movinon05 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 This has nothing to do with OW/OM, but you are my friends and know some of my situation, so I'm posting this here. I have found that in the past few months, I am in a slump. I do the basic housework things, but not enough or like I used to. So my house is in disarray. I'm in a terrible financial situation, and have some of the tools and things happening to help me get out of it, but I'm not doing everything I need to do. I'm mixed up about my BF, I'm mixed up about my exMM. I spend most of my extra time on this board rather than getting out and doing like I used to. I have no friends to do anything with. I've gained weight so now I don't fit into my spring clothes and I'm damned if I'm going to buy the next size up. I'm up at 5:00 a.m. even if I don't want to be, and I used to make myself go out and walk for 1/2 hour everyday, but instead I am here on this board. I'm sinking. And I'm keeping this a different thread from the "What are you doing to get on thread." I don't have the energy, half the time I don't care. Lately, all I do is do what I have to do to get by. I'm avoiding creditors. I'm procrastinating everything. I was never like this. And I don't have the energy anymore. How do I get out of this? How do I handle all the things I need to handle? Its too much anymore. Its like a snowball rolling downhill and I can't stop it. I've run out of steam. How do I get it back? I have little bits of joy, but not enough to make me work hard anymore. I'm getting concerned about myself, but I can't get myself up and moving. I'm tired of it all. I want to stop hurting and wondering about my life, if it will ever change for the good. I have my good days when I'm as strong as ever but I have become apathetic. And I feel like a hypocrite when I post the good things because all the bad are underlying and not being taken care of. I'm afraid I'm done.
Walking away Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Oh no you don't! You have been such a source of strength to all of us! You are my champion! We ALL have times when we feel like we are slipping down the slope. ALL of us. And, honestly, you guys are the only ones I can talk to about my life. Movinon, you are amazing. What you have endured is incredible to me. You have a beautiful famliy and you have done everything you can to keep your family intact. And, you have! See this as the dark time in your life. We all have them. Some of us are going through the darkness with you. But, there is light at the end of the tunnel. Cling to it. You must. You have become too important to us to do anything but. Hang on. We are here for you. Keep posting. Hugs WA
Walking away Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 When life throws curve balls at us, and we find ourselves utterly flat on our faces, we have no choice but to carefully pick ourselves up and move ahead. At times, my life seems daunting, too. I have lost energy at times and feel weakened, but I gingerly pick myself up and take care of MYSELF. Love yourself. There is much to love. You are capable of great love. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, graceful, dignified and classy. Believe this about yourself. It is true. You will come out of this stronger. And better. Baby steps, movinon, baby steps. Tackle one thing at a time. Don't be afraid to ask for help if you are overwhelmed. We ALL need a little help sometimes. Know that you have many friends here....and I am proud to count myself as one of them.
Jessie61 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 This has nothing to do with OW/OM, but you are my friends and know some of my situation, so I'm posting this here. I have found that in the past few months, I am in a slump. I do the basic housework things, but not enough or like I used to. So my house is in disarray. I'm in a terrible financial situation, and have some of the tools and things happening to help me get out of it, but I'm not doing everything I need to do. I'm mixed up about my BF, I'm mixed up about my exMM. I spend most of my extra time on this board rather than getting out and doing like I used to. I have no friends to do anything with. I've gained weight so now I don't fit into my spring clothes and I'm damned if I'm going to buy the next size up. I'm up at 5:00 a.m. even if I don't want to be, and I used to make myself go out and walk for 1/2 hour everyday, but instead I am here on this board. I'm sinking. And I'm keeping this a different thread from the "What are you doing to get on thread." I don't have the energy, half the time I don't care. Lately, all I do is do what I have to do to get by. I'm avoiding creditors. I'm procrastinating everything. I was never like this. And