mystified Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Why is it, that when BF gets his way, and he has taken everything away, friends, family, phone, outside activities, money, pretty much everything, wins no matter what, why is it that they still want more? Dont they have enough already? Why is it when you have FINALLY made them your whole entire world because there was nothing left anymore to focus on, why do they get mad when you focus on them?! Why do they get mad when you get mad that they leave you behind in the house, cleaning, cooking, watching TV and you want to be with them because now they are all you have? Why do they resort to lying and being pissed off?? After all, they were the ones that created this madness....and even after the apparent torture that they go through with you, the crying, the calling them every 2 minutes, the fights, you would think they would let up, and set you free again, let you have your friends, call them, go out, anything to to get you off their back and focused on something else besides them, but it seems they always get worse...about everything.... And they dont understand why you are so hostile with them because according to them, your life is good now because when they found you, you had nothing, no money, no house, no nothing....so you should be happy because now you have a home, money (even if they do take it away from you) you never want for nothing, you are always fed, and have nice clothes, what more could you want?? help me understand this madness.....
Pyro Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 You just have the wrong idea about men. Yes, there are some out there who you described perfectly. Stay away from them. The first indication of that behavior that you get from a guy, you are to walk away immediately. We are not all like that.
KittenMoon Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Why is it, that when BF gets his way, and he has taken everything away, friends, family, phone, outside activities, money, pretty much everything, wins no matter what, why is it that they still want more? Dont they have enough already? Why is it when you have FINALLY made them your whole entire world because there was nothing left anymore to focus on, why do they get mad when you focus on them?! Why do they get mad when you get mad that they leave you behind in the house, cleaning, cooking, watching TV and you want to be with them because now they are all you have? Why do they resort to lying and being pissed off?? After all, they were the ones that created this madness....and even after the apparent torture that they go through with you, the crying, the calling them every 2 minutes, the fights, you would think they would let up, and set you free again, let you have your friends, call them, go out, anything to to get you off their back and focused on something else besides them, but it seems they always get worse...about everything.... And they dont understand why you are so hostile with them because according to them, your life is good now because when they found you, you had nothing, no money, no house, no nothing....so you should be happy because now you have a home, money (even if they do take it away from you) you never want for nothing, you are always fed, and have nice clothes, what more could you want?? help me understand this madness..... Because this type of guy is controlling and emotionally abusive. You'd be better off finding someone else.
Pyro Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Because this type of guy is controlling and emotionally abusive. You'd be better off finding someone else. Might I add because he is immature, selfish and he doesn't know how to express his feelings in a humane way.
tinktronik Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I think that the problem is more that you need to have your own life , Make some friends get a hobby and stop relying so much for companionship from your b/f .Its not healthy.
Skeered Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I agree with KittenMoon...if this is the kind of guy you are with you are with the WRONG guy...
Author mystified Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 But why do they do this???? And then get mad at you??? Dont they think logically, that OF COURSE you are going to focus all of your attention on them, because they took everyone and every friggen thing away from you???????? and even if they didnt know it was going to turn out like this, after they saw what happens when they take everything away, and they seem to be so miserable, like you, the always nagging never happy GF, why would they still continue taking every possible thing they possibly could away from you???? why??? They know the more they crack down and restrict you, the more you are going to be demanding of their prescence because you are now all they really have....they do it to themselves...but why?? And then when you try to break out of this insane system, they use revenge tactics against you, knowing you are still weak and unsure ...implying that maybe they "just wont come home at all" tomorrow night when you ask to go out for a 10 minute walk
Author mystified Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 I think that the problem is more that you need to have your own life , Make some friends get a hobby and stop relying so much for companionship from your b/f .Its not healthy I dont think everything is so cut and dry like that. Of course I am sure that is the intention to begin with, but somehow, the longer you stay, the more you get hooked, the harder it becomes, the more ensnared you become, and if he is taking everything away from you, how are you supposed to have your own life, friends, and hobby??? It wasnt like one day he comes home and says "okay, no more friends, life or hobbies. From now on, I am your sole source of life and pleasure"...its not that obvious. It is a long journey of erosion.
Skeered Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 But why do they do this???? And then get mad at you??? Dont they think logically, that OF COURSE you are going to focus all of your attention on them, because they took everyone and every friggen thing away from you???????? and even if they didnt know it was going to turn out like this, after they saw what happens when they take everything away, and they seem to be so miserable, like you, the always nagging never happy GF, why would they still continue taking every possible thing they possibly could away from you???? why??? They know the more they crack down and restrict you, the more you are going to be demanding of their prescence because you are now all they really have....they do it to themselves...but why?? And then when you try to break out of this insane system, they use revenge tactics against you, knowing you are still weak and unsure ...implying that maybe they "just wont come home at all" tomorrow night when you ask to go out for a 10 minute walk Because that is how they gain control...it's called mental abuse...
