Mary3 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 It is very dangerous to make your woman numero uno. Now i'm not talking about marriage. I'm talking about in the dating department. If I was married then my wife would come first. If she's just my gf then she will not be first. Go to a bookstore and check out those self help books & go to some of those self help seminars. It tells you the same things I'm saying. Men need to take care of themselves first before they take care of her needs. Do you think a woman is going to make me number 1? Absolutely not! So why should I make her numero uno if she's not willing to reciprocate me as her top priority. It's fine if both partners are doing it. A balanced man will put his parents & career before his girlfriend. Again marriage is a different ballgame. The wife should then come first. One of the mistakes I made in my last relationship was putting my girlfriend first. Why? She didn't put me first. She put her family first (her parents). And she did the right thing. I respect her now for putting her family before me. I have recently started putting my family first as well and any woman who comes along will understand that my parents come first unless we are married. I've also put in more hours at my job to make more money. When the next woman comes along I will have alot more tools to put into practice than I did in the last relationship. In an equally balanced relationship all things are * balanced * . That includes time spent and attention, affection , and feelings. If one is not reciprocating and the other is left feeling their needs are not being met then you have no * balance *. Therefore , it is unfair . You either both give 100% or you step back and realize why you are doing all the giving , giving , giving and the other person has become the * taker * Whether she is your girlfriend or your wife , if you have chosen to be in a good strong relationship then her and your needs should be high priority. If she has children or you do , then of course they come first . But you need to expect the best possible treatment from her and she in turn should give the best back . If you place her in 4th position of importance and everyone else in 1st position then she is going to get 4th place treatment and if that included deciding you won't see her as often or give her the attention she deserves , then how can you expect a quality 100% relationship ? She can be right up there with your mom and dad , your family and friends. Why should she be put in a lower level when she should be the most important part of your whole balance of life ?
MadDog Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 It is very dangerous to make your woman numero uno. Now i'm not talking about marriage. I'm talking about in the dating department. If I was married then my wife would come first. If she's just my gf then she will not be first. Go to a bookstore and check out those self help books & go to some of those self help seminars. It tells you the same things I'm saying. You speak like you're the second coming of Jesus when it comes to relationships but just what exactly are your qualifications? Are you even in a relationship now?
MadDog Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Ok guys so I met him last night! He is soooooooooooooo nice!!!!!!! We got on so well and I was sitting wondering how he kisses because kissing is REALLY important to me, then he kissed me and I was like WOW! He is coming out with me tonight with my friends .... He is such a funny nice guys AND he likes cuddling and holding hands! ::Sigh:: Kissing on the first date, eh Lishy? What a slut.
Yamaha Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Ok guys so I met him last night! He is soooooooooooooo nice!!!!!!! We got on so well and I was sitting wondering how he kisses because kissing is REALLY important to me, then he kissed me and I was like WOW! He is coming out with me tonight with my friends .... He is such a funny nice guys AND he likes cuddling and holding hands! ::Sigh:: It will be interesting to see how this plays out, Lishy. I tend to agree with Alpha in that when a nice guy is straight up with a women and shows his interest she starts to see him more as a friend than as a lover. She might even love him but that in-love feeling is missing. Women put so much stock in the romance that a nice guy just doesn't measure up in the sexuality department. They just loose their desire to take him home and rip off his clothes. He then gets the friends speech and this is why men play games.
Alexandra Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Women put so much stock in the romance that a nice guy just doesn't measure up in the sexuality department. That sentence makes no sense to me. If it does to others who have been reading your style for longer I'd be happy to be enlightened, though. What does "romance" have to do with "sexuality" in the way you've placed them in context? Rather how is sexuality not contained in the idea of romance that apparently women put so much "stock in". Did you mean being romantic makes a man less desirable sexually? Because if that's what you're saying I think we can safely ask even the most vehement of "man-haters" to speak up and they'll dismantle that one. If not, what DID you mean?
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 You speak like you're the second coming of Jesus when it comes to relationships but just what exactly are your qualifications? Are you even in a relationship now? I'm not in a relationship right now but only by choice. I'm about to write a book about the psychological warfare in the dating department.
Alexandra Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I'm not in a relationship right now but only by choice. I'm about to write a book about the psychological warfare in the dating department. Oh to hell with Political Correctness, you're a trained Psychiatrist, have a PhD in Psychology or maybe Sociology?
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Oh to hell with Political Correctness, you're a trained Psychiatrist, have a PhD in Psychology or maybe Sociology? No I'm not a therapist by any stretch of the imagination. I don't have a degree in any of those areas you mentioned.
Alexandra Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 No I'm not a therapist by any stretch of the imagination. I don't have a degree in any of those areas you mentioned. Right, thought so. Well then in my opinion that's JUST the book the world needs.