I don't have the energy anymore. How do I get out of this? How do I handle all the things I need to handle? Its too much anymore. Its like a snowball rolling downhill and I can't stop it. I've run out of steam. How do I get it back? I have little bits of joy, but not enough to make me work hard anymore. I'm getting concerned about myself, but I can't get myself up and moving. I'm tired of it all. I want to stop hurting and wondering about my life, if it will ever change for the good. I have my good days when I'm as strong as ever but I have become apathetic. And I feel like a hypocrite when I post the good things because all the bad are underlying and not being taken care of. I'm afraid I'm done. Movinon, I was depressed a few years ago (long before MM by the way) and I recognise everything you say here. Having no energy, waking at all hours of the morning, getting nothing done, hurting and this awful sinking feeling.... Is there a possibility that you might be depressed too? If it is going on for weeks and weeks (then turning into months and months), then you should see your doctor. Please do! I did and it did help an awful lot and I have never looked back since! Yes, it tooks me a long time to accept that I needed help, but I did eventually and I am so grateful that I did. Say to yourself that you don't have to feel like this. Life is NOT supposed to be an endurance test, you are meant to ENJOY it, if not all the time then at least a lot of the time, or (of you are lucky) even most of the time!!! You are a fantastic person and you deserve to be happy! If you don't like the idea of talking to a professional, then try to be good to yourself; reward yourself every day for whatever you achieved that day, even if it is little. Concentrate on the GOOD things about yourself, and you might be surprised how capable and valuable you a-c-t-u-a-l-l-y are. Make sure you eat healthy food so that your energy has a chance to increase. Take some gentle exercise, even if it is only a 5 minute walk around the neighbourhood. Read HAPPY things. Listen to HAPPY music. Watch HAPPY films. There is loads more than you can do.... Keep posting whatever you do! OK????
Jessie61 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 You are capable of great love. You are beautiful, strong, intelligent, graceful, dignified and classy. I agree 100%!!!!
Walking away Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 If you can manage it, EXERCISE. Even if it is just a little bit a day. Those endorphins WILL manage to make you feel a teeny bit better if you can manage a walk or some type of exercise. I agree with Jessie. Eat well. Small meals throughout the day to keep your strength. Take vitamins. Drink lots of fluids...(Geez...can you tell I am a nurse?!) Talk to someone professional if you feel the need. But, take care of YOURSELF. You are very special and deserve a life better than what you are living. I do wish we all lived close by each other. It would be so nice to be able to talk in person and know that someone is closeby to lend a hand when needed.
StoneyHeart Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 this is the most awesome forum!!! you guys are helping me just by being non-judgmental to each other, ADMITTING when you need help, and hugging each other (even in only words) when one is down. Each day is different. I remember people telling me how strong I was surviving other stuff (unrelated to MM) like my dad's death (which drove me to MM- not sure if b/c replacing dad or b/c dad couldn't find out and be disappointed....). I HATED BEING TOUGH/STRONG. I would have given anything then (and am so grateful now) to have someone I could admit all this stuff to that would just tell me to CRY and get it out and then it would be okay soon. I was so afraid to CRY over MM (though some days I did) because I was afraid I'd "be done" too and/or never pull out of it. I may never really, but just trying my best to go one day at a time. Funny thing is that just having someone to say all this stuff to helps it lose it's power (last night when I found this place I was much worse off about everything than I am today). So, I may spend too much time on here too, but it is HELPING- and from what I read MOVINON is helping everybody so she better not be done!!! {{{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}}
Walking away Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Oh yeah, this forum has been a godsend for me. StoneyHeart....Welcome. You are amongst friends.
Author movinon05 Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 Thanks Guys. I only have moments to be on here right now, but I read through what you've said and I'm crying, my heart is full. I can't write more now, but I just want to say thanks.
