Noos Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Has anyone ever gone out with sonmeobne where they didn't have that initial spark of attraction straight away but it developed between them later on? Is it possible for that spark to develop and be fanned into flames but not be thre on the first few dates?
alphamale Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Has anyone ever gone out with sonmeobne where they didn't have that initial spark of attraction straight away but it developed between them later on? nope...the "spark" has to be there right away. every time I hoped it would develop it did not (at least from my end) Is it possible for that spark to develop and be fanned into flames but not be thre on the first few dates? maybe on rare occasion...but I would think that would be the exception and not the rule.
obsession Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 If you're going out on dates already and the spark is not there, I don't think it's likely to develop. If you are just friends, you might develop feelings if you get to know the other person. Or you could also decide that he's going to be in the "friend" zone permanently.
Curmudgeon Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 It's decidedly possible. There was no *spark* when I asked my wife out for the first time which is precisely why I asked her out. We'd been work friends for five years and were former coworkers. Two years of living like a monk after a divorce, I didn't want any *spark,* just a pleasant time sharing a drive and a meal with someone I admired and respected. I think that's all she wanted too. Who was to know we'd fall in love, but we're awfully glad we did.
Yamaha Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Attraction comes in many forms but sexual attraction is animalistic and it's either there or it's not.
Touche Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 It's decidedly possible. There was no *spark* when I asked my wife out for the first time which is precisely why I asked her out. We'd been work friends for five years and were former coworkers. Two years of living like a monk after a divorce, I didn't want any *spark,* just a pleasant time sharing a drive and a meal with someone I admired and respected. I think that's all she wanted too. Who was to know we'd fall in love, but we're awfully glad we did. Why does this not ring true for me? You say that you asked your wife out for the first time "precisely" for the reason that you were not attracted to her and there was no spark? I don't buy it for one minute. After someone has lived two years like a monk, they're not looking for just a friend to have lunch with. You were attracted to her from the beginning and you know it. Be REAL! (You've let me down with this.)
Curmudgeon Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I respected and admired her and I was just looking for someone to have brunch with on a little part-day trip to a small seaside town where I wanted to shop in a particular store for Christmas for my daughters. I simply thought some pleasant adult company and conversation would be a nice diversion after years of self-imposed solitude which I'd actually come to enjoy.. Believe me, after three years of celibacy (one while married to the ex, two post-divorce), sex really wasn't an issue or a present thought. try it yourself. You'll see what i mean. If it helps any, the trip became extended (long story) and that first date lasted over 16 hours by the time I dropped her off at her home. We fell in love halfway through the lovely 17-Mile Drive in Carmel which had not been planned (neither falling in love NOR the drive). One week and nine dates later she came to my home so I could prepare dinner for her. She never left (had to be my cooking, right?). We were engaged a week later and married six weeks after that.
alphamale Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 One week and nine dates later she came to my home so I could prepare dinner for her. She never left (had to be my cooking, right?). Did you put arsenic in the meatloaf CURMUDGE? Did you fail to mention that your "wife" is a rotting corpse in your bedroom? A little necrophilia going on there?
Touche Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I respected and admired her and I was just looking for someone to have brunch with on a little part-day trip to a small seaside town where I wanted to shop in a particular store for Christmas for my daughters. I simply thought some pleasant adult company and conversation would be a nice diversion after years of self-imposed solitude which I'd actually come to enjoy.. Believe me, after three years of celibacy (one while married to the ex, two post-divorce), sex really wasn't an issue or a present thought. try it yourself. You'll see what i mean. If it helps any, the trip became extended (long story) and that first date lasted over 16 hours by the time I dropped her off at her home. We fell in love halfway through the lovely 17-Mile Drive in Carmel which had not been planned (neither falling in love NOR the drive). One week and nine dates later she came to my home so I could prepare dinner for her. She never left (had to be my cooking, right?). We were engaged a week later and married six weeks after that. What a GREAT story! Reminds me a lot of my husband and I's whilrwind courtship. I do want to say that your comment about "trying" out self-imposed celibacy was a bit presumptous on your part, dear man. I have "tried" it. And that is what I based my comments on. When I came out of it, I was STARVED for more than just "pleasant conversation" and "adult company." So been there, done that, C. I think you're fooling yourself and re-writing your own history. You wanted that woman for more than conversation and company and you know it. You don't have to admit it to me or to anyone else. But be honest with yourself. There's no shame in what you wanted from her. I mean I am sure you desired her for the other things you mentioned, but I think you know there was more to it than that. No shame in it at all.
