StoneyHeart Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Anyone been excluded from death/illness of a MM? How do you get over it?
scarletletter Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 No, thank God. I cannot imagine how devastating that would be.
Author StoneyHeart Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 been 4 years since diagnosis- 2 years since death- i can't move past it- like a widow without a place to grieve. tried replacing him but i loved him way way too much. he thinks (i'm still in denial- guess that should be thought) disease was God's punishment. in my better moments i think it was a gift in some ways b/c I couldn't stop on my own- but here again- years later still not over it and compare everyone to him. still work where we were together and others miss him but don't understand why i would miss him so much so i must smile and pretend i'm not still dying inside.
Walking away Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Oh God. I am so sorry. There are no words to convey how sad I am for you. My prayers and thoughts are with you. Big hugs to you. WA
stillhere Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 No, and i hope it never will. I always run the negatives through my head. What if he was in a car accident, i would not get that call unless it was from him. I can tell you i'd be the first he'd call, but if he couldn't make that call, i'd find out with everyone else. It sucks. I'm not sure i could deal with that pain. I feel for you, i really do.
Author StoneyHeart Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 yes, got voicemail day after diagnosis saying "i'll call you, don't leave messages or email". just like that. found out on a conf. call with 3 other people following monday. awful. thought floor was falling out below me. One day, looking for an apartment- he was going to leave. Next second, he's dying and "he wouldn't dream of saddling me with taking care of him" (read- he didn't want to ruin his legacy). Anger, sadness, everything. But I missed those final days. I still go to grave all the time. She never goes or brings his kids and gave him awful funeral. After many years together, he was gone and i didn't get to see him at all final few months. I have looked for books, been to counseling, nothing really helps, i still love him. maybe this will help me and you guys who can get some closure in life not with death.
stillhere Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 My heart goes out to you. I wouldn't wish that feeling on my worst enemy. To have so much invested in someone and not have that closure, i can't even imagine what you are going through. I'm sorry i'm unable to be of any help.
lovernotafighter Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I did mention this very thing to my MM,that I couldn't take it..and he said a bunch of stupid stuff..apparently this doesn't have the same effect on him as it does me:mad:
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