Jessie61 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Thanks Guys. I only have moments to be on here right now, but I read through what you've said and I'm crying, my heart is full. I can't write more now, but I just want to say thanks. Movinon, Come back to us as soon as you're ready. OK? You are not alone, remember that!
lovernotafighter Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 If you can manage it, EXERCISE. Even if it is just a little bit a day. Those endorphins WILL manage to make you feel a teeny bit better if you can manage a walk or some type of exercise. I agree with Jessie. Eat well. Small meals throughout the day to keep your strength. Take vitamins. Drink lots of fluids...(Geez...can you tell I am a nurse?!) Talk to someone professional if you feel the need. But, take care of YOURSELF. You are very special and deserve a life better than what you are living. I do wish we all lived close by each other. It would be so nice to be able to talk in person and know that someone is closeby to lend a hand when needed. if we could all hang out together I have sneaking suspicion it would be like Sex in the City! movin on I totally understand how you feel...the last couple weeks especially I can't stand to get up and go on..like you I have my good days and like Thursday..I had another melt down..my plate is so full..I used to make this look easy (at least I thought I did.) but it has finally caught up with me. the gals are right about the eating right and doing a little exercise...I haven't done it enough..but I can tell you when I do force my self to do it..I suddenly feel a happier and little more in control of myself. I'm gonna make some much needed doctors appointments and do somethings for myself..we have to will our selves to move and get through..it is the only way. I do have to put on a act to the world..but when I am in it sometimes I feel like the face I put on,the good days..because I have to keep telling myself who I want to be..sooner or later I'll be myself again..we have to hang on to hope movin..it can only get better right?
eyeswideshut Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 i took a day off on Friday to read the books Why men love Bitches and Do you think he will leave her for you? i took the day off because i couldn't keep up with regular things such as sleep, housework, etc... Then I invited a friend over so I had to clean up. But this week was better. I did have a depression years ago, and what helped me was doing things that are productive. I read a lot. Some books that changed my outlook were The Power of Now by Tolle and Freedom from the Known, by Krishnamurti. I forced myself to take Yoga. And to meditate. When we are stressed out, the only way to allow our nervous system to regenerate is through meditation. (easy: sit in a chair, close your eyes, and listen to your breath without judging it, nor the thoughts in your mind, for ten minutes, work up to 30) I believe sometimes it feels as though we can try to make ourselves feel better by doing outside things: waxing, going out with friends, running. However, in my experience, the meditation saved my mental health. It's the only thing that truly works. It sounds so easy, but imagine having all the answers to your questions, and allowing your mind to stop obsessing. My problem was that I was living in my mind and not "in the now". When i meditate, it's as though I can keep my head above water and see things objectively, without living them emotionally. Only when you do it can you truly understand how powerful it is. not even in sleep does our nervous system regenerate. Only in meditation. So imagine someone who never ever meditates, basically, if there is an overload of stress, it starts to show in the body, and sometimes in the mentality. You need to be strong, but in order to take that first step, you need to recharge your batteries. you want to avoid depresssion. which is the worst illness because you begin to think that you should try to control your own thinking, and feel discouraged if you can't. I haven't been through hell and back. I've always tried to avoid it, because there is a history of depression in my family. it scares the s*** out of me. Which is why I always make time for myself. One hour a day is for me only. And I make it my duty to run every day (15-40 minutes), meditate every day, and on days when I think I'm going downhill, I register for 10 or so Yoga sessions. Everything I do is for my mind to stay strong. (although it does have wonderful repercussions on my body - people think I am obsessed about my looks, but in reality, I am doing whatever it takes to not fall into the depression trap) I eat well, not because I am disciplined, but because I want my body, my mind to remain healthy and strong (again, avoiding depression). Go out, buy some healthy foods: oatmeal, flax, wheat germ, almonds, fish, broccoli, peppers (orange, yellow, red), yogurt, berries. Eat those foods daily. At least, whenever things hit me hard in life I am no longer afraid that it will touch me mentally. I just keep doing it, and now it has become a lifestyle. taking care of yourself is not selfish, it's the best thing you can do in your life and it allows you to be generous and giving to others too. in my Bikram yoga book, a mother goes to yoga class once a week. The instructor says: you must come every day. She says: I have three children and a husband at home. He says: all the more reason to come every day... If you want to take good care of them, you have to be strong yourself. When I feel as though there is no time to do all this caretaking (of myself) I try to remember that some yogi, only needed 4 hours or sleep each night because he meditated and therefore needed less time to recuperate. So there is always time. Just do it. Good luck. We are all here for you. And don't spend all your time on the post. As much as I love you guys, I have to limit myself. You have to feed you mind with positive things most of the time. Reading about depressed OW's can be destructive behaviour. So limit it to about 30 minutes a day. Don't wallow here. Then go out and live YOUR life. love you
lovernotafighter Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 eyeswideshut,thank you for making this post...I never considered yoga before...but I must say there is plenty logic in what you saying..I really think I might try this,thanks a ton...how did you like 'why men love bitches' any way?