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Right, thought so. Well then in my opinion that's JUST the book the world needs. The books written by those psychiatrists, sociologists, etc are no more bible than a book written by some ordinary stranger on the internet.
Touche Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 The whole thing is utter nonsense! How can you even expect to GET a wife if you don't put your g/f first? Unfortunately, you picked the wrong girl last time. She SHOULD have put you first. If my husband hadn't made me feel like the most important thing in his life (other than his child) when we were dating, I would have had to break it off. You're not going to suddenly change AFTER you're married and say, "Oh, you're my wife now. I think I'll move you up on my list of priorities." Sorry, doesn't work that way. Dating is to "try before you buy." No one is going to "buy" you OR your book with that crazy theory of yours...don't give up that day job, but good luck with that! Hope it works for ya!
Alexandra Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 The books written by those psychiatrists, sociologists, etc are no more bible than a book written by some ordinary stranger on the internet. I didn't say they were. However even you must be admitting to yourself that something written by a professional who's dealt with hundreds of cases after having had the schooling to help him/her understand them, must be having a tad more merit to it, right? Wrong, or you wouldn't write it. Besides you said it will be "about the psychological warfare in the dating department" and unless you meant to say "A layman's personal guide to dating" or "My personal ideas about what the warfare of the dating scene is" again I insist, it's JUST what the world needs. Mind you, I am completely clear on what utter rubbish some of the already existent ones are, and yet I can't in good consciousness say "Sure, you go ahead write one more absurd rules collection so that some poor suckers pay a buck for hope." I read part of your posts on other threads, they have to do with your perspective of the game (e.g. number of times the phone needs to ring before picking up) and in light of that I have a two fold problem with the new book release. A. There is no such thing as Rules for relationships to fit everyone and the fact that anyone feels like adding their version of those existing is further proof of that. The consequences of thinking otherwise can many times be destructive. And B. I have no problem with "How I view dating" sort of books but am pretty sure many of those who end up producing the next "THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!" self help book start out by wanting to write the first and ultimately decide there's more money and fame in the latter.
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 The whole thing is utter nonsense! How can you even expect to GET a wife if you don't put your g/f first? Unfortunately, you picked the wrong girl last time. She SHOULD have put you first. If my husband hadn't made me feel like the most important thing in his life (other than his child) when we were dating, I would have had to break it off. You're not going to suddenly change AFTER you're married and say, "Oh, you're my wife now. I think I'll move you up on my list of priorities." Sorry, doesn't work that way. Dating is to "try before you buy." No one is going to "buy" you OR your book with that crazy theory of yours...don't give up that day job, but good luck with that! Hope it works for ya! Dating is not just for trying and buying. There are other reasons for dating. I don't ever plan to get married or live with anyone. I'd had offers from 2 of my exes when we were dating to move in with them. I turned them down because I like my space. I have grown out of the stage of wanting a woman around me 100% of the time. In my late teens and early twenties I dreamed of being with someone 24/7. Now I want a woman around only 30% of the time. I prefer to date exclusively for an indefinite period of time and never live together. That's the best of both worlds. I have a very active life outside a relationship. I like to travel, go bowling with my friends, golfing, recreational reading, along with my job. I personally do not want to date a woman who puts me first. I use to want that but I've repgroammed my mind. I put my family first and I expect her to do the same. If she doesn't have her priorites in order then that's a red flag to me. That's just the way it should be. Blood is thicker than water. Women come and go but my parents are always there for me during my down times. I can count on them. Women will kick me to the curb when I'm down. Therefore my blood family deserves to be put before any woman.
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I didn't say they were. However even you must be admitting to yourself that something written by a professional who's dealt with hundreds of cases after having had the schooling to help him/her understand them, must be having a tad more merit to it, right? Wrong, or you wouldn't write it. Besides you said it will be "about the psychological warfare in the dating department" and unless you meant to say "A layman's personal guide to dating" or "My personal ideas about what the warfare of the dating scene is" again I insist, it's JUST what the world needs. Mind you, I am completely clear on what utter rubbish some of the already existent ones are, and yet I can't in good consciousness say "Sure, you go ahead write one more absurd rules collection so that some poor suckers pay a buck for hope." I read part of your posts on other threads, they have to do with your perspective of the game (e.g. number of times the phone needs to ring before picking up) and in light of that I have a two fold problem with the new book release. A. There is no such thing as Rules for relationships to fit everyone and the fact that anyone feels like adding their version of those existing is further proof of that. The consequences of thinking otherwise can many times be destructive. And B. I have no problem with "How I view dating" sort of books but am pretty sure many of those who end up producing the next "THIS IS WHAT YOU NEED TO DO!" self help book start out by wanting to write the first and ultimately decide there's more money and fame in the latter. Actually I'm not even writing my book to make money. I'm sending copies of it for free. I'm very selective about who I'm going to give it to.
