LazyLibra Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I was dating this great girl for a few months! She was perfect, i finally found the girl of my dreams! Anyways, Her and i happened to stumble upon a porno in a video store and decided it would be fun to watch it. So we watched it and well i saw something on there that i wanted to try. I asked my girlfriend if she would try it and she declined. I acted like it was a joke in me asking and laughed it off. (It was anal). I didn't blame her but i was very curious because i had not tried it before.I'm not a kinky dirty guy but for some reason i wanted to just have one night of wild dirty sex with my girlfriend who is a sweet petite southern girl. So i had a hidden obsession with porno that highlighted anal sex. I was going to a adult store almost every day, to buy DVDS. Then one day i walked in and there was this really good looking girl behind the counter. I brought up a few dvds and she asked if i was into anal. I said i haven't tried it but yes. She said she never tried it either but was always curious. After some small chat, i left. I went back two days later and she was working again. We starting talking more and she said that we should get coffee and talk more. So we had a lovely night, Went for coffee and dinner. She wanted me to go to her place to check out her new puppy(I just got a doberman puppy) and she had a 7 month old doberman. Got into her house, showed me around and playfully showed me some of her outfits and toys. She was my dirty little secret, Sadly we ended making out and one thing lead to another and my fantasy was fullfilled. I got him to my girlfriend and suddenly i realized what i did. I told her i made a mistake. I didn't even get to tell the whole story and she cried like i've never seen anyone cry before. It actually, broke my heart. So two days later, i haven't been to work, haven't ate and haven't heard from bree. I committed suicide
whichwayisup Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 You messed up, and you owned up to your bad mistake. I'm sorry that it broke your heart and that you're having a hard time dealing with this. I suggest you go see someone professional to talk to, because - NO matter what you did, it's not worth killing yourself over. Your girlfriend may forgive you and give you a second chance. I hope you don't do anything that you can't undo...If you know what I mean. If you're feeling suicidal and need help, please call 911 or go to your nearest hospital, emergency.
Touche Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Witch, I think he meant he committed RELATIONSHIP suicide.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Oh man! You really messed up this time! Apologize, apologize, apologize. Then, be there for ALL her emotional ups and down. Do not argue with her, only listen and give your FULL support. If she forgives you, you will still have to bear her bursts of anger from time to time. You know that you lost her trust, right? If you love her, you will have to do everything you can to gain that trust back. It can happen... but it will take alot of work.
catgirl1927 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 KHLF, I have to respectfully disagree. I think he should let her go. She was a sweet girl, and he threw her away for a chance to TRY something new with a stranger. Now, if his feelings for her are really real, would he have done that? I'm just not sure he would have. I'm not going to rant and rave, I just think he should think seriously about if he would really do that to someone he truly cared about. Maybe it's not her but the idea of her, and that's why it was so easy to toss aside. It was indeed relationship suicide. It was selfish, and he didn't think about what it would do to her until it was already done. He feels bad for having hurt her. But can he ever really respect her if she took him back? Everyone is different, but I'm skeptical. And, if she does take him back and he did end up having some respect for her, could he live with the guilt of having betrayed her? Wouldn't he eventually become so exhausted from it he'd lash out? I mean, we can only take so much guilt before it just completely wears us out. I simply cannot imagine getting trust back after having that done to me, or expecting anyone to trust me ever again if I'd done that to them. I think this might need to be a learning experience.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Catgirl, It is not up to HIM to decide to leave the relationship anymore. Sorry, but the cards are in her hands now. IF he still wants her, he will have to suck it up in every way possible. (The poster is asking for advice, and you are not giving him any. JMO).
catgirl1927 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Catgirl, It is not up to HIM to decide to leave the relationship anymore. Sorry, but the cards are in her hands now. IF he still wants her, he will have to suck it up in every way possible. (The poster is asking for advice, and you are not giving him any. JMO). Sorry. I should know better than to disagree. I was giving him advice, though. My advice was to think about whether or not he really cared about her if he could do something like that, AND if he would really want to stay in a relationship where he was so racked with guilt. Really, that's an important thing for him to think about. He WILL have to suck it up, is it really worth it? It might be easier on both of them just to let it go.
catgirl1927 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I understand what you're saying about it being her decision, though, it is. But I'm saying that maybe the decision has already been made, know what I mean? He's tearing himself apart over this, and all that misery for both of them might just be wasted time. Time better spent healing. I also am of the opinion that cheating is completely and utterly unforgivable. I was sort of assuming that he was begging her to stay, but he never says that.
reservoirdog1 Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 I'm sorry, but if you're going to cheat on the "girl of your dreams" of a FEW MONTHS just because she won't take it in the ass, then she's not the girl of your dreams. You should let her go so she can find somebody who WON'T cheat on her.
Sal Paradise Posted May 7, 2006 Posted May 7, 2006 Catgirls advice was spot on, some may not like her advice but its the right advice and here's why he should let her go.... If he can't keep it in his pants in the first few months than what hope does the relationship have in the long term? He cheated because he wanted anal. How is he gonna handle a long term relationship? How will he handle all the ups and downs that goes with that? First time he feels a little lonely or unappreciated (which happens in any long term relationship) he will go probing for the first butt (sorry couldn't resist ) he can find. What he did wasn't a "mistake". He was consumed with the desire to give in to this fantasy, so he jumped the first attractive person who would fulfill that desire. It didn't happen by chance. Cheating never happens by chance. At any time he could of stopped this. He knew what he was doing the second he decided to see this girl outside of her work place. Actually you could make the argument that the mere fact that he was discussing this with this woman was a way to "feel" her out and see if there might be a mutual attraction. 1) He was selfish. 2) He refused to accept the situation for what it was. 3) He made a decision to throw her away for this activity. 4) He is now paying the price. I don't see why this girl should even consider taking him back. If she has any intelligence she will run for the hills. Any person who can't remain faithful in the first few months of the relationship because she won't give him anal isn't worth it. He will most likely cheat again if she takes him back. He would of essentially gotten away with it. He may not like to hear the truth but the truth is what he needs to hear. Maybe this ordeal will teach him not to take someone's heart and devotion for granted.
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