Vertex Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I keep hearing of this more and more and it's really upsetting me. I hear about all these beautiful, intelligent, wonderful girls staying with such crappy men who are either emotionally distant, just using them for sex, conducting the relationship at their own convenience, etc. And the weird thing is that women seem to stay with people like this LONGER than they do with guys that treat them better than this. I'm not necessarily speaking for myself because I would not say I'm "an ideal example" by FAR, but I see many great, loving guys just get hammered in the game of love over the most ludicrous of circumstances -- circumstances far more pale in comparison when considering how "abusive guys" treat their women. Why does it seem like girls just want to be treated like s***? Why the drama games? It seems like so few actually want a stable relationship. It isn't "exciting enough" if there isn't a stream of drama to keep people on their toes. It seems impossible to find someone who wants what I want: Someone to have as a best friend, to share the day with, to support, to sleep with every night, to go on dates with, to talk with, or to just have fun in general. Now it seems as if girls are more into guys that will ignore them or play this stupid chasing game or act like jerks in general. Why?
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 That's what being young and beautiful is all about. After a few years they burn out and give the stable guy a try. That's how it is for most girls. Not all, just most. I didn't know how to deal with this when I was 21... 10+ years later I couldn't care less. I'm comfortable in my own skin, and I don't need their drama, hot as they may be.
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 There's three possibilities... 1. Women make more drama than men. It's the way we're wired. We're more emotional. 2. Those happy women you describe...? They're also the bright vivacious women who have potential to be treated like dirt. Women don't start off like that... they get treated like that. Same way guys do. Basically, if a human being is getting their needs met... the relationship works. If they aren't, it doesn't work. 3. You're on a relationship messaging board system - all those nice bright happy women, got no need to be here. Same with RL too... your friends and family who are in relationships that are happy... they don't need your support for their failing relationship... because it ain't happening. So you don't hear it. Unfortunately, human beings only tend to share the bad stuff around to get through it... because we need to know we're not alone and we're normal. My 2p anyways
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Why does it seem like girls just want to be treated like s***? Why the drama games? I'll tell you why VERTEX....it's because women are attracted to masculine men. The more masculine the better. Masculine men tend not to be 'nice guy'....you know what I mean??? Masculinity equates to selfishness, putting yourself first, egotism, aggression, domination, etc..... Some may say these are negative qualities. Many women are attracted to them becuase they themselves may have the opposite qualities. Opposites attract. Just like a man loses his mind and stops to think objectively when a very feminine woman is around, the same happens to women when a masculine man is around. Do you understand this concept?
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I'll tell you why VERTEX....it's because women are attracted to masculine men. The more masculine the better. Masculine men tend not to be 'nice guy'....you know what I mean??? Masculinity equates to selfishness, putting yourself first, egotism, aggression, domination, etc..... Some may say these are negative qualities. Many women are attracted to them becuase they themselves may have the opposite qualities. Opposites attract. Just like a man loses his mind and stops to think objectively when a very feminine woman is around, the same happens to women when a masculine man is around. Do you understand this concept? Blimey Alpha... all us men and women should just stay well away from each other huh..? :lmao:
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Blimey Alpha... Blimey?! WTF all us men and women should just stay well away from each other huh..? :lmao: women...ya can't live with them and ya can't kill them.
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 It's funny... sometimes I'll meet women who are totallly into me because their first impression tells them I'm this silent, bad boy type. Only reason I'm silent is because I've nothing to say. As soon as they find out I've got my s*** together and am into other things (like reading and such), they shy away. It pays to lie sometimes, especially in Los Angeles. Too bad I'm so attached to ethics, but at least I can live in peace -- at the expense of a (supposedly) good lay with a drama queen. I don't need a stalker relationship. Sleep is too important.
Curmudgeon Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I don't know what kind of women you know but abuse of any kind would be a deal-breaker for my wife, and me as well. Anyone of any gender who puts up with abuse at the hands (or mouth) of another has some self-esteem problems or is co-dependent. They either think they're not worthy of better treatment or they HAVE to fix it.
Groovy Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Age does matter. Younger girls tend to go for looks, money and a lot of superficial crap. It doesn't matter what's inside the heart and soul. When you grow up you realize money and looks don't matter as much, you just want a loving guy who will treat you like gold. A lot of depends on the parents as well. My experience with all my girlfriends and all the social work I did in my earlier years was that when the mother tolerates abuse they also often tolerate it. People who have been physically abused by a parent seek abusive relationships sometimes too because it what they relate intimacy. I prefer submissive men who let me make my own choices. Over time when trust is there I let them gain more control. But I want one who go with the flow and go out of their way with special favors, who dote over me. Their the ones who end up in bed with me with special favors:) But I don't always see my girlfriends dating people like that and sometimes their with guys who wear the pants in the the relationship even if they are broke and lazy....which I don't get. It could also be a self esteem issue. They are with men who have a lot of baggage. Someone who needs some taking care of and is not better than them. It makes them feel important and secure in the dynamics of the relationship. To each their own, life is a mystery. Just keep in mind some girls have their head on their shoulder! Cheers.....
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Anyone of any gender who puts up with abuse at the hands (or mouth) of another has some self-esteem problems or is co-dependent. I would estimate that most people have some problems with self-esteem or co-dependence, to varying degrees. We're only human. Age does matter. Younger girls tend to go for looks, money and a lot of superficial crap. Looks and money are even more important for older people, regardless of sex.
