jerbear Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Can you talk to the prof and get extra credit or fight a grade and even get a D-?
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Can you talk to the prof and get extra credit or fight a grade and even get a D-? I was under the impression that without a 2.0 © you didn't pass. I'm pretty sure they won't count anything below that toward your major. I got a DC.. not sure what that is.. a 1.5? Instructor had reiterated many, many times.. no extra credit, no leeway, nothing. You got what he gave, and basically that our class was the worst class he'd ever had. I checked over all my tests/quizes, and ther's nothing to fight. If it's wrong, it's wrong. *shrug* Not sure what I'd fight with. And too late to drop it. This guy was the worst professor I've ever had. And lucky me, he's the only one who teaches this class. woo hoo. which is already filled for next fall.
Pyro Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Wow. I just read your original rant and I must say thats it is very unacceptable for the way that he treated you. Any guy would be lucky to have a gal that would slave away like you did for him before he got home. I think that you two should sit down and explain to him that you understand that he is going to have some bad days at work but you will not tolerate him taking his frustrations out on you. If I were you, I would make a deal to where from now on when he comes home in that same grumpy mood, give him his own time to cool down. Agree to avoid each other and let him be off by himself either outside or in one of the rooms of the house, and when he is ready and calm, he can come to you. Just a suggestion.
jerbear Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Hang in there, for those that have failed, got up and brushed off the dust, makes your stronger, make your resolve stronger, and understand how it feels to fail and recover. I've been thru your situation with at least 2 classes. Have to look at my transcripts to make sure. There are just subjects where one won't get it, for me it was theoretical math. aka geometry and proofs. Engineering calc III and finite math II both I failed and retook 2 or 3 times. Another was Accounting II with D, retook it and got a B+. Sometimes it takes a failing grade to understand what is going on. Still took Advance Accounting and passed. what can Adv acct do in an IT field? go figure. ex made/persuaded me to take it with her.
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 ....and I for one think she deserves a round of applause for thinking things over and trying to grow stronger not a slap on the wrist. Walk you were upset, you made it sound like he was constantly abusive, like you are potentially afraid to leave for financial concerns, like he was insensitive and all bad. I would bet that's not the case. Thank you. Part of the problem with these boards is you hear the story from an upset person, and only get one side. Usually not quite accurate since that upset person is interpreting the actions of the other. Sometimes accurate enough, but still leaves a lot of interpretation up to the person who's upset. I'll work on that list tomorrow, after he heads back to work.. Here's the question of the night: He's upstairs sleeping in the bedroom. Do I slip in and sleep there, or sleep on the couch? I'm still upset about this. Don't really want to be near him right now. But not sure I want to potentially aggravate the situation by blatantly shunning the bedroom. He could still wake up and apologize. Not bloody likely, but it could happen..
jerbear Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 IMO, I say never goto bed upset. The bedroom is sanctuary, bury the hachets outside the room; at least leave them at the door. I say that to all my SO's, the bedroom is where the world/upsets, angry, etc.. are LEFT OUTSIDE. Get butt naked and join me. So just suggesting the this ideal. Makes one really work and think on this; very hard and I'm sure freaks many out. Goto bed with him. Be yourself and tell him about going to bed angry. If he doesnt' get it... another story.
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Engineering calc III and finite math II both I failed and retook 2 or 3 times. Another was Accounting II with D, retook it and got a B+. Sometimes it takes a failing grade to understand what is going on. Still took Advance Accounting and passed. what can Adv acct do in an IT field? go figure. ex made/persuaded me to take it with her. Had the finite and accounting already. hated the finite. ick.. I was pretty cocky going into this internation econ class... figured I was pulling 4.0 without breaking a sweat, and this class would be a no brainer. I've failed classes before, but never one I actually tried in... After I got the first homework back with a D, I put everything I had into it. Just never got it...
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 IMO, I say never goto bed upset. The bedroom is sanctuary, bury the hachets outside the room; at least leave them at the door. I say that to all my SO's, the bedroom is where the world/upsets, angry, etc.. are LEFT OUTSIDE. Get butt naked and join me. So just suggesting the this ideal. Makes one really work and think on this; very hard and I'm sure freaks many out. Goto bed with him. Be yourself and tell him about going to bed angry. If he doesnt' get it... another story. He's asleep anyway... he wouldn't know if I was there or not til he gets up for work tomorrow.
