JackJack Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I wonder how many people who are in unhealthy relationships, if they developed some self esteem and self worth would leave their spouses or S/O's? Maybe thats why some people are still in those unhealthy realtionships, because they think to little of them selves, kind of like they feel they deserve to be in the situation they are in. I would think if they thought different they would have done been gone. I know my fiance's last b/f she had before I ever met her was like that. She stayed in a relationship that was not good for along time. She knew in the back of her mind it wasn't a good situation and that things wouldn't change as far as how he was with her. But I think on the surface she convinced herself that she deserved to be where she was, because she didn't have alot of self esteem. If you're in a bad relationship right now, do you feel you stay because your self esteem is low and you think you're only worthy with what you're in right now? Do you think if you developed self worth you would leave your unhealthy situation?
jerbear Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Most of the time I would not know I was in a toxic relationship till after the honeymoon period or a few months afterwards. I have left / dumpped toxic relationships fast once I wise up. I do know I am stronger will than most and would rather be single and crappy than single and toxic.
Author JackJack Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Most of the time I would not know I was in a toxic relationship till after the honeymoon period or a few months afterwards. I have left / dumpped toxic relationships fast once I wise up. I do know I am stronger will than most and would rather be single and crappy than single and toxic. See thats the thing though, once you probably realized it was unhealthy you put an end to it. Possibly because you feel you have some self worth and didn't need the crap you were in. Of course I'm sure its a little easier to do that while dating than in a marraige, but often wonder if people would end things once they established some sort for self worth.
jerbear Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I think it is easier for a guy sometimes? or harder. I do know women stay longer and try to fix/change the guy sometimes. Even when they know there is a problem. I view my ex as one and was thinking of intervening but screwed up. OH well...
Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 All this conjecture is great, but how would you propose we solve this self-esteem problem?
Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I think it is easier for a guy sometimes? or harder. I do know women stay longer and try to fix/change the guy sometimes. Even when they know there is a problem. I view my ex as one and was thinking of intervening but screwed up. OH well... If it's any consolation.. if she didn't ask for your help, then she wouldn't have listened anyway. People have to want change in order for change to occur.
jerbear Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 If it's any consolation.. if she didn't ask for your help, then she wouldn't have listened anyway. People have to want change in order for change to occur. thanks it was the thing I needed. Once a woman is set; nothing can change her mind. She talked to her girlfriends and they came up with the same thing. That was one reason I walked away. That is the "only" thing holding me back from healing. So gives me a good POV, and move on and use that piece of paper for something useful. I also realize she didn't "respect" me or appreciated me, it was an eye opener! I stood and held my ground then walked away. It was when I walked away she appreciated me; but also pushed her to anotother guy. Also she has some abandonment issues, self esteem, "broken" for herself. She tested me all this time to a point I cracked.
Guest Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I stayed with my now ex for almost two years. I loved him and he said he loved me but all his actions proved otherwise. I kept thinking he would change, but he never did. He didn't care about my feelings or wants or needs one bit. I stayed as long as I did because I am 31 and I felt I would not find anyone else, I didn't want to have to go out and meet new people again. Well we just ended things and I am very sour to say the least. He only cared about this stupid game called EQ, he would brake up with me if something good was going on in the game, then a few days later come back to me, saying ohh I am sorry and blah blah blah. I served that son of a bitch right! I changed his password (I had bought the account )and now guess what? No more game for him no more nothing for him. He made that game his life, it came before me everytime. SO now I said well how does it feel to know someone so cold and heartless as you! Ohh the joys it brings me but I am still sad that he couldn't treat me right. He told me I am sorry that I couldn't show you my good side, you just didn't bring it out. What a loser!! Now I am much happier alone then feeling like a piece of s*** day in and day out. I was a great g/f I did anything I could for him and still it wasn't good enough.
PandorasBox Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 For me when I was married, I learned to get a backbone and developed some self esteem. After years of marraige and him calling me names, belittling me etc, I had all could stand. Thank goodness we didn't have kids, I think it would have been harder to do. We wanted kids, but due to medical reasons were not able. I think I was scared that I wouldn't be able to find another, or that I might would get into a relationship again that was the same way as the one before. I did at least have a job and could support myself some what, at least it was a start. I woke up one day and said to myself, "you know what? I'm worth more than this. I do not need to be treated like this anymore." When he came home from work that evening we sat down had a talk, and I told him how I felt. Come to find out, the bastard was glad that I wanted to end it, becasue he said he wanted to as well, but stayed out of obligation!! Obligation to what? We didn't have kids! He said out of obligation because he felt bad or sorry for me if he didn't? WTF! So needless to say, since I was the one that broke things off with our marriage, for awhile I was looked upon as the bad guy. But guess what? They got over it, I got over it, and everything came out in the wash in the end. I'm a better person for ending it.
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