eyeswideshut Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Hi there LNF! I LOVED the book. Was it you who recommended it? I realized I am SUCH a bitch. But the book Will he really leave her for me? is also extremely eye-opening. It makes you understand the underlying issues behind the relationship of the married couple, why they chose one another, and whether the problem lies in the couple or in each individual. Ex: my MM has childhood issues which maybe caused him to marry a certain type of woman, but if he doesn't resolve these issues, he can carry it on in his next relationship. I am so glad to know that my MM is going to couple therapy and his own grief therapy to mourn his brother and mother. he's really doing a lot of introspective work, so, I give him credit. the meditation and yoga did actually change my perspective on life. I always thought that if I only exercised and did creative work, I'd be fine. But it is only through meditation that you really develop your mind and nourish your soul. you really get in touch with your inner voice that way and are more able to fully realize your potential and develop your instincts. Ever have that feeling where you have no idea what your inner voice is saying and you are really confused? Well, try two weeks of meditating every day, and you will get this incredible epiphanies of what it is you truly want for yourself. This helped me grieve my 8 year relationship with my fiance. I loved him and couldn't understand why i couldn't stay with him or why I didn't want to marry him. but through meditation I realized i was doing the right thing. I told my MM to meditate and I am not pursuing the relationship at all, until he is able to tell me he has done his own introspection and realized for himself what he truly wants. In other words, I will not let myself fall in love with him completely (although i do love him) until he has dealt with his issues. His therapist told him I was very good for him. and that he should indeed meditate. let me know if you are willing to try this. keep me updated.
Jessie61 Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 if we could all hang out together I have sneaking suspicion it would be like Sex in the City! movin on I totally understand how you feel...the last couple weeks especially I can't stand to get up and go on..like you I have my good days and like Thursday..I had another melt down..my plate is so full..I used to make this look easy (at least I thought I did.) but it has finally caught up with me. the gals are right about the eating right and doing a little exercise...I haven't done it enough..but I can tell you when I do force my self to do it..I suddenly feel a happier and little more in control of myself. I'm gonna make some much needed doctors appointments and do somethings for myself..we have to will our selves to move and get through..it is the only way. I do have to put on a act to the world..but when I am in it sometimes I feel like the face I put on,the good days..because I have to keep telling myself who I want to be..sooner or later I'll be myself again..we have to hang on to hope movin..it can only get better right? LNF, We would be like the girls in "Sex and the City" if we could all hang out together! I just haven't decided yet which of the girls I would be.... I am not yet in complete and permanent NC (but I probably will be soon ), but waiting for D Day is very stressful even when things still seem to be falling into place.... I do remember that last time I dumped MM back in January quite vividly. I put on this mask of "everything is wonderful" and that my post-MM life was so fantastic. I blocked out absolutely everything that had to do with him. I deleted mails and photos, except one. I told myself that I was completely over him. 4 days into NC I looked at the one photo that I had left and I felt absolutely nothing. I mean I felt absolutely NOTHING. Was I fooling myself???? Of course I was!!!! Eventually it all comes crashing in on top of you. I had days when I could not get up off the couch. I did not eat and I certainly did not sleep. Anyway, then I realised that I would go into a tail spin if I let this continue so I forced myself to start eating again - just healthy food - so that I would gain some energy back. Exercise. Emotional pampering. You name it. (I am taking up yoga soon too!) I have continued to do this ever since because it helps me deal with the stress which will continue for another little while. I suspect that I will do the same "everything is wonderful" routine if I am let down again, but I will try to resist it. If I have to I will see a doctor. I am not going to struggle on and suffer needlessly for months and months like I did years ago. We have to remind ourself constantly that life is NOT an endurance test but we're meant to enjoy it, and that we CAN and WILL be happy again!!!
