How can a girl in her mid 20's be this immature?

May 3, 2006

So as a lot of you know, I've been dating a girl for the past 2 weeks. We went out on 4 dates and everything seemed to be going well although the physical aspect was going pretty slow (e.g. no kiss after 4 dates.) We were talking every night and I thought we'd probably end up in a relationship.

Well not last night but the one before, we're talking late in the evening as usual (after she got off work). She was in her car driving home and things are totally normal. We're planning our next date, etc. She gets home and says she'll call me back in a little while once she gets comfortable. She never called back that night.

So I figure she was just tired and fell asleep. No big deal. I expect to get a call or text the next morning saying, "Sorry I didn't call you back, I fell asleep" but nothing. So I sent her a text during the day asking her is everything alright, etc. and nothing. I finally call her in the evening and she doesn't pick up--I don't bother leaving a message cause I realized by then she was blowing me off!

I seriously can't believe a woman in her mid 20's can be this immature. I mean, if she had just said, "Hey. You seem like a cool person but I think we'd be better off as friends," no big deal. I can handle that and would barely be bothered by it. If she had slowly stopped getting back to me and I had to learn of her disinterest that way, okay, that's less mature but fine. To completely cut contact like this out of the blue while pretending to be cool with me is just completely lame and immature. I really can't begin to fathom what's going on in her head.

Any thoughts on this? How does someone get so immature?

May 3, 2006

I'm in my mid 20s and sometimes I feel as though I have alot of growing to do.

But I guess I could venture a viewpoint.

It blows that she said she would call and she did not. That was just a waste of your time and she should not have made you wait at all.

However, I've been in a few situations where males were interested and I was not really. I was also very preoccupied with other things to do. So with being very busy, and not being very interested in the male, I would just not respond as much and slowly cut communication down to a minimum. I think its the "easy" way out instead of saying, "speaking to you makes me uncomfortable". However I'm also a generally affable person so when someone says hi to me I usually have a short conversation back. I'm not sure whether this encourages them. sad to say, it is the easy way out and most of us have been guilty of it at some time or the other.

Good luck and don't feel too miffed

May 3, 2006

You're absolutely positive it's only because she's blowing you off? Her phone didn't break? Her mother didn't just die? She didn't get attacked and mugged by burglars on her way into her house?

Might want to give the benefit of the doubt for a little longer than 24 hours before jumping on the "she's ditching me" band wagon.... After 48 though, feel free to.

I'd been dating a guy for about 2 weeks... same scenario you're talking about... long talks, dates, no kisses as of yet... everything going great... Then I suddenly stopped returning his calls and seemed to drop off the face of the planet.... I'd gotten into an accident and broken my back. Kind of had other things on my mind at the time. I did call him about a week after the accident and let him know what was going on....

May 3, 2006

It's quite telling when someone gets bent out of shape if their romantic interest doesn't call right when they say they will... especially without thinking beyond the *oh, she's immature* crapola.

It's possible that she may have DIED, or may have a family CRISIS, or perhaps her house burned down - any of those would take priority over a budding relationship.

Then again... it could just be the simple *I'm just not into you, so there*.

Personally... anyone who deems someone as *immature* over a simple call that wasn't made and being narrowminded over it either has ego issues, insecurity issues, or perhaps both.

May 3, 2006

So as a lot of you know, I've been dating a girl for the past 2 weeks. We went out on 4 dates and everything seemed to be going well although the physical aspect was going pretty slow (e.g. no kiss after 4 dates.) We were talking every night and I thought we'd probably end up in a relationship.

Nope. If after four dates you haven't kissed her, you are probably never going to. The fact that you talked to her every night is a huge red-flag for this also. You're her buddy.

Well not last night but the one before, we're talking late in the evening as usual (after she got off work). She was in her car driving home and things are totally normal. We're planning our next date, etc. She gets home and says she'll call me back in a little while once she gets comfortable. She never called back that night.

You should have never called her again after that. If she says that she'll call you and doesn't, she is losing respect for you. Think about it: You are into her, so you tried several times to get a hold of her. If she was into you, wouldn't she have done that?

So I figure she was just tired and fell asleep. No big deal. I expect to get a call or text the next morning saying, "Sorry I didn't call you back, I fell asleep" but nothing. So I sent her a text during the day asking her is everything alright, etc. and nothing. I finally call her in the evening and she doesn't pick up--I don't bother leaving a message cause I realized by then she was blowing me off!

Yep, she is blowing you off. But, she doesn't want to confront you with it, because at some point she may ned a shoulder to cry on, and she may want to pick you for that. Remember, too, that the more you call the lamer she thinks you are.

I seriously can't believe a woman in her mid 20's can be this immature.

Women in their 30's are this immature.

I mean, if she had just said, "Hey. You seem like a cool person but I think we'd be better off as friends," no big deal. I can handle that and would barely be bothered by it.

It's funny you mention that. Women aren't rejected as often or in the same way men are, so it seems that they don't realize that the "blow off" hurts way more than just being up-front. That is, if she is doing this to spare your feelings. Chances are she isn't, she's just inconsiderate.

If she had slowly stopped getting back to me and I had to learn of her disinterest that way, okay, that's less mature but fine. To completely cut contact like this out of the blue while pretending to be cool with me is just completely lame and immature. I really can't begin to fathom what's going on in her head.

Do yourself a favor and don't try. The only thing you need to know is that for whatever reason she doesn't want to talk to you anymore, and now you know that she isn't a very nice person, so you are way better off. Be glad this happened now instead of a few weeks from now when it would really hurt.

Any thoughts on this? How does someone get so immature?

