Big_A Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I’m angry now. I am now thinking, “How can I screw things up for her?” She still hasn’t moved out, she is taking time off at the end of the month to do this. I am thinking that I should just throw her stuff out on the street. I want to ruin her new relationship. I’m not going to do these things, because that is stupid, but I really want to. After being mad and thinking horrible thoughts, I feel guilty. I feel so bad for thinking such terrible thoughts about someone that I love so much.
KittenMoon Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I knew this couple vaguely in college- they were in my classes. I thought they were nice people. They had a horrible break-up and the guy threw all her stuff into a dumpster one day, including her portfolio which contained her artwork. You couldn't do much worse to an art student. Anyways, it was a horrible horrible thing to do, and my opinion of him instantly turned him into an immature villian. Don't do anything like that- be a bigger man.
Yamaha Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Anger only hurts you. I know it's hard but be the bigger person and let her go. You have to realize that she doesn't want to be with you and even though it hurts like hell, do you really want to be with someone who doesn't want you?
visotech Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 If you do anything outrageous your only going to regret it later. Plus she could just retaliate
Author Big_A Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Indeed I do want to be the bigger person and of course I don't want to be with someone that wants to be with someone else. I have no intention of doing something that I'll regret later. I'm just frustrated that there is nothing I can do and I'm angry with how I've been treated. Thanks for the support.
In Sync Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I’m angry now. I am now thinking, “How can I screw things up for her?” She still hasn’t moved out, she is taking time off at the end of the month to do this. I am thinking that I should just throw her stuff out on the street. I want to ruin her new relationship. I’m not going to do these things, because that is stupid, but I really want to. After being mad and thinking horrible thoughts, I feel guilty. I feel so bad for thinking such terrible thoughts about someone that I love so much. Today I realized that I felt angry because I never addressed to my 'X' just how hurt I felt by the way he sometimes treated me throughout our reationship. I never vented how hurt and dissappointed I was in the way he broke it off from me. I never spoke up, because I thought at the time to just swallow the pain. Don't resort to being aggressive or argue back. So that anger has been below the surface. I need to recognize that I have those intense feelings because I think by denying it, I don't recognize it for what it is and it'll eat away at me and bring me down.
dgiirl Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Dont give your ex's any more reasons why it was a good thing they dumped you. By you seeking revenge, it just confirms to them that it was a good decision. Release your anger in other ways. Write a letter and DONT SEND IT. Get involved in some exercise. Punch a pillow. Make a voodoo doll Figure out why you're angry and put it to good use for your next relationship. For example, In Sync can use that anger to pinpoint exactly what it was that her ex did to make her angry and she can learn to handle it better the next time it happens in a relationship.
riobikini Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I don't recommend doing anything stupid, -like violence, for instance...but for me, I found the anger phase rather therapeutic. -Rio
Juggs Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Wow.... I can SO relate... I'm not sure what makes me cry the most.... The fact that my husband cheated on me while I was pregnant and now wants a divorce or the feelings of hatered I have for both him and the #$@% he cheated on me with... I hate the way the anger makes me feel. It's like it eats you up inside like battery acid. I have been looking for ways to let it all go and have not really found it yet but some suggestions I am getting are to do very physical things like jogging or lifting wieghts or shoveling dirt... etc.... to release the anger and rage in a safe way.... Let me know if you find the answer, please....
