radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I've been talking with some new female friends. There is one that I have been hanging out with for the last 6 weeks or so. I've been out on 4 dates with her. I met her from an online dating website. I was mostly looking to make new friends. Anyway on the first date we met at starbucks and had coffee & a donut or two. The 2nd date was a movie. The rest of the dates were going out to lunch or dinner. I have paid for all the dates. I just got back from tonight's date. I took her out to dinner. Afterwards I walked her to her car in the parking lot & we talked for awhile outside. She hugged me on our first date. At the end of every date we hug. She reached for my hand tonight and told me she wanted to talk to me about taking our friendship to the next level of romance & exclusivity. She is a very attractive woman and has a sweet personality. She feels the same about me and that we have alot in common as far as our political & religious views and hobbies, etc. I'm 25 & she's 32. Sometimes when we sit next to each other in public she gets flirty with me but I pull away a little. She's offering to take the friendship to the next level but I told her that I would need some time to think about it because it's just too soon. The truth of the matter is that I enjoy her company as a friend but I'm not interested in getting romantically invovled with her. How can I decline her offer without hurting her feelings? I'm just don't want to get involved with anyone romantically for a long while. She's probably going to think that I'm seeing someone else but I'm not. I want to decline her offer politely.
noclobber Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 If she is only a friend then why are you calling it as a date? I've been talking with some new female friends. There is one that I have been hanging out with for the last 6 weeks or so. I've been out on 4 dates with her. I met her from an online dating website. I was mostly looking to make new friends. Anyway on the first date we met at starbucks and had coffee & a donut or two. The 2nd date was a movie. The rest of the dates were going out to lunch or dinner. I have paid for all the dates. I just got back from tonight's date. I took her out to dinner. Afterwards I walked her to her car in the parking lot & we talked for awhile outside. She hugged me on our first date. At the end of every date we hug. She reached for my hand tonight and told me she wanted to talk to me about taking our friendship to the next level of romance & exclusivity. She is a very attractive woman and has a sweet personality. She feels the same about me and that we have alot in common as far as our political & religious views and hobbies, etc. I'm 25 & she's 32. Sometimes when we sit next to each other in public she gets flirty with me but I pull away a little. She's offering to take the friendship to the next level but I told her that I would need some time to think about it because it's just too soon. The truth of the matter is that I enjoy her company as a friend but I'm not interested in getting romantically invovled with her. How can I decline her offer without hurting her feelings? I'm just don't want to get involved with anyone romantically for a long while. She's probably going to think that I'm seeing someone else but I'm not. I want to decline her offer politely.
allina Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Well, she is romantically interested and you are not, so there will be some hurt of feelings. I think that you may have given her the wrong idea by always paying for dates, this suggests a romantic relationship. She's going to get her feelings hurt and she'll feel rejected so just try to be as polite as possible and don't keep her waiting too long. You'll pretty much have to tell her that although she's a great woman, you only view her as a friend.
Author radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 Well, she is romantically interested and you are not, so there will be some hurt of feelings. I think that you may have given her the wrong idea by always paying for dates, this suggests a romantic relationship. She's going to get her feelings hurt and she'll feel rejected so just try to be as polite as possible and don't keep her waiting too long. You'll pretty much have to tell her that although she's a great woman, you only view her as a friend. I pay for dates because it makes me feel good to treat somebody. I usually feel better about giving than receiveing.
allina Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I pay for dates because it makes me feel good to treat somebody. I usually feel better about giving than receiveing. I'm not saying that you were wrong to pay for the dates, but do you see how this suggests that the relationship is at least heading in a romantic direction.
Touche Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I pay for dates because it makes me feel good to treat somebody. I usually feel better about giving than receiveing. It might be sending her the wrong message though. It sounds like you just want to be friends. Friends don't "date." If I were you, I'd just be very up front with her. Tell her, you're looking to make friendly connections in your life now and that you're just not looking for romance.
Curmudgeon Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I'd go a little further and tell her that you value her as a friend and would like her to remain one, definitely enjoy her company but you're just not ready for a romantic involvement with anyone at this stage in your life. If that makes her pull away and stop seeing you then it's likely she's hungry for a romance and that's been her prime goal all along. If so, a friendship won't be compatible with her needs and that's fine too. She will be free to look elsewhere and you'll be free from entanglement. No harm and no foul for either of you.
Author radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 I'd go a little further and tell her that you value her as a friend and would like her to remain one, definitely enjoy her company but you're just not ready for a romantic involvement with anyone at this stage in your life. If that makes her pull away and stop seeing you then it's likely she's hungry for a romance and that's been her prime goal all along. If so, a friendship won't be compatible with her needs and that's fine too. She will be free to look elsewhere and you'll be free from entanglement. No harm and no foul for either of you. That's what I was just thinking. That's a good idea. I'll tell her that tomorrow. We'll see if she still wants to be friends. That may or may not happen.
SuperMonk Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I read your other idiotic post about how to communicate with women, and now I read yet another idiotic post by the same guy. Are you KIDDING ME? You went on an online dating website and went on dates saynig you are LOOKING FOR FRIENDS? She's 32 and you're 25. Gimme a break, women at that age are not that stupid when they know a guy is not interested nor is a woman stupid enough to keep allowing the man to have romantic overtures with her. Dude you sound like a robot.
Author radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 I read your other idiotic post about how to communicate with women, and now I read yet another idiotic post by the same guy. Are you KIDDING ME? You went on an online dating website and went on dates saynig you are LOOKING FOR FRIENDS? She's 32 and you're 25. Gimme a break, women at that age are not that stupid when they know a guy is not interested nor is a woman stupid enough to keep allowing the man to have romantic overtures with her. Dude you sound like a robot. Yes I was looking for friends. I made it clear in my profile that I was looking to make new friends. I didn't say anything about looking for a long-term romantic relationship. Most dating websites let you write out a description in your profile of what you are looking for. You can write up to 200 characters.
dgiirl Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Whatever you do, dont say "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", because if in a month or two you DO find someone you would be ready to have a relationship with, the person is going to be crushed. Just be honest. Tell her you really enjoyed spending time with her, and would love to keep her as a friend, but you dont really feel any chemistry happening. You're going to hurt her feelings regardless, so the sooner you do it, the better it'll be for everyone. Just be honest tho!
Author radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 Whatever you do, dont say "I'm not ready for a relationship right now", because if in a month or two you DO find someone you would be ready to have a relationship with, the person is going to be crushed. Just be honest. Tell her you really enjoyed spending time with her, and would love to keep her as a friend, but you dont really feel any chemistry happening. You're going to hurt her feelings regardless, so the sooner you do it, the better it'll be for everyone. Just be honest tho! I've already told her. I called her at noon today. I told her something along the lines of what crum suggested. She did sound a little disappoitned in her voice. I don't see how she would be crushed if I found someone else in a few months. It's not like I'm expecting her to wait around for me to get ready & she knows that. I told her that I don't know when I'll be ready but that I do enjoy her company as a friend.
westernxer Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Do you really want to be her friend or do you just want to bang her? Nothing wrong with the latter, but don't use friendship to hide your true intentions. If nothing happens after a couple of dates, it's time to think about where things are heading, before the hurting commences. No guy wants to "just be friends," unless it's friends with benefits. I backed out of several relationships because things were heading toward the situation you're in right now. Bottom line, I didn't want to waste time (and money) on someone I wasn't into, since they weren't into casual sex.
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