Fun2BMe Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I started dating someone a couple of months ago and things had been going well. Last week was the longest time in a row we spent together. From Wednesday to this past Monday we were together at his house. I took time off of work and he was working from home on those days. Everything had been going fine I thought. Sunday morning he woke up in an odd mood. I asked if everything was ok and he said yes. The entire day he didn't initiate any conversation with me and answered any questions or comments I had with very few words. We had bought carrot cake the day before and he didn't even serve any. I was hurt and confused so I went to bed by 9pm without saying goodnight, thinking he would at least come to me and apologize and know how awful he was making me feel but he didn't. The next morning he got up extra early as if he didn't want to be in the same bed with me and went on his computer in another room. At that point I got up and dressed in a hurry. He didn't even look up from his computer as I was getting ready to leave so I said "I'm going home now." He said "ok". As I was leaving I said "I didn't mean to overstay my welcome". I later emailed him from home asking something about his work. He had resigned that same Friday I was at his house. Several hours later he responded. SInce Monday we have been emailing back and forth but not calling and not mentioning his cold attitude. Do I bring it up or let it go and assume it was related to his work frustration? I feel uncomfortable seeing him again out of fear this might happen again and I'll get hurt again. What should I do, not do or say not say?
AriaIncognito Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Sounds to me that perhaps he was behaving weirdly because maybe his resignation from his job was getting to him. It isn't always an easy decision to make. I dont know what his situation is, if he has a new job lined up or whatever, but it's possible that maybe on sunday he woke up realizing he had no purpose on monday morning, or something. Or maybe he was thinking he made a mistake. Before assuming the worst, maybe talk to him about it. Seems like you are making it all about you and him, when it could potentially have had nothing to do with you to begin with. Jennifer
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 That sounds like mature advice. Thanks Jennifer.He doesn't have another job lined up and from our emails he doesn't regret his decision. They weren't paying him properly for all the hours he put in and he had to dispute and fight about it every week along with some other issues so he gave up. If I was the one who was resigning and he was at my house, or if any other bad thing was going on in my life not related to him, I cannot imagine ever behaving towards him the way he did towards me the whole day. He has always been upfront letting me know where we stand. I am afraid he likes me less now and if he has lost any respect for me for taking that behavior, or does he like me more for not making an issue out of it (yet).
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Ok, I'll ask him so it gets dealt with. I won't make a big scene as I was planning on, suggesting was it this comment I had said the day before or that thing I did. I won't ignore it either just to keep things calm. I really have to know and I think he has an obligation to tell me if he wants to spend any more time with me. Thanks guys.
alphamale Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Ok, I'll ask him so it gets dealt with. I won't make a big scene as I was planning on, suggesting was it this comment I had said the day before or that thing I did. its a good idea to wait a few days or a week before bringing these types of things up. after a few days you've cooled down and are more objective.
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 its a good idea to wait a few days or a week before bringing these types of things up. after a few days you've cooled down and are more objective. Awesome advice much appreciated!
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Here's an update. We emailed a couple of times today. He called me this afternoon and we talked as usual and I didn't bring up Sunday. It was our first time talking since I left with the "I've overstayed my welcome" comment and he hasn't brought it up. I think I will in person but not over the phone. He hasn't asked to see me since either which we usually do every other day and he mentioned nothing about seeing me today, by tomorrow it will be 4 days. I was reading another thread here about a girl feeling insecure about her boyfriend being on myspace. I was on myspace using his computer on Saturday. I had never mentioned to him that I am a member. I am wondering if he looked it up on his cookies or noticed and maybe that's why he suddenly was upset at me? I have a cleavage exposing picture as my ID on it with a lot of male friends. But this is all speculation. I am feeling hurt how the dynamics between us are suddenly changing. I asked about his job and he doesn't sound upset about it at all and said there is another one he is already being offered that he was happy about. I don't know what to make of it. I was hoping he would volunteer to bring up this topic of how he was being cold so he could apologize. Now I am getting upset since it is going to have to be me to bring it up and everytime I did on Sunday he would say everything's ok like women do but you could tell they're not.