Pyro Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I dont think everything is so cut and dry like that. Of course I am sure that is the intention to begin with, but somehow, the longer you stay, the more you get hooked, the harder it becomes, the more ensnared you become, and if he is taking everything away from you, how are you supposed to have your own life, friends, and hobby??? It wasnt like one day he comes home and says "okay, no more friends, life or hobbies. From now on, I am your sole source of life and pleasure"...its not that obvious. It is a long journey of erosion. You must be able to balance the two. It can be difficult for some, myself in the past. You must be able to have time for your S.O. and time for your friends. If your S.O. is going to think different, then he/she is unhealthy and staying with the indidvidual will only bring you down.
KittenMoon Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 But why do they do this???? I'm gonna say this simply: This is not love. He does not LOVE you, he just WANTS you. It does not matter why he does it- it is causing you severe pain and completely denying you any life at all. You have every right to have a life and you never will if you stay with this guy.
Author mystified Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Make some friends get a hobby and stop relying so much for companionship from your b/f .Its not healthy. How, when he takes your money, your car keys, (and you quite obviously dont give these things to him) and your purse? And those are blunt things. What about when he just ties up your time, has you doing other things, where it doesnt seem like it is controlling, but it really is?
Pyro Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 But why do they do this???? And then get mad at you??? Dont they think logically, that OF COURSE you are going to focus all of your attention on them, because they took everyone and every friggen thing away from you???????? and even if they didnt know it was going to turn out like this, after they saw what happens when they take everything away, and they seem to be so miserable, like you, the always nagging never happy GF, why would they still continue taking every possible thing they possibly could away from you???? why??? They know the more they crack down and restrict you, the more you are going to be demanding of their prescence because you are now all they really have....they do it to themselves...but why?? And then when you try to break out of this insane system, they use revenge tactics against you, knowing you are still weak and unsure ...implying that maybe they "just wont come home at all" tomorrow night when you ask to go out for a 10 minute walk I personally don't know anyone like this but if someone were to act this way is because they have some sort of chemical imbalance in their brain. These type can not and should not be in relationships.
Author mystified Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Because that is how they gain control...it's called mental abuse... Do you guys think they know what they are doing?? Do you think they know that they are being mentally abusive??? Or is it done subconciously. By the way, this isnt me that is going through all of this, this is what I have observed.
Pyro Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Do you guys think they know what they are doing?? Do you think they know that they are being mentally abusive??? Or is it done subconciously. By the way, this isnt me that is going through all of this, this is what I have observed. For a guy who is a straight up as$hole, yes he knows but someone who may have a chemical imbalance may not realize it.
Author mystified Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 I wonder how they couldnt realize it, especially when it is thrown in their face. I know that there are many of you on LS who have dealt with this type of abuse in the past and maybe even present. How do/did you cope with all this without leaving? What did you do to escape this madness?? Read a book? How did you live through this?
tinktronik Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 How, when he takes your money, your car keys, (and you quite obviously dont give these things to him) and your purse? And those are blunt things. What about when he just ties up your time, has you doing other things, where it doesnt seem like it is controlling, but it really is? Yes it is that obvious .Your allowing him to do all of these things.Stop allowing it ,it really is as simple as that .Don't do it anymore.
tinktronik Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I wonder how they couldnt realize it, especially when it is thrown in their face. I know that there are many of you on LS who have dealt with this type of abuse in the past and maybe even present. How do/did you cope with all this without leaving? What did you do to escape this madness?? Read a book? How did you live through this? There is no way to do it without leaveing. To escape the madness the only thing you can do is leave.
Author mystified Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Its not I who is going through this right now, I just cant offer any more advice then I possibly have.....Leave was one of the first things I said. But apparently that is not an option, so her slowly going insane, what is left to do? I guess her funds are severly tied up in his clutches, shes afraid to leave, to go anywhere right now, the best she can do is call me from work.
tinktronik Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Its not I who is going through this right now, I just cant offer any more advice then I possibly have.....Leave was one of the first things I said. But apparently that is not an option, so her slowly going insane, what is left to do? I guess her funds are severly tied up in his clutches, shes afraid to leave, to go anywhere right now, the best she can do is call me from work. As long as she stays there is no anwser.She either deals with it or leaves. Theres nothing you can do, eventually she will have to make a descision for herself.
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