boon_beam8 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 If a man has to look after his young children full time for whatever reason and is divorced or separated from his former wife, how does that affect his prospects of meeting a woman who will be willing to go out with him. He would have the drawbacks of : >having to get a baby sitter before going out. >having little privacy at home. >putting his career on hold or into abeyance while looking after his kids. Single/supporting mothers seem to be accepted by the dating world, but not so the fathers. I speak from my own experience as a 44 year old father of 3. What do people think?
catgirl1927 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 In what world are people not supportive of single fathers?
Alexandra Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 In what world are people not supportive of single fathers? In fact Catgirl1972, in the past week only I can point you to at least 5 posts of the "Ugh men with children from previous relationships, yuck, not a good idea" variety. To the OP... I can tell why you'd be aprehensive and concerned but it does depend on the sort of woman you are looking to encounter. Your situation will probably limit you from the happy-go-lucky college girls but were they the target to begin with? As well as from women of an older age but who have their committment alarms go off when they look at your situation. I imagine those were not your target either. From years of helping people find a partner I can tell you that strangely enough it was the men who had children from previous marriages that they took care of, that found their lady faster. An empiric statistics of course, but still a fact. Think of it as an advantage not a handicap, it will eliminate the women you wouldn't have lasted with anyhow, from the competition.
catgirl1927 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 In fact Catgirl1972, in the past week only I can point you to at least 5 posts of the "Ugh men with children from previous relationships, yuck, not a good idea" variety. But don't some men feel the same way about women with kids? I mean, I would think it would go both ways. I think that while some people might not want to get involved with someone who already has children, I'm not sure that it's a gender based bias. I would also hope that most adult women would see the value in a man who loves his kids. My gosh. There are SO many bad parents out there, it just breaks my heart that people wouldn't recognize and appreciate people who love their children!!!
SmoochieFace Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 It seems that more women have an issue with guys who have kids than vice-versa. Just based on experience.
Woggle Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Some people men and women look at kids as baggage but then again many women will look at man being a real father and taking care of his kids as a good thing. It depends. Plus if a man has custody that usually means the mother is not too good so a woman might be wondering what type of nut ex he has.
tinktronik Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Some people men and women look at kids as baggage but then again many women will look at man being a real father and taking care of his kids as a good thing. It depends. Plus if a man has custody that usually means the mother is not too good so a woman might be wondering what type of nut ex he has. This isn't nessicerily true anymore .It used to be that the woman was always given custody unless something was terrifyingly wrong. Now courts go based on would be less likely to need child support so the state dosn't have to supplament it and who would be more likely to reasonably obey custody arrangements.
Alexandra Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 But don't some men feel the same way about women with kids? I mean, I would think it would go both ways. I think that while some people might not want to get involved with someone who already has children, I'm not sure that it's a gender based bias. True, it does go both ways. Plus if a man has custody that usually means the mother is not too good so a woman might be wondering what type of nut ex he has. Oh wow, if we'd all be held accountable for the ex-s in our lives we'd be in huge trouble.
Woggle Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 . Oh wow, if we'd all be held accountable for the ex-s in our lives we'd be in huge trouble. I know this all too well. My fiance is a saint for sticking around with what I am dealing woth right now.
littlekitty Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I'm a 30 year old woman who met and is planning on marrying a 30 year old man who has a child from his previous relationship. Although he doesn't have full custody, only weekly contact. To take on the role that this requires needs a strong, self assured woman who is willing put time and effort into the relationship and understand everything it will bring to the table. But the rewards can be fantastic....
luvtoto Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Now courts go based on would be less likely to need child support so the state dosn't have to supplament it and who would be more likely to reasonably obey custody arrangements. Oh my gosh...that makes perfect sense. I never thought about it that way before. Very interesting, Tink.
Author boon_beam8 Posted May 10, 2006 Author Posted May 10, 2006 In what world are people not supportive of single fathers? Could be the one where women make decisions about who and who not to date!
catgirl1927 Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Could be the one where women make decisions about who and who not to date! Maybe you should re-evaluate the kind of women you are chosing to pursue.