Jessie61 Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Eyeswideshut, Thanks for your posts! I think we both have the same message, only you say it 100 times better!!!
Author movinon05 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 You girls are really awesome. I do feel very lucky that I found this board I feel like I have friends all around the world! It is a very big shame we can't all sit and have a chat because I think we would all make each other feel fabulous! I have such respect for all of you. Yesterday, my BF came over which I why I couldn't stay on. He fixed my gutters which had been worrying me for some time. And thank God he was outside because I saw your posts and starting crying and he wouldn't have known WTF was the matter with me! I've always dreaded the rain and used to lay in my bed and listen to the water pouring and dripping down outside my window and feel hopeless and cry and worry. So at least I don't have to do that anymore. And then he cut down all these hedges for me that were growing wild and out of control that would have taken me forever as I did not have the power saw thingie he has! (Boy do I sound like a typical dumb dumb!) lol. And then I took him to dinner. Knowing that that money should have been paying a bill. Okay, so yes I did get some things done and I guess I had some baby steps. I'm going to my sister's today to get started on the side business. I'm hoping I can come back from there with a new outlook again. I must do something. I had listened to one CD last week of a speaker, and she said "Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?" And "Where do you want to be 5 yrs from now?" And I realized that I am going to be in the same place 5 yrs from now, 10 yrs from now, 15, 20 if I don't at least take this opportunity and give it the time it needs to flourish. So I have a quiet optimism about that. I just need to keep my head in the game. I realize that no man is going to sweep me away and take care of all these problems. I think what bothers me the most is that I have to do this all by myself. And I get tired of having to take care of everything all by myself. But before I go there, I am going to get the book "Why Men Love Bitches" and see what it can tell me. EWS, you mentioned meditation. Unfortunately, when I have time alone to think, my mind can't stop thinking of all my problems. How do you keep them from creeping back in when you meditate? What do you think about and how do you keep the negative thoughts out? I don't want to go to a doctor. I don't want to give in to taking meds for this. I only did that once when my H was going to commit suicide. And then going through the D. I don't ever want to get back to that state of being out of control of my life. I am a terrible eater as well. I just recently bought yogurt and oatmeal to eat at work but I need to be more consistent. Okay, I preach baby steps and WA, thank you for reminding me. Baby steps. I guess I'm just so afraid of failing. You guys are irreplaceable. ((((hugs)))) to all of you.
lovernotafighter Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Hi there LNF! I LOVED the book. Was it you who recommended it? I realized I am SUCH a bitch. But the book Will he really leave her for me? is also extremely eye-opening. It makes you understand the underlying issues behind the relationship of the married couple, why they chose one another, and whether the problem lies in the couple or in each individual. Ex: my MM has childhood issues which maybe caused him to marry a certain type of woman, but if he doesn't resolve these issues, he can carry it on in his next relationship. I am so glad to know that my MM is going to couple therapy and his own grief therapy to mourn his brother and mother. he's really doing a lot of introspective work, so, I give him credit. the meditation and yoga did actually change my perspective on life. I always thought that if I only exercised and did creative work, I'd be fine. But it is only through meditation that you really develop your mind and nourish your soul. you really get in touch with your inner voice that way and are more able to fully realize your potential and develop your instincts. Ever have that feeling where you have no idea what your inner voice is saying and you are really confused? Well, try two weeks of meditating every day, and you will get this incredible epiphanies of what it is you truly want for yourself. This helped me grieve my 8 year relationship with my fiance. I loved him and couldn't understand why i couldn't stay with him or why I didn't want to marry him. but through meditation I realized i was doing the right thing. I told my MM to meditate and I am not pursuing the relationship at all, until he is able to tell me he has done his own introspection and realized for himself what he truly wants. In other words, I will not let myself fall in love