Lonestar Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Has anyone ever gone out with sonmeobne where they didn't have that initial spark of attraction straight away but it developed between them later on? Is it possible for that spark to develop and be fanned into flames but not be thre on the first few dates? Yes, it's possible, but for me never worked out in the long run. It's way too easy to lose the attraction if you had to work to make it happen in the first place.
alphamale Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Yes, it's possible, but for me never worked out in the long run. It's way too easy to lose the attraction if you had to work to make it happen in the first place. agreed LONEY....the attraction should be mutual and strong right from the first word you utter to each other and the first look into each others eyes. Thats what we call REAL chemistry. Oh god, its wonderful when it happens (which is not often).
Curmudgeon Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Oh I knew, alright, and had known from the moment I met her five years earlier. I also did a wonderful and thorough job of suppressing it, most convincingly, especially to myself. After all, I was married to someone else for the first three years we knew one another. We worked for the same agency for the first four years and neither of us believe in fishing in the company pond. Regardless, there was always something extremely compelling about her and many signs and portents that, one day, we'd be together (yet another long story). However, the pragmatic part of me kept convincing myself that although we were friends we were too different in too many ways to ever make a go of it. That's why I saw her as a "safe" date. I was wrong and I'm glad!
Lonestar Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 agreed LONEY....the attraction should be mutual and strong right from the first word you utter to each other and the first look into each others eyes. Thats what we call REAL chemistry. Oh god, its wonderful when it happens (which is not often). Yeah, but I always have that chemistry with the wrong men. Bad boys just make my heart flutter Thank god I got fixed. Now they just have to ban me from marriage.
Touche Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 agreed LONEY....the attraction should be mutual and strong right from the first word you utter to each other and the first look into each others eyes. Thats what we call REAL chemistry. Oh god, its wonderful when it happens (which is not often). ABSOLUTELY agree. Funny though. That initial "spark" and strong attraction can be a cerebral one, an intellectual one FIRST and THEN the physical follows. I just wanted to state my own definition of "spark" and "attraction." Because, as many of us are aware, the mental connection can often precede the physical one.
alphamale Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I just wanted to state my own definition of "spark" and "attraction." Because, as many of us are aware, the mental connection can often precede the physical one. real chemistry is on many levels TOUCHE....physical, mental, emotional, meta-physical, spiritual, sexual, hormonal.....blah blah
Touche Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Oh I knew, alright, and had known from the moment I met her five years earlier. I also did a wonderful and thorough job of suppressing it, most convincingly, especially to myself. After all, I was married to someone else for the first three years we knew one another. We worked for the same agency for the first four years and neither of us believe in fishing in the company pond. Regardless, there was always something extremely compelling about her and many signs and portents that, one day, we'd be together (yet another long story). However, the pragmatic part of me kept convincing myself that although we were friends we were too different in too many ways to ever make a go of it. That's why I saw her as a "safe" date. I was wrong and I'm glad! Fascinating! Really. Wow, I was right... You knew all along but had to supress it. So the truth comes out now. See, you initially said that you asked her out precisely because you only saw her as basically "safe" and a friend. I knew that was not the case. You really knew right from the beginning. Just like my husband and I did. Thanks for being so honest, C. I admire you. You remind me so much of my wonderful husband. Damn, I miss him so much tonight! (He's at my sister-in-law's husbands funeral in another state! )
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