Delectable Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 Maybe you should re-evaluate the kind of women you are chosing to pursue. Well put catgirl! It is more common and accepted...not more acceptable for women to be a single parent in the dating world. What type of women are you interested in...? The type to club, bar hop, and lead a frivolous lifestyle or women that you want to build relationships with. I would think any woman who is seriously looking to build a future with a man would view the committment of full time parenting as very respectable and endearing. Now if they aren't interested in co-parenting or ready to be in a family environment THAT might be an issue. But would you be looking for that type of woman anyway?
tallbrunettmom Posted May 10, 2006 Posted May 10, 2006 I hear your pain. When I was 25 I had gotten divorced and was back in the dating world. As a young mother it sucked. Luckily though I like older men because the "boys" my age ran away screaming. Anyway, I didn't like the idea of dating any men with kids...I know selfish, huh? But I as a person I was still kinda immature. It's only been recently I see the value in dating men with kids. People without kids do not understand what it's like unless you are an exceptional person...and believe me there aren't many of those. You should seek women with children or who are older and realize that life isn't bars and parties. There are planty of single moms out there looking for a dad who has actually taken the resposibility of looking after his kids fulltime...its a rarity! The point of my story...I would definately find a mom...I remarried someone that is older with no kids and he is clueless of the responsibility! Good luck and all the best.
alwayslearn Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 Maybe you should re-evaluate the kind of women you are chosing to pursue. I think Catgirl made a very astute statement involving the types of women being pursued and/or dated. One cannot change their past only deal with today and subsquently tomorrow. So, if someone cannot deal with your circumstances then as "the tried and true" saying goes "there are more fish in the sea." Forgive me for being trite simply letting you know that the situation can have a bright ending simply by meeting the "right" person. Think positive and don't dwell on the things that you cannot change or alter. Good Luck to you.
Guest Posted May 11, 2006 Posted May 11, 2006 If a man has to look after his young children full time for whatever reason and is divorced or separated from his former wife, how does that affect his prospects of meeting a woman who will be willing to go out with him. He would have the drawbacks of : >having to get a baby sitter before going out. >having little privacy at home. >putting his career on hold or into abeyance while looking after his kids. Single/supporting mothers seem to be accepted by the dating world, but not so the fathers. I speak from my own experience as a 44 year old father of 3. What do people think? i think you are just now realizing what it is like to get back out there after being with one person for so long and it is hard but if they really like you they'll understand the difficulty
MadDog Posted May 12, 2006 Posted May 12, 2006 What type of women are you interested in...? The type to club, bar hop, and lead a frivolous lifestyle or women that you want to build relationships with. I would think any woman who is seriously looking to build a future with a man would view the committment of full time parenting as very respectable and endearing. Now if they aren't interested in co-parenting or ready to be in a family environment THAT might be an issue. But would you be looking for that type of woman anyway? I don't really agree with this. Just because a woman doesn't want to date a man with kids doesn't mean she lives a frivolous lifestyle or she isn't looking for a serious relationship. It just means she doesn't want to date a man who already has children and she has a right to that preference. To be realistic, I'm sure that having children limits the OP's the women that will date him. There's nothing he can do about it though so it's best if he doesn't worry about it and concentrate on the women who are willing to give him a chance. If he's dating women that are similiar to him in age, I'm sure most of them will be similiar to him with a previous marriage and kids. I don't see what the problem is unless he was planning on going for those hot, young 22 year olds at the club or something.
expos Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 it's best if he doesn't worry about it and concentrate on the women who are willing to give him a chance. If he's dating women that are similiar to him in age, I'm sure most of them will be similiar to him with a previous marriage and kids. I don't see what the problem is unless he was planning on going for those hot, young 22 year olds at the club or something. Ha. If it wasn't so easy to worry! What some of you might not realize is that single fathers lack a lot of confidence...especially when it comes to walking up out of nowhere, flirting with a girl, and asking for a number. As a 27 year old single father who was never married...I can totally relate to this. We have these fantasy dreams of finding someone new and going on a date...which quickly turns into a nightmare when we tell them that we are the parent of a 4 year old child. We carry a lot of baggage (to them) and they just don't want to be involved with us. Some of them believe that they become a mother to a child after the first date. Not true, but it's hard for them to see past that. I see myself as a guy who might be the total package for some woman...but I don't have the confidence to pursue a relationship...I probably don't have the time either. I'm traveling 650 miles round trip to see my beautiful son once a month and I'm working nearly 60 hours per week. There are some days when I just want nothing to do anybody. I guess the point I'm trying to get to is that we don't have alot of faith in ourselves...and it's hard to generate faith when a potential new girlfriend lacks faith in you from the very start. Being a single father/mother is a tough deal.
ashnicole Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 I almost want to say that people are more supportive of the single fathers than of the single mothers, simply because it's rare that you see a man taking care of his child(ren) by himself. I have very few guy friends that take care of their children by themselves... hell, I can't even get my son's father to take him one weekend of the month - it's like pulling teeth.
Stunner Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 My ideal man would have a child/children. He would be able to understand the difficulties of what I have been through and what I've accomplished and I could do the same. I feel it would be a better partnership since the common ground in that regard is so strong. I'm a little different I think!
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