Walk Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Sorry she gave you the brush off MadDog. I was really hoping it wasn't that, and there was a good reason for it. I didn't see anything wrong with no kisses in 4 dates. But I'll hold off kissing someone for a long while. So it didn't seem like that big of a flag to me. So... it's MadDog out prowling the scenes again? Breaking girls hearts and scaring the others? Ha .. j/k.
Adunaphel Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I am sorry that she did not call or return your text. People unfortunately can be that immature even in their late 40's or 50's, so it's not really an age problem. It must have been quite a disappointment, I hope the next girl you date will have more manners. I know this stuff happens a lot, yet it's rude.
TeaCooler Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Most women in their 20s are not ready to be exclusive with one guy. They wanna play around and experience different people. and when have you ever been a woman in her mid-20's? please. we don't need you as a spokesperson.
TeaCooler Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Behaving like WHAT? It hasn't even been 48 hours yet. You posted this at 36 hours. You haven't even KISSED her yet. How does that make her rude, immature, of laden with "deep issues"?? Jeeezus. i agree. i think there's a lot of overreaction going on. and just because she logged onto myspace doesn't mean a thing.
magda Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I don't see what's so bad about it. I guess she shouldn't have said she'd call later. Maybe she thought she would at the time. I don't think 4 dates and no exclusivity needs much explanation, honestly. I've always thought the drop-off was explanation enough. Probably if you didn't "get it" and kept calling she'd have explained, but since you do, why bother? That's the game you play.
Yamaha Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 You see, she has it in her head that you want her, so she'll keep that going to feed her ego while she goes out with other men--who probably don't have to wait 4 dates for a kiss (or more) either. She is setting you up to be her doormat. Amen, brother!!! She knows how into her you are and she will use this if you let her. Don't call her again and if she calls blow her off. This will drive her crazy but do you really want a gal who acts like you will be there when/if SHE gets around to you?
Art_Critic Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I dated a girl that as soon as she knew that it was going nowhere would just cut bait.. She used to laugh about it too. As soon as she detached from it all she just blew them off. Never to speak to them again It sounds like this is what happened.. and yes it is immature.. Karma Baby.. one day a guy that she falls for will treat her the same way
Alexandra Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Karma Baby.. one day a guy that she falls for will treat her the same way Please A_C, stop calling MadDog "baby", it's disturbing.
johan Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Karma Baby.. one day a guy that she falls for will treat her the same way Whenever I think or hear something like this, it makes me wonder what if that never happens? Maybe it won't. Somehow this is supposed to make a difference to how he should feel about it, but there really is no way it could. Karma implies the universe keeps a log of what people do, evaluates it, adds it up and then smacks them with payback at some point. That implies the universe even gives a damn at all. I mean it's a nice thought, but so what? Sometimes you just have to let people go. You don't always get to choose how they leave you. There are immature morons out there for sure, but it's perverse to complain that they drift away. Maybe you should be happy about it. At least she isn't leading you on. She doesn't owe you anything. Not even common courtesy. One thing that has helped me: don't assume you know anything about what is really going on with someone else. Don't take things personally, unless they come out and specifically make it personal. Unless that happens, the safe bet is that it has nothing to do with you at all. And don't fault people for immaturity, weakness or lack of courage. Letting those things upset you can't possibly put you in a good state of mind considering that every person has those problems at some point and you're pretty much surrounded by it all the time. Pick any thread on this forum and read it closely, if you want evidence. Sorry if I ranted, but I'm in a venting mood, and this is where it happened.
Author MadDog Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 So I get a text from the chick a couple hours ago and it says something to the effect of "Hey, how's it going? Hope you're having a great day!" She's making it seem like the last 24 hours never happened or something. WTF? She didn't say, "I just got out jail" or "I was abducted by aliens." Basically a one day disappearance followed by acting like everything's normal. I'm not sure what to make of this or what the correct course of action is. I'm not going to text her back or call her. She normally calls me after work so we'll see if she does that tonight. I have 3 main options if she does call: 1. Blow her off and not answer her calls and not call her back. 2. Talk to her and ask for an explanation. 3. Talk to her and pretend like I barely noticed her disappearance act. I'm beginning to suspect that she feels like we were moving too fast and this was her immature way of slowing things down. I'll probably play it by ear and do what I think is appropriate at the time. And I have to disagree with those who say she has no obligation to call me or tell me what's up. If you say you're gonna call someone right back and don't, and then you don't hear from them the whole next day, that's pretty rude. I mean, I was genuinely worried about her for a while. I'm not saying she's obligated to talk to me everday because she's not but I think in the specific situation that occurred, she should have at least sent a text saying, "Sorry I didn't get to call you back" the next day.
Art_Critic Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 3. Talk to her and pretend like I barely noticed her disappearance act. I would do this if you can let this go and move forward.. Keep an eye out for any other issues than you feel are not healthy for you.. If you can't let it go then you have no choice but to clear the air if you want to go out with her.
tinktronik Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 #3 , its a normal girl thing to talk for a while and say they'll call back , but they don't actually call back for a day or so . At least this is what all my female friends and relatives do.
crazy_grl Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 She may have just forgotten she was supposed to call you back. I've done that at least a few times. The fact that she didn't return your call and didn't return your text seems like she might not be as interested in you as you are in her. That doesn't mean she's not interested at all though. You might be right about it being her way of slowing down the relationship. Maybe it's immature, but in my experience, if you try and talk to a guy about these kinds of things that early in a relationship they tend to freak out. I think you should pull back for now.