RecordProducer Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Walk, you should only have such problems, hun! Everyone has their own quirks, learn to accept them even when they sound ridiculous to you. he wants to be asked first and wants to feel like a man so be it. Let him! You spent 60 sentences (didn't count them) describing what you've done in 4 hours (I especially liked the ready-to-warm-up muffins you made! - SORRY, COULDN'T RESIST! ). But you spent 6 words explaining that he's worked 40 hours straight. He doesn't even know that you spilled the coffee and cleaning up the house... well somebody has to do it while he's working for both of you. I am far from taking his side; I am just trying to console you that he's not such a jerk as it might appear to you. My husband says "thanks" when I make him a sandwich, but doesn't say anything when I spend two hours cooking from a scratch and one hour cleaning up the mess afterwords. No big deal for me. He pays the bills and I don't thank him for that, but I might say "thanks" when he fixes my internet connection for me. Just try to imagine this very day from your man's perspective. Did you ask him how his day was and what he did in the last 40 hours?
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Just try to imagine this very day from your man's perspective. Did you ask him how his day was and what he did in the last 40 hours? Hey now... I had to add an egg and milk to those muffins. You have a good point RP. Part of what bugged me about last night though was that it seemed as soon as he sat down he launched in about all this. He sat down, I said you must be exhausted. He said "a little" and then... "Just for future reference, Don't. jerk open the door when I'm coming home...." and the rest.. then followed up with "I'm not trying to jump your ass about this." Just to give an idea of what this guy goes through though. He left for work at 11pm tuesday evening, got home at 7pm Wed evening. Worked the entire time inbetween that. That's 20 hours right there, and only one day. Then he went to bed about an hour after he got home... like 8ish. Not sure when he finally fell asleep. I could hear him moving around in there for a least an hour... So maybe 9ish. Then he was up at 3:30am this morning, and he left for work again about half an hour ago. 5ish. He got more sleep last night then he normally gets. And this schedule is "normal" for him, as far as the hours go. He's already worked about 50 hours in 3 days, and still has 2 days left to go.... One other time he had a problem with me greeting him at the door, and that was when he was in a mood like this. Other times he says he wants me to greet him at the door, recreate that connection after he's been consumed by work for the past 20 hours. So what do I do now? Wave at him from across the room when he gets home from work? Besides, it was something I enjoyed doing for him. Made me feel as though I was "helping" at least a little tiny bit. And fine... if it bugs him I'll stop. But I feel like an ass if he's trying to get the door, has his hands full and all I can do is watch...
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 He just text messaged me and said "sorry for the attitude last night. We'll talk about it later. Works really stressing me out. Love you..." Guess I wait to see what he means by "talk about it later". Probably be an extended lecture on how I shouldn't open the door... I'm pretty negative today, just disregard.
Touche Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 He just text messaged me and said "sorry for the attitude last night. We'll talk about it later. Works really stressing me out. Love you..." Guess I wait to see what he means by "talk about it later". Probably be an extended lecture on how I shouldn't open the door... I'm pretty negative today, just disregard. If I were you, when you have this talk, I wouldn't be so quick to say "it's ok." I'd let him know that you don't like it. That you understand he's exhausted but it's not a reason to treat you like that. If you just dismiss it too quickly and tell him it's ok then you're giving him carte blanche to treat you that way any time he pleases and he'll think it's ok. And AFTER you tell him that, THEN you can tell him you forgive him.
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 If I were you, when you have this talk, I wouldn't be so quick to say "it's ok." I'd let him know that you don't like it. That you understand he's exhausted but it's not a reason to treat you like that. If you just dismiss it too quickly and tell him it's ok then you're giving him carte blanche to treat you that way any time he pleases and he'll think it's ok. And AFTER you tell him that, THEN you can tell him you forgive him. Question... I'm trying to figure out a way to respond to this text message that will let him know I'm not happy about last night, but not to add it to his pile of stress, and we can deal with it later... but not quite sure how to word it.. actually, that might work ok.. Do you have any suggestions?
TeaCooler Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Question... I'm trying to figure out a way to respond to this text message that will let him know I'm not happy about last night, but not to add it to his pile of stress, and we can deal with it later... but not quite sure how to word it.. actually, that might work ok.. Do you have any suggestions? how about just a simple "okay"?
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 how about just a simple "okay"? 'Cause I don't want to add to his stress. And I'd think just saying "okay" would imply you don't care. What's your thoughts on it?