with him completely (although i do love him) until he has dealt with his issues. His therapist told him I was very good for him. and that he should indeed meditate. let me know if you are willing to try this. keep me updated. WA recommended it,I just backed up her recommendation,I'm glad to hear you liked it..I was caught reading it at work and asked about it...my reply was "apparently I'm a little to bitchy" . I might have to check out the other book your reading..though I think I've resigned myself to to thinking women seem to leave and men rarely do. the meditation does sound like something I need to do..how to clear my head...that would be great..the thing I've found that helped me do that is meds so far... LNF, We would be like the girls in "Sex and the City" if we could all hang out together! I just haven't decided yet which of the girls I would be.... I am not yet in complete and permanent NC (but I probably will be soon ), but waiting for D Day is very stressful even when things still seem to be falling into place.... I do remember that last time I dumped MM back in January quite vividly. I put on this mask of "everything is wonderful" and that my post-MM life was so fantastic. I blocked out absolutely everything that had to do with him. I deleted mails and photos, except one. I told myself that I was completely over him. 4 days into NC I looked at the one photo that I had left and I felt absolutely nothing. I mean I felt absolutely NOTHING. Was I fooling myself???? Of course I was!!!! Eventually it all comes crashing in on top of you. I had days when I could not get up off the couch. I did not eat and I certainly did not sleep. Anyway, then I realised that I would go into a tail spin if I let this continue so I forced myself to start eating again - just healthy food - so that I would gain some energy back. Exercise. Emotional pampering. You name it. (I am taking up yoga soon too!) I have continued to do this ever since because it helps me deal with the stress which will continue for another little while. I suspect that I will do the same "everything is wonderful" routine if I am let down again, but I will try to resist it. If I have to I will see a doctor. I am not going to struggle on and suffer needlessly for months and months like I did years ago. We have to remind ourself constantly that life is NOT an endurance test but we're meant to enjoy it, and that we CAN and WILL be happy again!!! yes! we have to enjoy life..it's the only one we got we have to make the best of it we can
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 EWS, you mentioned meditation. Unfortunately, when I have time alone to think, my mind can't stop thinking of all my problems. How do you keep them from creeping back in when you meditate? What do you think about and how do you keep the negative thoughts out? I don't want to go to a doctor. I don't want to give in to taking meds for this. I only did that once when my H was going to commit suicide. And then going through the D. I don't ever want to get back to that state of being out of control of my life. movinon05, I think that you are an amazing woman; you are strong and you intelligent. You know that!! Now, don't let your depression get to you! That's why you need to take medication - if it is recommended by your doctor. It is a common misconception that medication will take the control out of you, that you become a zombie, etc.... It is not true. Actually, taking the medication is the best thing for someone who is sick... don't you agree? Mental health is a disease. I'll get back to this...
Walking away Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Movinon, So glad you are feeling better! You are too special to fall down and stay down! Believe me, I am sure ALL of us can say that we have fallen down...I know I have. Sometimes, life is overwhelming. But, and I am going to say this again, you are a FIGHTER. You are fighting your way through all the MUCK in your life, and your spirit shines through! Keep on keeping on! We are behind you 100%. Take care of YOU and the rest will fall into place. HUGE Hugs to you! WA
Author movinon05 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 Thanks again. I started reading a book my sister gave me called "The Gift". It is a guide to give you the 12 tools for personal growth, to be successful and put those tools to work to make it happen in all facets of your life. And it is already making sense to me. So now I am going to eat something, shower and head to my sisters. Its a gorgeous day and the long ride is going to be good for me because I will also be listening to another CD of supportive and successful stories. I am going to surround myself with successful thoughts and teach myself to believe in myself with this help as is the first tool taught. And when I get back I am going to read more. Baby steps. (I could get redundant!) lol!