KnowHowLoveFeels Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 MadDog, Honestly, I think you were overreacting toward her "disappearing act". Get a grip of yourself. Choose #3... and be sure you kiss her on your next date!!! Aargh!!
tinktronik Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Maddog, you know how to behave in a new relationship , now do it.
Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 How about the next time she calls you, say you're in the middle of doing x and you'll call her back in half an hour. She'll wait half hour, one hour, two hour. There will be no call or explanation.
Author MadDog Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 I agree. She was setting up boundaries non-verbally, and I think she was wise to do so... Sheesh, I mean, look at how you reacted at 24 hours of no contact - you totally wigged out. Mad Dog - gotta say, I am genuinely surprised by this behavior from you. I think your reaction to this ONE instance of not calling you back, when less than 48 hours after she said she would she's BACK in contact with you, is just out of control. If she only knew what you were thinking/posting... ((Sigh)) Okay, okay. Take me to the crucifix. I never realized there was a 48 hour rule. I still think it's rude to do what she did but I probably just have different standards than some other people. If I say I'll do something, I do it. If I end up not being able to for some unforseen circumstance, I'll apologize. Before I read everyone's response just now, I also concluded that option #3 makes the most sense. I'm definately going to pull back some though and not make hanging out with her such a priority. Again, not calling me for a whole day isn't even that big of a deal to me. It's the whole "I'll call you right back" and then not calling which got to me. Now I know what to expect from her so it won't phase me if it happens again. I think she's interested in me but she's hesitant to get too serious. I like the girl but it doesn't necessarily mean I'm ready to jump into a relationship either. I'll just play it cool and see how things turn out. Thinking on your feet is an important skill in relationships.
Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I used to be with a guy and after seeing each other the next morning when I would be leaving he'd say "I'll talk to you later." Most of the time he wouldn't call that day and I would get upset. Then one time when he said "I'll talk to you later" as I was leaving, I got angry and said he always says that and sometimes doesn't call. I felt stupid because he said it was just a figure of speach to say bye to me and he didn't mean literally that day we'd be talking again. So I know how frustrating it is when someone says they'll talk or call back and they don't.
TeaCooler Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I think she's interested in me but she's hesitant to get too serious. if she's too hesitant to get serious, she thinks kissing is serious. and a girl who doesn't want to kiss you doesn't know if she likes you. usually.
Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 if she's too hesitant to get serious, she thinks kissing is serious. and a girl who doesn't want to kiss you doesn't know if she likes you. usually. I agree. If I'm not too into a guy even though we are having a great time, I won't kiss yet. What if you are not initiating the kissing? Have you tried? I would never initiate a first kiss and might even get upset if the someone I like who I am dating hasn't attempted to give me a kiss after 4 dates.
ImWithHim Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Oh. My. God. Some of you make these things way too complicated. If you like the girl, call her. If she ignores you, find a new girl! What is with all the games people play?? If you're interested, tell her and then move on if she doesn't start participating! This game playing of "I'll give her such and such hours to call me back, then I'll text her and see if she responds. I'll then give her such and such hours and try one last phone call. Then I'll try to move on and if she calls me back, I'll wait 24 hours to call her back...or maybe I won't call her back at all...maybe I'll make her call my twice...and maybe an e-mail would be better than a phone call..." That BS would drive me absolutely nuts.
obsession Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Maddog, I'd say this is just overreaction. I have been guilty to doing this to my friends, but it doesn't mean anything. I honestly think that it's an inherent difference between guys and girls. If I tell my friends that I'll call them (or that they'll call me), it's pretty much known that we'll just call sometime that week or the next week (unless we make set plans). I am close to my brother too, and he never gets it when I don't call my friends (guys or girls) back the same day since he does. If she does it often, then maybe you should watch out for red flags/lack of interest, but I wouldn't be too concerned about the timing of the call as long as long she gets back in touch with you. (And yes, unless she wants to slow things down a bit). Maybe you should just ask her directly if you're not sure where it's going and you want it to go somewhere?
Author MadDog Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 Maybe you should just ask her directly if you're not sure where it's going and you want it to go somewhere? I think it's too early for that. I thought the natural flow of our interactions was leading to a relationship but it doesn't mean I'm necessarily ready for a commitment myself. I'm totally fine if we take our time and go out for weeks to months before we decide on a relationship. At the same time, waiting that long for a kiss would be ridiculous. I'm definately going to go for it the next time we hang out. The kiss will answer a lot as far as where this is going and how much potential there really is.
johan Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I guarantee you've been thinking about this WAY more than she has.
Fun2BMe Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I guarantee you've been thinking about this WAY more than she has. She's the one putting more thought into it as far as telling him she'll call then calculating not to.
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