Groovy Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I would estimate that most people have some problems with self-esteem or co-dependence, to varying degrees. We're only human. Looks and money are even more important for older people, regardless of sex. Yes but if your handsome and rich but a total a$$whipe somehow it doesn't cut the grade for me. I would rather date an average man with a middle class income and a big heart. But your right I wouldn't date an ugly old broke man because he is sweet. It's all a balance;)
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Yes but if your handsome and rich but a total a$$whipe somehow it doesn't cut the grade for me. Most women would love to be with a handsome and rich a**h***. Unfortunatley, most women also cannot get this type of guy. In a woman's mind, a man being handsome and rich negates the a**h*** part.
Groovy Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 O.K, I won't deny I am surprised when I meet a player whose an a**h*** and has no money or looks. Like wow, he thinks he can do that with what he has going on- because it does negate that for a lot of people. Who knows....maybe it's because my parents are wealthy and I don't need to put up with some guys crap for money, my finances are in order with a good job and inheritance. My family is so large I will probably never be too alone either. It does suck that some woman are too accepting of this kind of man. All I can say is if you want a totally awesome relationship and get into a girls pants that is stellar it won't be that kind of woman. Is a shag worth all the drama that she's seeking anyway?
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Who knows....maybe it's because my parents are wealthy and I don't need to put up with some guys crap for money, my finances are in order with a good job and inheritance. probably, you are one in a thousand then.... the majority of women are obsessed with money. it helps with raising kids, buyings shoes, paying bills, etc....
island1852 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Hi Vertex. I am one of those who put up with abusive men. It seems to happen over and over, again. In regards to my current situation (which you may have read about earlier this morning), I honestly have no other prospects. And in most cases when I am in one of these relationships, there is nobody else I could possibly date. I have a very hard time meeting men and I am not sure why. So, basically in this case, he is the closest thing that resembles a boyfriend. And since I rarely have boyfriends, I hold on to what I can get, even if its extremely unhealthy. I really do want a good man, but they are so hard to find. Probably because they all have girlfriends!!! I'll tell you why VERTEX....it's because women are attracted to masculine men. The more masculine the better. Masculine men tend not to be 'nice guy'....you know what I mean??? I believe there is some truth to this as well. Unfortunate but true. I do think that a man can be masculine and still be a "nice guy." However, I haven't ever seen it in real life.
Fun2BMe Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 It's funny... sometimes I'll meet women who are totallly into me because their first impression tells them I'm this silent, bad boy type. Only reason I'm silent is because I've nothing to say. As soon as they find out I've got my s*** together and am into other things (like reading and such), they shy away. It pays to lie sometimes, especially in Los Angeles. Too bad I'm so attached to ethics, but at least I can live in peace -- at the expense of a (supposedly) good lay with a drama queen. I don't need a stalker relationship. Sleep is too important.
Groovy Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Hi Vertex. I am one of those who put up with abusive men. It seems to happen over and over, again. In regards to my current situation (which you may have read about earlier this morning), I honestly have no other prospects. And in most cases when I am in one of these relationships, there is nobody else I could possibly date. I have a very hard time meeting men and I am not sure why. So, basically in this case, he is the closest thing that resembles a boyfriend. And since I rarely have boyfriends, I hold on to what I can get, even if its extremely unhealthy. I really do want a good man, but they are so hard to find. Probably because they all have girlfriends!!! I believe there is some truth to this as well. Unfortunate but true. I do think that a man can be masculine and still be a "nice guy." However, I haven't ever seen it in real life. There is some truth that by a certain age the good ones ar married. However I think if you had good self esteem you would be OK being alone with yourself. I know I would prefer that any day.
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 There is some truth that by a certain age the good ones ar married. Oh that is totally true GROOVY. I cannot find ANY decent women around 35 or so (i'm 41). Firstly, most women of that age are either married with kids or they are in a LTR. Of the few ones who are single, many are ugly or mental or gold-diggers or want a 2 month courtship, then marriage, and then to get pregnant right away...
MadDog Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Oh that is totally true GROOVY. I cannot find ANY decent women around 35 or so (i'm 41). Firstly, most women of that age are either married with kids or they are in a LTR. Of the few ones who are single, many are ugly or mental or gold-diggers or want a 2 month courtship, then marriage, and then to get pregnant right away... Why don't you just go for women that are somewhat younger? Maybe late 20's to early 30's?
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Blimey?! WTF women...ya can't live with them and ya can't kill them. "Blimey" my dear is a UKism for "ohmigosh" And yeah... killing women wouldn't be good cos then there'd be no rumpy pumpy either.
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Oh that is totally true GROOVY. I cannot find ANY decent women around 35 or so (i'm 41). Firstly, most women of that age are either married with kids or they are in a LTR. Of the few ones who are single, many are ugly or mental or gold-diggers or want a 2 month courtship, then marriage, and then to get pregnant right away... hmmphf. Too bad you're over the pond.
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Why don't you just go for women that are somewhat younger? Maybe late 20's to early 30's? actually I should have said women age range 30 to 40.
alphamale Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 "Blimey" my dear is a UKism for "ohmigosh" yes, I know CHINOOK... I was born in London.
Groovy Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I'm surprised I am agreeing with the men here:) I sometimes feel that women who accept disrespectful men fuel "societies cancer" of what relationships have become. They accept men who cheat, don't work, don't put in their share and talk trash to them or even raise a hand. If we would stop tolerating the behaviors maybe they would have a reason to change and there would be less of it. Some guys don't want a women who expects effort, courting and respect when it requires hard work. Why buy the cow when the milk is free......
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