riobikini Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I concur with the jest of responses, so far, in this whole thread. The anger is confusing, -but it's natural. You have to "go" with it, to a certain, reasonable extent, just to "get it out" so you can stay sane. Whatever that is. (Smile) The confusing part comes when you feel really bad about feeling the anger, or are surprised with how much of it you can feel. You're taken back, ashamed, awed, and/or just really damned scared at the stuff you are thinking. It's all ok, -most of us don't wind up in jail over it. And it's over soon enough. Then we go on to the next phase of emotional healing, that is, -if you went through this one without too much resistance. I think *it's healthy to react to the pain* , humiliation, and just plain hurt that someone caused you, -something they did to you. I think how we react to it does have it's boundaries, but finding safe ways of getting it out is ultra-important to our recovery. Like someone else posted, -punch a pillow. Scream in your car with the stereo turned up. Run your legs off or wear the work bench out. Whatever it takes. But don't hold it in, nor try to ignore it, -it can come back later to bite you hard, right in the a*s. -Rio
Numbheart Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 . Scream in your car with the stereo turned up. But don't hold it in, nor try to ignore it, -it can come back later to bite you hard, right in the a*s. -Rio I can so relate to that!!! I like to understand everything and when I do not (such as the real reasons why my ex is ignoring me) it frustrates me to a point of anger. Second guessing messes with you head, some days are worse than others, if I think shes doing it cos of 1 reason then I'm fine, but then if I think shes doing it cos of another, Jeez, Im yelling "bitch" at the top of my voice whilst driving every 30 seconds! Sometimes it makes me think I'm going a little crazy and can be worried that I'm going to be left with a lot of pent up anger inside me, but usually I just see it for what it really is....I'm just venting!! Every day is different, but my friends are telling me they are starting to see the old me again, I can see me coming back also, its just hard and takes time...everythings proportionate / relevant to your feelings. I "was" thinking of therapy, I now say screw it, I know I'm strong enough to go through this without it.....every day at a time helps a little more.
Blackfrost Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Anger is an incredible motivator for working out at the gym. Fuel your anger into a positive life change, and use it to build yourself into the body you always wanted - and every one else wants I was dealing with alot of stress, frustration and anger from my workplace, and have since changed all those negatives into positives for me, in the gym. I highly recommend this route. Cheers
riobikini Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 re: Blackfrost: " build yourself into the body you always wanted - and every one else wants." Great advertisement concept for a gym! -Rio
Curmudgeon Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 It worked for me. I took out my anger on free weights and other exercises. Not only were they a great stress reducer but they also yielded positive results physically. I also came to the realization that anger is wasted emotional energy better spent on more pleasant pursuits. Lastly, I tried to conduct myself in ways that would allow me to forever after look back and honestly say, "No regrets!"
luvtoto Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I’m angry now. I am now thinking, “How can I screw things up for her?” She still hasn’t moved out, she is taking time off at the end of the month to do this. I am thinking that I should just throw her stuff out on the street. I want to ruin her new relationship. I’m not going to do these things, because that is stupid, but I really want to. After being mad and thinking horrible thoughts, I feel guilty. I feel so bad for thinking such terrible thoughts about someone that I love so much. My dear friend, I've been in your shoes before. Wasted a year out of my life seeking revenge on my XBF and OW. Even had the cops called on me a couple times, because I broke into the OW's email & showed up at her house to confront her. I pretty much was obsessed with screwing up their lives. I even went to the extent of dating her X-husband after she kicked him out. Anyways, not trying to bore you with my long drawn out story which I am NOT proud of. What I learned from the whole ordeal was that I should have just laid back got on with my life and let karma deal with them. Nothing I did to them hurt them in anyway. I just ended up making an ass out of myself. Here's how their story ended... A couple years later after those two asses got married ,they were forced out of town because of too many bill collectors hunting them down. The last I heard, they have to move around every few months so they don't get caught. She ended up losing custody of her children. She was fired from her job at the bank 'cause she was stealing money. My X ended up in jail, cause he beat up the guy she was sleeping with. Let's just say, I am sleeping just fine at night. Trust me...what comes around goes around. HONEST!
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 Trust me...what comes around goes around Sooner or later... indeed the balance of the scales of life tips equal again. I believe everything we do in life has a consequence. Every deed and action. Everything that happens in life has a balance - good/bad, light/dark, black/white, male/female, yin/yang. I believe that so much that after my cancer treatment I had a yin yang tattooed on my wrist to remind me of it. I smile at that thing every single day! It reminds me that for all the s*** we go through... there is equal goodness (if we SEE it). For all the good stuff we go through... it's because somehow, somewhere we deserved it... we did good with our lives. If you get angry and react angrily... the only person it hurts is you. The other person doesn't give a crap because they're too busy NOT seeing you and only seeing their own (new) life. Getting angry and reacting angrily as the previous poster has said... just fuels the fire that they think you're an eejit. Hope things have settled some since the initial post.
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