jackell999 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Hi, I don't know how it started, Im having an affair with a married women. I;m also married. Both in our 40's... we have a great time together but it's not right.. neither of us will divorce... my wife of 25 years works long hours won't stop... my kids are grown and I;m bored... her kids are litte younger but grad high school and college this year. Her husband also works long hours... it started with just friends and now we go to dinner, movie, hang out and yes have sex not each time we are together but ... simply don't know what to do....
RealityCheck Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Well, I can certainly understand bordem in a marriage in many ways! This is typical when people get caught up in work and their kids. We tend to loose each other in the process. The question is "What do YOU want to do? How did the A begin? Have you deep feelings for the OW? Where is your head space? Do you still love your W? Does your W still love you? Are you in your marriage for other reasons other than "Love"? Your story is brief, so it is difficult to answer with little information.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Hi Jackell! I am a married woman in love with a married man! We have strong feelings for each other but we know that this is wrong in so many ways. (We've not had intercourse, but everything else, briefly.) He lives very far away so that helps us from doing something that we may regret later. I have been here since our NC 5 months ago. It is very painful everyday. Can you tell us your side of the story? Are you in love with the OW or are you simply doing this out of boredom? And do you love your wife?
curly Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Jackel - please answer the questions. very important to know where your head is at. Sounds like just plain boredom. About a year into the A with my MM, people found out/figured it out.... happy hour crowd, etc. Anyway, one of the men approached me (a guy I like but not attracted to) about whether I would consider him. It wasn't a hard come-on.. but it was there. Made me feel slutty b/c I was obviously seeing a MM, but that's another post Anyway, I shot him down quick telling him that looking outside your marriage can be very dangerous. You never know what's out there and where it might take you. You've evidently dabbled and found that its a tough time out there. Its not just this play thing (I mean it doesn't stay casual very long). And you should be commended that you feel guilt and trepidation getting involved in someone else. We're ALL tempted and boredom lets the temptation in. Without going through all the horrible consequences of your actions (I'm sure you're aware and why you're already thinking of them), my best advice to you is its HIGH TIME to shake things up... but in your home! Spice things up! Send a text msg to your wife at work. Work her up a bit, make her excited to come home. Make dates, have sex in a different part of the house, what ever you need to do, DO IT. It's not pretty out here. Don't start an affair. It's a VERY slippery slope. Goes down hill pretty quick. Try remembering why you thought your wife was hot when you first met her. Good luck!
Author jackell999 Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 It hurts most the time.. in Sept it will be 26 years... two great kids.. we've been to counseling... trying to relight the fire... I love her but it's like living with my sister... the announced in dec no french kissing... I've tried romantic weekends.. usually she doens't show... she works her own business and a full time time... won't quit either and I make more than enough.. we don't argue or fight.. we never hold hands anymore or and can't seem to talk about much... we go to dinner sometimes then a movie but no communication... yes boredom the lady I'm seeing is exciting... we talk easy... she describes her own husband much the same way... agiain money's not the issue.. and not really sex... we love being together becuase we have each other to talk to ... my wife has said many time she dosne't care what i do just don't leave her... but I can't sit in this house alone, hanging with they guys is fun but after so many years sorry i want a women company... I've sent flowers, candy, text.. special nights, but nothing... I'm 46 she's 45 both in good shape... but.. I feel rotton about seeing someone but almost feel If I don't I'll die in the house...my head I don't really think I'm in love with my girl friend, and she's not asking me to leave and I'm not asking her to leave... but... still fell you say I DO and good or bad you don't break the bond.. I have .... I think I have to get away from my wife.. let her deal with her life on her terms... most weeks we leave at 6am daily I return by 6pm she rolls in about 10 or 11. Weekends she works her own bus so .. no time... I litterely got her sec to put a concert I bought tickets for in her treo so she would show up....
Sami_D Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Hello and welcome jackell. I'm wondering... you say you don't know what to do... do you mean you're thinking of ending it with her..? Because it's 'not right'? You say neither of you will divorce... why is that? Do you feel like you want to divorce to be with her..? Keep posting.
Author jackell999 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 I've thought of being free from my wife's schedule for years and never acted, for some reason this women and I click, we talk we laugh and really enjoy each others company. With my wife there's nothing, we don't fight or yell, we just.. don't communicate, I asked her to go to counseling and she has refused yet again. I'm not rethinking divorce, not for the OW but for me.. I can't sit her anymore and wait. Having an affair as someone has said is a slippery slope..... I can't tell my family, friends or anyone and to be honest the silence is hard to. Being with the OW is fun, exciting and we talk about everything, but it's not right. I think she is rethinking her marriage and if divorce is a solution, she brought it up and I was very clear if I divorced and she divorced we still may not be together, I would have to date her not sneaking around (old fashion)...out in the open... and then see what happens.
Author jackell999 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 We work together, we have cubes close together , little looks, flirt very simple. Then a beer after work to txt messages back in forth. Started in March... A quick kiss then nice walks by the lake. She plays soccor so I've gone to several games and watched. Now we've talked about evertying, our lives, our kids... we've become very close, like I said we click, she discribes her issues with her husband, i've talked about the same with my wife. I guess when I say I don't know what to do, I like the easy talking way we get along but after 25 years not sure I'm strong enough without my wife... we got married at 20.. don't know any other way ..and would never believed this could happen to me...sounds funny but with all the preasure and making checking on schedules I'm tired.. justing keeping everything straight is really hard.. this has been only a couple of months, can't imagine years.
Author jackell999 Posted May 7, 2006 Author Posted May 7, 2006 Love .. yes I love my wife, but not sure I'm in love with her.. does that make sense... when I'm with my wife I want to be with OW, when I'm with the OW I think about my wife... how screwed up is that. I think I worry about the consequence and impact on my kids more than anything. I've thinking divorce may be the solution, just hope I'm strong enough in the past when things have not been great, she always said "don't ever leave me"... now the kids are grad and getting off to college.. it's like how can I live the rest of my life with her...
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