Big_A Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I have been writing either a journal to myself or letter to my ex (which I'm not sending) for the last week or so. I usually write them, read them the next day and delete them. When I write down how I'm feeling I am able to find the part of this that hurt the most for me. It may seem obvious, but the only time that I break down while doing this is when I write ...you love someone else... to her. Everything else I am coping with pretty well (like loneliness and feelings of inadequacy) or but the thought of her looking at someone else the way she looked at me... ...hurts bad. She going to be here tonight, I’m sure to tell me when she’ll move her stuff out. Then I can start NC and start really healing. On the plus side I got a phone number today, so maybe I’m not as ugly as I feel.
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I have been writing either a journal to myself or letter to my ex (which I'm not sending) for the last week or so. I usually write them, read them the next day and delete them. When I write down how I'm feeling I am able to find the part of this that hurt the most for me. It may seem obvious, but the only time that I break down while doing this is when I write ...you love someone else... to her. Everything else I am coping with pretty well (like loneliness and feelings of inadequacy) or but the thought of her looking at someone else the way she looked at me... ...hurts bad. She going to be here tonight, I’m sure to tell me when she’ll move her stuff out. Then I can start NC and start really healing. On the plus side I got a phone number today, so maybe I’m not as ugly as I feel. I dunno about that writing thing. I do it occasionally... but sometimes, writing and revisiting, isn't always that constructive in that it keeps you in pain. Be careful of that. Although you feel sad... I saw this as a positive post you know. It is balanced in two ways for you. Yes, you lost your girlfriend. But you didn't really lose her. She lost you. When you know where you're going in life, you aren't lost. When you know what you want in life and you know who you are, you know what you need to achieve happiness. Right now, you should take comfort from the fact that it wasn't anything that you did which changed how she felt for you. It was simply that she changed how she felt. It's not a competition for affection. She simply changed how she felt. That allowed her to feel something for someone else. It had nothing to do with what you did or didn't do. I can guarantee that. The problem is, people are so mixed up in the head that they can't take responsibility for their actions and inactions. She left you behind because she wanted to... not because of your inadequacy. You are just perfect the way you are. You want proof...? You have a new phone number. If you look too long at the closed door, you will not see the new one opening. Be good to yourself. See the truth of the situation. In a relationship... there is a 100% responsibility. You have 50% and she has 50%. You maintain your half. She maintains hers. If she says 'it's because you did this' or 'you did that'... she's LYING to you. It is not because you did anything - because if it were... it could be put right. It's simply because she can't be truthful with you and herself to admit that she changed how she felt. You have to accept the truth to go forward without pain. You didn't DO anything wrong. In fact, if I recall you thought everything was okay. You're not an idiot. You're not stoopid. You're a human being who loved, trusted and respected another human being. The fact is, she did not love, trust and respect you in return. Why should you beat yourself up for her inadequacy..? Why should you beat yourself up because she was unable to say 'no'..? Why should you let her negativeness and toxic influence poison your future..? I know you're hurting right now. But eventually it will stop. NC will help and maybe at some point you will be ready to date other people. Right now, I'm in a place where I respect and honour myself so much so that I'm not ready to compromise that for dating anyone. Maybe I will one day. Maybe I won't. It certainly is not because I don't think I am worth it. Some day, some guy is going to walk into my life and I will be completely blown away - and so will he. You know... that day....? I'm gonna thank my ex for dumping me! Cos I'd have only had half a chance at happiness (my half) up to that point!! You see what I'm saying...? Think about the positive things that you can take from this break-up. Yes, you've been ripped out of a life and a reality that you wanted, that you cherished... and that deserves a period of mourning. But don't let it wreck the rest of your life. Do me a favour and think about your relationship and your ex... (not the person.. the persona) in the positive. Think about the future and the aspects of life with her that you WANT to carry forward into your future. Think about all the POSITIVE things which can help to shape a bright future for a happy person. There is no need to take all the mistrust, baggage and crap with you. If you do... your next relationship will fail. Do you want her to have that from you as well as everything she has already taken..? Life can only be lived forwards my friend... even if it only makes sense looking back
Author Big_A Posted May 6, 2006 Author Posted May 6, 2006 Chinook, Thank you so much for your response, that was very sweet. It is easy sometimes to dwell too much on what has happened and not what should happen in the future. The reality is that I'm doing better then I expected to at 4 weeks. While I havn't been able to get NC started yet, becasue she hasn't moved out, contact has been very limited. Thanks again.
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Chinook, Thank you so much for your response, that was very sweet. It is easy sometimes to dwell too much on what has happened and not what should happen in the future. The reality is that I'm doing better then I expected to at 4 weeks. While I havn't been able to get NC started yet, becasue she hasn't moved out, contact has been very limited. Thanks again. I'm glad you're doing better. You deserve to. I think you'll be just fine
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