TeaCooler Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 'Cause I don't want to add to his stress. And I'd think just saying "okay" would imply you don't care. What's your thoughts on it? really? i always just put "okay" for lots of things, even stuff like this. it's not nothing, so you're not ignoring him, and at the same time, people know that texts are the most inconvenient way to communicate when you have something important to say. so i still say go with "okay." or even "okay, talk to you later then." it's short and sweet. or short and nasty, whichever you prefer but in any case, he'll get that you agree that it's a good idea to talk about it, and you can use it to your advantage when it's time to talk that you said very little--so you can take the conversation where you want it to go, too. if that one little word affects him that badly, he needs more help than you give him.
Touche Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 really? i always just put "okay" for lots of things, even stuff like this. it's not nothing, so you're not ignoring him, and at the same time, people know that texts are the most inconvenient way to communicate when you have something important to say. so i still say go with "okay." or even "okay, talk to you later then." it's short and sweet. or short and nasty, whichever you prefer but in any case, he'll get that you agree that it's a good idea to talk about it, and you can use it to your advantage when it's time to talk that you said very little--so you can take the conversation where you want it to go, too. if that one little word affects him that badly, he needs more help than you give him. How about this? "Yes, we do need to talk. Have a good one! See you later. Love you!"
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 if that one little word affects him that badly, he needs more help than you give him. Ahem. Just sending the one word reply is so out of character for me that he'll probably assume I'm serious pissed off, and basically not talking to him. I'd have better luck not replying at all, then sending a one word text message. Either way... I just sent a reply back. Said. "Can't say I'm terribly happy about last night. But I know the stress and pressure your under is affecting you. Concentrate on your job, and staying safe. We can talk about this later, after you've rested."
Art_Critic Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Either way... I just sent a reply back. Said. "Can't say I'm terribly happy about last night. But I know the stress and pressure your under is affecting you. you sound like your are in a better frame of mind.. But.. stop allowing him to treat you like crap because of his job. in my 20's and part of my way thru my 30's I worked in excess of 120 hours per week and I did it as a normal lifestyle.. it was not unusual for me to work 24 or 48 or even 50 and sometimes 60-64 hours straight without sleep. I never treated the women in my life like s*** and placed the blame on stress or my job. I stopped working those hours in my mid 30's but I still have been known to throw in a 90-100 hour work week still. I think you need to call him on his treatment of you and don't accept that it is his job or stress causing him to snap at you or s*** on you.. that is something else. Please put your foot down on his treatment of you and lay the boundary down in such a manner that he knows he will lose you if he continues treating you this way.
Touche Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Art is so right. And I would have never added that last sentence either. Letting him off too easily and you're setting yourself up for being a doormat. That is NOT goddess behavior.
Sassy Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Some people no matter what you do for them never seem to appreciate it. The best thing to do is stop doing it . He sounds very ungrateful and inconsiderate of your feelings. My SO can be this way and i stopped greeting him at the door and making him comfortable. He would rather be left alone and i do just that. He hates his job as well. He wants to be a rock star and make lots of records and is mad at the world!!
Guest Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Quite possible. I failed because I honestly did not understand anything in that class. he taught theory, and tested in practical application. I got 4.0's in the other four classes I took... I even had my bf to help me study for the final in teh one I failed. But I could see how it would bother someone if you don't actively see them studying or working on classes work. If you're failing a class you should drop it before the final. Then it doesn't affect your GPA. The you can complain to the professor's superiors and the department will review the scores of all the students in your class. If they were skewed towards the lower end of the spectrum, then your claim has merit and you could get an opportunity to correct the grade, or at the very least spare some future collegiate from his ineffectual teaching. If you claim has no merit, that provides constructive information as well because it would indicate there is something correctable about your studying techniques. I have personally witnessed intelligent students who labored intensively for a class because they did not understand how to study that specific material. Once it was made clear to them that they were focusing on the wrong information, or using the wrong techniques to committ the information to memory, or in one student's case, he was actually diagnosed with a processing disorder -- the material was much easier for the students to understand.
Author Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 My SO can be this way and i stopped greeting him at the door and making him comfortable. He would rather be left alone and i do just that. He hates his job as well. But did that make the relationship better? Did he even notice? The problem is not so much greeting him at the door or not, it's how it makes me feel that will become a major issue if not addressed. I don't want to feel resentful, or any animosity towards him, and this is making me resentful. And it'll come out in other ways whether I want it to or not.
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