Dating married woman (sorry long)

[baf3472]

I am confused about how i should procede with this and after reading alot of the posts on here, maybe someone can help me out.

A little backround

I met her about 5 months ago. She was beautiful, sophisticated, intelligent, basically every thing i ever wanted in a woman. We hit it off great. Shes 27 and im 33. We live about 120 miles away so i knew things would be alittle complicated because of the distance. Despite that we both agreed to give it a shot because of the connection we felt. We agreed to see each other every weekend. We also talked on the phone several times a day. About 3 weeks into the relationship, i was hit with a bombshell. She told me she was married. Now i had my suspicions something wasnt right, but at the same time everything she said and did pointed to her being single. Not wearing a wedding ring, going out at night, sleeping at friends houses for the weekend... etc. I didnt know what to think when she told me. She told me if never wanted to see her again she would understand but she made it perfectly clear that she had wanted us to continue seeing each other. I asked her why she waited to tell me instead of saying something in the beginning, and she told me as far as she was concerned her marriage was over and she was afraid i would treat her more like a girl i wanted to sleep with than someone i wanted to get to know. I told her she was the one who had to live with the consequences of us being together as her marriage was on the line and i was not gonna be responsible for breaking up a family. She said she had no problem with that. She moved out about a week later assuring me i wasnt the reason. Her husband knew she was seeing me at this point. I asked why she would do this to her husband and she said her marriage was one of convenience. They had been together for over 10 years. Somewhere along the line, the love in the marriage disappeared and it was like living with a roommate. They came home from work, she went to her room, he went to his. Normally i wouldnt have a problem with dating a woman who was married before but this time its different. Maybe its because she was still married and living in the same house with him when we met. maybe its because ive never felt like this about anyone and can see myself marrying her. My problem now is i have trouble accepting the fact that shes pretty much done everything once already. Ive never been married, but now i feel like im playing second fiddle. Shes already had a wedding, had a honeymoon, bought a house together and moved in with someone. I feel like everything we do together isnt gonna be as precious to her as it is to me becauce shes already done it before. Am i being silly or am i right to be feeling like this? Another issue we have is me trusting her. How can u trust someone who would cheat on a spouse? I have never cheated on anyone i have been involved in. She said this is the first time she has been outside of her marraige and like she had told me earlier, as far as she was concerned the marraig was over. I cant help but wondef if she would do the same thing to me several years down the road. Ive talked about it with her and she agreed that she would have the same reservations if the roles were reversed and all she could do was try her best to prove to me that she is trustworthy.

Has anyone here been in a situation like this before?? Anyone have any advice? thanx alot.

[dgiirl]

Not only is she cheating, but even worse is she's staying married out of convience. This is a girl who doesnt have the guts to do what needs to be done and be honest with her husband. I think you have every right to wonder about her integrity, and to be honest, no matter what sad story she gives you, the truth of it is she stayed with her husband until she found better. Instead of working on the problem, she avoids it. Instead of getting out when she should, she stays until it's no longer convient for her. Cheating is just a symptom of her bigger issues. I wouldnt trust her and I think you'd be wise to break it off with her.

[Guest]

I agree and ive had those exact same thoughts in my head. Ive asked why she even got married in the first place and she told she didnt think marraige was supposed to be a fairy tale. She said they have never had an intimate connection, more like being best friends. What she says make sense but at the same time i could never see myself marrying someone and staying with them just because we got along so im having trouble understanding her thought process. She had told me they had talked about getting divorced about 1 year into the marraige, and when i asked why they didnt, she told me she was raised to think once u get married, u stayed married. I feel like she contradicting herself becasue the reality is, she did cheat on her husband. But at the same time, i cant help but feel like maybe her marraieg was a mistake and now shes come to her senses and wants more, which i think she is getting from me.

[stereo1]

I agree with dgiirl, and I'll add the fact that you don't really know how things are with her husband, either. Their relationship may be normal other than the fact she's seeing someone else. If he can't trust her, can you? No, you can't.

[catgirl1927]

If someone will cheat with you, they will cheat on you. You have no way of knowing what her marriage was really like.

 

As for her having experienced everything before, you're not the first person who has had that concern. I can tell you from experience that it's new each time. Or, it all feels new the second time. I imagine it's old hat for Liz Taylor by now.