zara wrote in another thread and then I remembered. She is right. Yours is a bit of a different story, and its horrible that these things are happening. His W truly needs help and you are in a bad situation. So I think the best thing is still to do NC and focus on yourself as I said. He sounds like he has a lot to handle right now. Take care of yourself and should the time come that he is able to take care of it, then you will be in a better place. But you have to take care of yourself, hard as it is.

 

Thank you so much to you and Zara. It's been so challenging, and I just don't have it in me to do the things I normally like. I realize through a lot of it I was trying to save him and protect him, and somehow lost myself in the process. He said he was feeling suicidal a couple of months before I came into the picture and that just hurt me so deeply because he really has a deep soul. But really none of this has been good for me, but really dangerous as I cannot save the world. I am not a doctor, nor a counselor. I really am a woman that is in love with a person I realize now I didn't know...I think.

 

I so much wanted to call in sick today at work, but I went and am happy I went. Although, I didn't that much it was good to be around other people and outside of my own mind. I still want to call him and write him, and am writing but to a fake account...to get things out of my mind and onto something tangible. I'm rambling now. It's been 7 days and I feel lost, but I'm holding on to the happiness I had before and during some of the times we shared together.

[scarletletter]

Still in a full-fledged affair. Am I lucky? Hell no. Am I smart? Hell no. Is he ever going to leave the wife? Probably not anytime soon. Do I even want him to? Not sure. Am I screwed up? Hell yes.

I'm sure one day I might be one of the girls here begging for advice on how to leave but for now, I am content...not really, but I tell myself that every day. Too late to turn back the hands of time so for now...I will be the OW. It's a choice that we make and a bad one.

[eyeswideshut]

Scarlett

 

i feel the same way.

I wasn't even dating the guy... He wasn't even in marriage counseling yet. When he told me he was going back to her, it wasn't even a break up because we weren't even a couple.

People have said to run...

and I'm so strong now I feel as though if I have to, now would be the right time.

what is it about MM that make them so incredibly forgivable though.

My ex-fiancee was just here, professing his undying love for me. he wants it all marriage, children, to give me freedom to give me all i ever want.

But what do I do? I turn my back, because i want to make sure i keep the path totally clear for when my MM comes back.

am i so deluded?

with all the issues my MM has to resolve, i know the last and most difficult thing for him would be to jump into a relationship with me.

I know he just lost his brother, he married into her family when he had lost his mother, and he has so many issues he has to deal with, let alone his fear and lack of commitment.

yet i trust him??!!!

what the hell is wrong with ME???

 

why does this married man allow me to break down all the walls. why is he able to admit so many of his deepest fears?

Why can't he do that with her? Why can't I do that with others?

why is it I feel best when I am driving full speed with my eyes closed?

why can't i care for someone who so obviously is hurting right now (my ex-fiancee)

and why would i, at the drop of a hat, want to respond to my MM, just because he's going through some confusion in his mind (about how best to handle two women at once?)

I swear. women, I am writing a novel.

i need all your input. think of all the men you have loved. what does the married man have that they don't have??

 

if we find some common links, maybe we can see how "unspecial" he is, argh.... even though right now he can do no wrong in my eyes....

[lovernotafighter]

I don't know how the MM's have such power EWS. Friday my my MM came to see me and apologised for something I was trying to use to initiate NC and he was obviously putting on the charming act and I found it adorable...fake smile and everything.

 

I fall for it hook line and sinker,every NC angle I'm trying he's going around and I'm just letting it happen.

 

never in my wildest dreams would I think any one could make me fall in love with them...and he hardly tried! maybe thats it...the whole chase thing..maybe we all just want something we can't have.

[eyeswideshut]

LNF,

What did he say?

what did his eyes say?

is he leaving her? is that his hook?

all mine gave me was proof he would always cheat on her... proof he didn't love her, proof he was confused about how to proceed.

he told me he misses me all the time.

but his actions??!!!

none.

no action.

just "wanna hang out" when she's out of town/

and an email everyday saying he is going out of his mind.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[lovernotafighter]

LNF,

What did he say?

what did his eyes say?

is he leaving her? is that his hook?

all mine gave me was proof he would always cheat on her... proof he didn't love her, proof he was confused about how to proceed.

he told me he misses me all the time.

but his actions??!!!

none.

no action.

just "wanna hang out" when she's out of town/

and an email everyday saying he is going out of his mind.

arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

oh EWS you got it lol!! he was working his eye magic whoo.

 

I wrote him a break up letter and asked him to please not see me for awhile..at least let me lick my wounds.

 

so first he sends me this really beautiful e-mail..very Cyrano de Bergerac if you ask me..and anyway I thanked him and again reminded him not to see me.

 

so then he calls me..I make it short..so he shows up..with a bunch of movies and things he bought me. he says he already bought 'em so he better bring them to me.

 

then apologises again for being insensitive, and tells me he loves me..but this is at work in front of people and he's like a foot from my face staring into my eyes...I thought I was gonna die on the spot!

 

no he isn't going to leave her...and that's the thing that was going on in my thread that was making me nuts..see I kept encouraging him to work on his marriage and he kept telling me he was going to leave,join me , this and that...so when I finally called him to the mat he recoiled as predicted.

then again started up about want to be with me..I told him to knock it off because he isn't going anywhere..he says ok but it usually a matter of days when he starts up again.

 

so his hook..hell if I know. he actions are nuts and erratic. for instance. I think you might know from my posts that he is a shift supervisor where I work..and there plenty of people there not just a few..and one day he sent everyone home early so we could have lunch.