Author movinon05 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 movinon05, I think that you are an amazing woman; you are strong and you intelligent. You know that!! Now, don't let your depression get to you! That's why you need to take medication - if it is recommended by your doctor. It is a common misconception that medication will take the control out of you, that you become a zombie, etc.... It is not true. Actually, taking the medication is the best thing for someone who is sick... don't you agree? Mental health is a disease. I'll get back to this... I have nothing against taking medications if it is needed. And I did when I needed it. I know it doesn't make you a zombie. But I am not at that point yet. With me, its like I have to be in control. That's just my personality. I have to control what I do and I don't want to give in without first trying to do this myself. I want to know that I can depend on me when things spiral out of control, even though its a lonely place. So I am trying to get control of my inner control. Does that make sense? Right now, this is the choice I am making. (And also the second tool taught in this book.) We all have choices, big ones and small ones, that we make every day. And this is my choice as to how I want to handle things. I'm going to consciously choose to believe in myself.
lovernotafighter Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 movin on..I don't remember my post being below yours this morning...I copied and pasted my text though...I'm sorry about not addressing your post,I totally didn't see it! *hugs X 1000* I like your thoughts of listening to motivational stories..very nice. glean what you can from everything positive you can..that's is the best news! I am going to see my brother to for his birthday and that should help me to get me away from home, he's a pretty positive fellow,I think he'll cheer me up baby steps...we can do it!!
eyeswideshut Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 i'm trying to practice what i preach so i have to close my computer it ten minutes now. I will go meditate for 30 minutes... Movinon... don't worry about the thoughts. It takes practice. They will come in all the time, when they do, just focus on the breath, for a few seconds, you will keep the breathing, then you'll get a thought, then just focus on the breath. if it helps, visualize the numbers 1, 2, 3, with each breath until 20 then go back down. it's okay if you force yourself to think in terms of numbers rather than just the breath. I think of 1 and I breath in 1 and 2 and etc... also, if you can listen to book tapes, the ones from Deepak Chopra, any book by Deepak Chopra ... it really helps. The spontaneuos fullfillment of something i forget the title but it speaks of the energy in the universe and what we put out and what we attract. it all makes sense. you will only attract confusion if in your mind you are confused. I have one of those salt lamps that clear the air with ionic energy. Computer waves are not so beneficial. so keep that computer off. keep the tv off. clear the air of your place, use aromatherapy. lavender works wonders. keep breathing. (listen to your breath, no need to force yourself to breathe deep, just pay attention to it, notice if it's short, long, deep, shallow, etc) and take baths with sea salts. it will re-energize you... ok. Have a great week every one!
zarathustra Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 I have nothing against taking medications if it is needed. And I did when I needed it. I know it doesn't make you a zombie. But I am not at that point yet. With me, its like I have to be in control. That's just my personality. I have to control what I do and I don't want to give in without first trying to do this myself. I want to know that I can depend on me when things spiral out of control, even though its a lonely place. So I am trying to get control of my inner control. Does that make sense? Right now, this is the choice I am making. (And also the second tool taught in this book.) We all have choices, big ones and small ones, that we make every day. And this is my choice as to how I want to handle things. I'm going to consciously choose to believe in myself. MO, I didn't get to come on the forum on the weekend and I'm sorry I was not there for you in your time of need. I hope you are feeling a bit more positive right now. Anyway, you are right, take baby steps. Don't expect too much of yourself, but most importantly, do the things that make YOU happy. I think that we all fall into the trap of wanting to do nice things for people that we forget about our own happiness. Don't fall into that trap. For me, if I feel depressed, so be it. If my house is a bit messy, big deal... I'll invite someone over for a nice dinner and force myself to clean up so I don't embarass myself. If I really don't feel like it, then I leave it be until the next weekend and have a dinner party then. I've just hired a service to come clean my house every other week. I love this forum. I love everyone that's here and the how everyone is so quick to get back to me when I have my own troubles. Whenever I'm sad, trouble and such, you have been there for me, talking me through my thoughts, making me laugh, giving me strength to move on. YOU are my inspiration to heal... my dear friend, you have so much to be proud of.
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