Touche Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Dating is not just for trying and buying. There are other reasons for dating. I don't ever plan to get married or live with anyone. I'd had offers from 2 of my exes when we were dating to move in with them. I turned them down because I like my space. I have grown out of the stage of wanting a woman around me 100% of the time. In my late teens and early twenties I dreamed of being with someone 24/7. Now I want a woman around only 30% of the time. I prefer to date exclusively for an indefinite period of time and never live together. That's the best of both worlds. I have a very active life outside a relationship. I like to travel, go bowling with my friends, golfing, recreational reading, along with my job. I personally do not want to date a woman who puts me first. I use to want that but I've repgroammed my mind. I put my family first and I expect her to do the same. If she doesn't have her priorites in order then that's a red flag to me. That's just the way it should be. Blood is thicker than water. Women come and go but my parents are always there for me during my down times. I can count on them. Women will kick me to the curb when I'm down. Therefore my blood family deserves to be put before any woman. WOW! To this, all I can say is how old ARE you? I hope for your sake that you're under the age of 25...geezzz. If you're over that age, man...that's a little strange. Strange and quite sad. If you're over 25 I would say as a "layperson" that you're not developing as an adult the way you should. Not trying to put you down, just trying to get you to think about it. I had similar issues when I was in my twenties. Takes some of us longer than others to grow up. No shame in that, really unless you bury your head in the sand about it.
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 It's amazing that ever since I've been reprogramming my mind, the qualities I look for in a woman have changed. I'm no longer clingy & therefore no longer attracted to a clingy woman. I'm no longer attracted to a woman who wants to spend all her free time with me. I want her to hang out with her friends too.
Touche Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 It's amazing that ever since I've been reprogramming my mind, the qualities I look for in a woman have changed. I'm no longer clingy & therefore no longer attracted to a clingy woman. I'm no longer attracted to a woman who wants to spend all her free time with me. I want her to hang out with her friends too. Believe me, that attitude will change the minute you find THE one...if you're lucky enough to ever find her that is.
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 WOW! To this, all I can say is how old ARE you? I hope for your sake that you're under the age of 25...geezzz. If you're over that age, man...that's a little strange. Strange and quite sad. If you're over 25 I would say as a "layperson" that you're not developing as an adult the way you should. Not trying to put you down, just trying to get you to think about it. I had similar issues when I was in my twenties. Takes some of us longer than others to grow up. No shame in that, really unless you bury your head in the sand about it. How am I not developing as an adult? I'm more independent now than I was before. I never said that I lived with my parents. I live alone and I'm starting to enjoy it.
Alexandra Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Actually I'm not even writing my book to make money. I'm sending copies of it for free. I'm very selective about who I'm going to give it to. Oh thank God. "No offense" but I shall save my tears for a more worthy cause than not being included in that particular elite. I do trust your followers shall be grateful and that someday the entire sect will get help from the "they're no smarter than us" category.
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Believe me, that attitude will change the minute you find THE one...if you're lucky enough to ever find her that is. Like I said I'm of the belief that the best chance I have of finding the right one is when I'm not pursuing at all. I'm letting fate & time do the work for my own heart and drawing the right soul to me. I'm doing my part by becoming more independent emotionally, working out in the gym, hanging out with friends, other self improvement stuff. It's the only way to true happiness.
Touche Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 How am I not developing as an adult? I'm more independent now than I was before. I never said that I lived with my parents. I live alone and I'm starting to enjoy it. That's great! Yeah, I didn't live with my parents either. I was independent too. But STILL I was not a fully emancipated adult in my early twenties and even into my mid-twenties. And I mean psychologically speaking, not financially or in any other way.
Alexandra Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 If you're over 25 I would say as a "layperson" that you're not developing as an adult the way you should. Stab dully noted Goddess However, I have to say, this particular "laywoman" is right on the spot and many times worth ten professionals
Touche Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Like I said I'm of the belief that the best chance I have of finding the right one is when I'm not pursuing at all. I'm letting fate & time do the work for my own heart and drawing the right soul to me. I'm doing my part by becoming more independent emotionally, working out in the gym, hanging out with friends, other self improvement stuff. It's the only way to true happiness. Now THIS I can agree with. This is SO true. Just don't put her at the bottom of the list when you DO find her, ok?
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 That's great! Yeah, I didn't live with my parents either. I was independent too. But STILL I was not a fully emancipated adult in my early twenties and even into my mid-twenties. And I mean psychologically speaking, not financially or in any other way. I moved out just 3 months before my 18th birthday.
radiation7740 Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Now THIS I can agree with. This is SO true. Just don't put her at the bottom of the list when you DO find her, ok? Too many men don't take care of themselves first & that's a turn off to alot of women.
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