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Now he hasn't called all night. When we spoke this afternoon I was in his neighborhood and he didn't offer for me to stop by which he always does in the past. I am feeling so down now. I'm not sure what initiated all this coldness and now NC.
MadDog Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Like alphamale mentioned, just ask him flat out what's going on. Tell him he doesn't seem interested in spending time with you anymore and you want to make sure everything is okay with him. Sometimes people are willing to talk about something but they won't necessarily bring it up.
Walk Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Hi F2BM. I didn't have anything to add.. Think Alpha and MadDog said it basically. I was thinking about you the other day... wondered how you were doing. Sorry to hear about the trouble your having.
Lishy Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Oh I think he has something on his mind and he is acting like this so you ask him what is wrong. Ask him
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Hi F2BM. I didn't have anything to add.. Think Alpha and MadDog said it basically. I was thinking about you the other day... wondered how you were doing. Sorry to hear about the trouble your having. How sweet Walk. I still get a message now and then from the postal worker. He's still in the back of my mind, especially now! And yes Lishy you are right I have to ask him. I have been writing all these angry emails to him then deleting them. First I will get my frustration out so I can be a calm and collected adult about it, something I'm not good at.
magda Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Not wanting to assume the worst either but I think you may in fact have overstayed your welcome. Why stay in someones house all day long without being talked to? Your being there when he obviously wanted alone time may have exacerbated the situation.
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Not wanting to assume the worst either but I think you may in fact have overstayed your welcome. Why stay in someones house all day long without being talked to? Your being there when he obviously wanted alone time may have exacerbated the situation. I honestly don't think I overstayed my welcome. I said that to him to get him to talk and tell me the real reason which he so far has not. I was devestated last night that he had not called. Today he didn't email until late in the afternoon when I was away from my computer. I usually email right back, but today it took a few hours, part of it intentionally on my part because I am upset at him. Shortly afterwards he called back and instead of oh hi honey how's your day going, it was "what are you doing" I said nothing, just some paperwork. Then he said "you know I hate it when you reply so short and paused then he said I'll talk to you later and hung up. Yes I replied in a short sentence but at least I replied and yes I do have a right to be upset if he won't talk about how cold he was Sunday then on top of it hardly calls me all week and not once at night so far. I feel so upset and am not sure what he is feeling and why the sudden change of behavior towards me. I'm scared there may be another girl in the picture.
Walk Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Have you asked him why he was cold to you yet? Maybe he isn't correlating the two occurrences. Probably thinks it's totally unrelated, and that your not telling him why. Which is damaging his male ego. Complete speculation on my part.
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 He hates to discuss personal matters that are going on in the relationship in email so through email there is no opportunity only hi how are you stuff. It's Thursday night and so far he has only called once yesterday in the afternoon for a brief hello without inviting me over after I told him I was right in his neighborhood and then now this unfriendly call. My heart feels like it has sunken. Maybe I will call him if he doesn't call me tonight? I don't know how to discuss things with him. Maybe I should tell him I think we should be friends only to see his reaction if he will be ok with it or not.
Author Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Author Posted May 5, 2006 Have you asked him why he was cold to you yet? Maybe he isn't correlating the two occurrences. Probably thinks it's totally unrelated, and that your not telling him why. Which is damaging his male ego. Complete speculation on my part. I kept asking him why on Sunday while he was acting that way but he kept saying everything was ok. There has been no opportunity to ask since. This is the first whole week that has gone by that he hasn't called once in the evenings when we used to talk for hours before. After his rude phone call in the afternoon yesterday, he didn't call last night and it has been very hurtful. He emailed this afternoon but it was very brief and nothing personal. I have not responded and am thinking I should do NC maybe so that he will see that I am hurt by his actions. I don't know what else to do and don't want to make it worse either by NC. Any suggestions?
crazy_grl Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 Call and ask him what's going on! Going NC or telling him you just want to be friends is silly when all you really want to know is what's up with him. Ask him, and if you're not satisfied with his answer or you don't believe it, then you can decide to be friends or go NC. But don't do it without giving him a chance to explain himself.
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