Waffle Man Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I just had an experience to share with you as the dumper. I owe loveshack, so here goes. Take what you will from this: I had been involved with a youngish woman for around a year. Early on she betrayed my trust by revisiting the ex after we had already committed. I tried to forgive her with some support from loveshack. You can search my handle to get the back-story. Many people told me to ditch her or expect more pain. Flash forward to now. I tried to forgive her but I couldn’t and the relationship was rocky at best. The pain was as bad as I was warned it would be. See what Massive Atom posted for me. So I gave up finally. It was DIFFICULT, but I told her I wanted to end it and move on. I chose NC as the dumper. Today she tried to contact me. Ambushed me actually. I stayed calm and spoke to her kindly, but she said all those things that you should never say if you’ve been dumped. She was spewing cliché after cliché. Ironically, this morning I woke up really missing her and had to force myself not to contact her. I started to think and second-guess myself (got the old dumper's remorse) and BAM! She came after me and all those sad feelings melted away when I saw how sad and pathetic she seemed. No matter what she said, I kept thinking “You are so weak. You got what you deserved for not hearing me, not respecting me and making stupid decisions. And where are my car keys” *fishes around in pockets* “so I can the hell out of here?” Point is: NC is your best bet as a dumped person. I was started to do the work for her. I was rethinking my decision and her choice to contact me spoiled any hope that I would come around. For the first time I saw that she wasn’t the love of my life, I saw that she was just a person. And there in lies the rub, loveshack peoples: NC lets the magic of love breathe and possibly grow (not always—NC is no silver bullet). Premature contact pulls back the curtain. And then POOF! Nothing. Get my drift?
Chinook Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Good post. I especially like the bit about re-learning to respect and honour yourself. That in my opinion is far more important than any relationship or what we perceive as lost love. Cliché it may be, but true happiness comes from within. Within our own hands lies the key to our own happiness. Give that key to someone else and sure as s*** they'll lose it somehow.
Pantero Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Good post. I especially like the bit about re-learning to respect and honour yourself. That in my opinion is far more important than any relationship or what we perceive as lost love. Cliché it may be, but true happiness comes from within. Within our own hands lies the key to our own happiness. Give that key to someone else and sure as s*** they'll lose it somehow. QUOTED FOR TRUTH!
GB111 Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 So, Waffle Man, I'll be curious to hear whether this stength wears off after a period of NC. There is no question in my mind that NC is best immediately after a breakup. My curiosity is whether or not any loving emotions return to the dumper after a period of NC, even if the dumpee was clingy. GB
Author Waffle Man Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Chinook: very perceptive, didn't quite see it as clearly as you put it. Thanks. GB, Still processing the emotions, but preliminarily, I can be honest with myself and look past the anger to the point that I can admit that I care about her. But if I do love her or if I am "in love" with her, I'm seriously repressing it. Or her clingy behavior has dispelled the illusion of love that came with the challenge of conquering another person. Of course you never want to conquer a person, you want them to be the yin to your yang. When your spirit has eclipsed theirs and they no longer present a mirror they cease to challenge you. I guess what I'm saying is that contact squashed any fears I was developing that she was moving on or trying to heal herself. Her appearance just convinced me that I can have her whenever I want. She even said so...
Author Waffle Man Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Chinook: very perceptive, didn't quite see it as clearly as you put it. Thanks. GB, Still processing the emotions, but preliminarily, I can be honest with myself and look past the anger to the point that I can admit that I care about her. But if I do love her or if I am "in love" with her, I'm seriously repressing it. Or her clingy behavior has dispelled the illusion of love that came with the challenge of conquering another person. Of course you never want to conquer a person, you want them to be the yin to your yang. When your spirit has eclipsed theirs and they no longer present a mirror they cease to challenge you. I guess what I'm saying is that contact squashed any fears I was developing that she was moving on or trying to heal herself. Her appearance just convinced me that I can have her whenever I want. She even said so...
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