 

I just learned from another supervisor that my MM has been trying to get my hours changed so I can be with him on his shift...he never has mentioned this to me.

 

today was his W's b-day and she got in a car wreck..he snuck out to call me to tell me why he didn't send me a e-mail...he writes almost everyday.

but see some things are really nice then others..like though it was nice he called me..what about his W? and he started to explain him self like I wouldn't understand why he was with her?? I never act like he needs to do this and that drives me nuts!!

 

maybe I like being nuts..maybe that's is his hook *sigh*

 

(I told my sister about him finally and about our weird relationship....she said it sounded like the show Moonlighting with Dave and Matte..I like the sitcom spin)

[movinon05]

This is why NC is the only thing that will work. It seems I am the only one who has had their MM start NC (without telling me). I was so hurt. I never broke NC. I just kind of went numb. And I wasn't about to go running back to him crying and begging. Its just not in me. Then out of the blue he would show up again. I would hear his voice. See his eyes. And then not know where the hell I was when he started talking and cajoling me and his sincerity always seemed real so that I started believing him again. He always said "Don't doubt my love for you." I know when he shows up again (and I say "when", not "if"), he will tell me what I already know I'm going to hear so I am preparing myself mentally. I want to believe I can do this when the time comes. But I would rather not. I would rather not have to look him in the eyes or hear his voice, because I am afraid I will falter. I want him to stay away forever and I want to move away from here.

 

I don't know why they have that power. I haven't a clue. I don't want someone to have that kind of power over me. But NC is the only thing that worked for me and made me able to go on.

 

I'm sure I haven't answered your question. I don't have the answer! I can only attest to what works.

[zarathustra]

oh EWS you got it lol!! he was working his eye magic whoo.

 

I wrote him a break up letter and asked him to please not see me for awhile..at least let me lick my wounds.

 

so first he sends me this really beautiful e-mail..very Cyrano de Bergerac if you ask me..and anyway I thanked him and again reminded him not to see me.

 

so then he calls me..I make it short..so he shows up..with a bunch of movies and things he bought me. he says he already bought 'em so he better bring them to me.

 

then apologises again for being insensitive, and tells me he loves me..but this is at work in front of people and he's like a foot from my face staring into my eyes...I thought I was gonna die on the spot!

 

no he isn't going to leave her...and that's the thing that was going on in my thread that was making me nuts..see I kept encouraging him to work on his marriage and he kept telling me he was going to leave,join me , this and that...so when I finally called him to the mat he recoiled as predicted.

then again started up about want to be with me..I told him to knock it off because he isn't going anywhere..he says ok but it usually a matter of days when he starts up again.

 

so his hook..hell if I know. he actions are nuts and erratic. for instance. I think you might know from my posts that he is a shift supervisor where I work..and there plenty of people there not just a few..and one day he sent everyone home early so we could have lunch.

 

I just learned from another supervisor that my MM has been trying to get my hours changed so I can be with him on his shift...he never has mentioned this to me.

 

today was his W's b-day and she got in a car wreck..he snuck out to call me to tell me why he didn't send me a e-mail...he writes almost everyday.

but see some things are really nice then others..like though it was nice he called me..what about his W? and he started to explain him self like I wouldn't understand why he was with her?? I never act like he needs to do this and that drives me nuts!!

 

maybe I like being nuts..maybe that's is his hook *sigh*

 

(I told my sister about him finally and about our weird relationship....she said it sounded like the show Moonlighting with Dave and Matte..I like the sitcom spin)

have you tried the, "if you love me as you say you love me and respect me at all, please leave don't contact me again." line?

 

It worked a bit for me.

[movinon05]

have you tried the, "if you love me as you say you love me and respect me at all, please leave don't contact me again." line?

 

It worked a bit for me.

 

Gee, I wonder if that will work for me when the time comes!!

[scarletletter]

I guess the jury is still out on why we are so foolish. I was with MM today for a few hours. I just cannot even explain the feelings that I have for him. Today is the very first time that he admitted to being really in love with me, although I knew it anyway. He would never say it because it was a "defense mechanism"....kept him from losing control. Well, he has lost control now. I never, ever push him to leave the wife and I think that is why he is suddenly realizing for himself that he should. It is definately not the challenge of persuing someone who is not available...I hate the fact that he is not totally available. I love him with all of my heart and until him, I never even knew what love was. We have the most intense relationship known to man. I am like a sick, in love puppy. He is truly the most amazing man I have ever met and is a beautiful person. That is all that I know...it is what keeps me going day to day. I feel like such a silly teenager. I want to be with him every waking moment. We have been together for 9 months now and get closer and closer each time we are together. I feel so sad that I have had relationships where I thought I was in love but until now, I know that I was not. I know some of this might make a few people sick, but I'm just being honest about how I feel. I wish I had an explaination for the reasons that we do the things that we do...but I do not.

[StoneyHeart]

you aren't sick. If we didn't all feel so "high" and in love we would never put up with someone who goes home to someone else. Never. If you were doing this and weren't so completely in love, then I'd think you were really sick.

 

I am more in love with MM today than I was when we first started, but I have constantly tried to end contact since first week because roller coaster is much too sickening for me. Completely and utterly in love, but I am so ready for have control of myself again and demand the kind of love I deserve!

[RealityCheck]

ScarletLetter....

 

We have all confessed our feelings for our MM. That's why we are all here, so you really don't have to defend your reasons! Really! We completely understand.

 

All I want to add, is be careful and remain aware. Don't get lost ONLY in your emotions. Keep your mind sharp in this situation.

 

*BigHug*