Don't call her again. If she is true to form, after a few weeks she'll call you, tell you how much she misses you, and give you a ton of lame excuses for blowing you off. She'll also feign concern about you (that may even be the pretext for calling), and blah blah blah. She'll be like she was before for a few days, and then she'll cut you off again. She will do this as long as you are in contact with her.

You see, she has it in her head that you want her, so she'll keep that going to feed her ego while she goes out with other men--who probably don't have to wait 4 dates for a kiss (or more) either. She is setting you up to be her doormat.

The only excuses I would accept for her behavior is if she couldn't talk to you because she had to have emergency surgery, was in jail, a close family member died or something like that. Short of that, when you do talk to her again, firmly but nicely tell her where to get off.

If you see her out, be nice, but stay away from her and whatever you do fight the urge to look in her direction. Women like this have ways of getting you hooked that border on mind control. Trust me, I know. It's horrible. Nothing good comes from it on your end, except betrayal, anguish, and eventual bitterness.

May 3, 2006

If you've been talking every night and she suddenly just stopped and didn't call back when she said, well of course you have a right to an explanation. No doubt about it. No matter WHAT the reason for what she did, she does owe you an explanation under the circumstances. If she doesn't call or contact you to give you one, then yes, she's very immature and you're better off finding that out now.

Just for your information, yes, mid-twenty girls can be VERY immature. I was one of those I'm embarassed to admit.

May 3, 2006

It's quite telling when someone gets bent out of shape if their romantic interest doesn't call right when they say they will... especially without thinking beyond the *oh, she's immature* crapola.

It is an excellent sign of lack of respect. All these thigns start small. It would be one thing to not call that night, but in the morning (or earliest convenient time) an apology call would be in order, no? He has tried several times to find out what happened, and she is not taking his calls.

It's possible that she may have DIED, or may have a family CRISIS, or perhaps her house burned down - any of those would take priority over a budding relationship.

True. Such occurences are rare, however. And if it were me and there was a woman I was interested in, I would fire off a call as soon as I could to let her know what was going on, especially if she had tried to contact me several times.

Then again... it could just be the simple *I'm just not into you, so there*.

Personally... anyone who deems someone as *immature* over a simple call that wasn't made and being narrowminded over it either has ego issues, insecurity issues, or perhaps both.

Interesting point. Is it immature to be inconsiderate? I don't think that it belies ego issues to expect to be treated with respect. I see it as common courtesy to be as up front as possible about things, simply because that is how I like to be treated.

Every time I tried to give people the benefit of the doubt in this type of situation I ended up hurt and battered and frustrated. Every single time. So, now if you don't call when you say you are going to, that's it.

That is not to say that if the next morning I get an "I'm sorry" call I don't forgive and forget and no big deal, because I do. But I wait for them to call me. Nobody is worth grovelling for.

May 3, 2006

It is an excellent sign of lack of respect. All these thigns start small. It would be one thing to not call that night, but in the morning (or earliest convenient time) an apology call would be in order, no? He has tried several times to find out what happened, and she is not taking his calls.

It CAN be... but not necessarily so. Take Walk's example.

Why do people always assume the negative of every situation? Why is that the universal default? If so-and-so doesn't do X I think Y and they are Z... where is the open-mindedness?

Interesting point. Is it immature to be inconsiderate? I don't think that it belies ego issues to expect to be treated with respect. I see it as common courtesy to be as up front as possible about things, simply because that is how I like to be treated.

But you're only looking at it from the standpoint of her not calling simply because she is selfish, immature, etc. You are not allowing for other possibilities and THAT is the point I was making.

Every time I tried to give people the benefit of the doubt in this type of situation I ended up hurt and battered and frustrated. Every single time. So, now if you don't call when you say you are going to, that's it.

I agree - that sucks. However, not EVERYONE is like that. You have to treat every new person that comes into your life as if they have a clean slate and not allow your negative past experiences to distort your views of the new person.

May 3, 2006

I'm not sure i'd buy the "my (insert relative here) just died" excuse because well, my grandfather passed away two weeks ago, and one of the first people I contacted, was the guy I'm seeing. Usually, when you're seeing someone, and you lose someone close to you, you contact them for support. Sure, it could depend on how serious the relationship is, but still, i wouldn't think that to be that huge an excuse.

Phone dying, well, there are other methods of communication. Email. Snail mail. Pay phones. Work phones. Etc. It's fine to give the benefit of the doubt for a day or two, but to go beyond that with these excuses, more than likely, is pointless. Sure, there's a rare chance that something has happened to the person youre seeing, but I think that shot pretty slim. The fact that she'd not kissed, after what 4 dates, seems odd to me. Even a peck on the lips would have been something. On my first date with my current, i just pecked him quick on the lips at the end of the night. I wasn't sure what i wanted at that point, and the moment was awkward, but still I did that. Seems almost common courtesy to show some sort of appreciation, if you liked the guy, but aren't 100% sure of where you think things will go.

I guess I'm babbling at this point. Hopefully I've made some sense...

Good luck MadDog, I know you were into this girl...

Jennifer

May 3, 2006

You're absolutely positive it's only because she's blowing you off? Her phone didn't break? Her mother didn't just die? She didn't get attacked and mugged by burglars on her way into her house?

That's actually exactly what I thought of as well. What makes you so sure she's okay MadDog?

May 3, 2006

I'm sorry that happened. Some people just suck. I guess it's possible that something happened and that's why you haven't heard from her. But the same theory that applies to guys also applies to girls. If they want to get in touch, they do. She's a fool to let you go.

May 3, 2006

He has tried several times to find out what happened, and she is not taking his calls.

He text once, and called once without leaving a message. I'd hardly call that "several" times. If her cell died, how would she know he sent her a text? And he didn't leave a voice message, so how's she know he called?

True. Such occurences are rare, however. And if it were me and there was a woman I was interested in, I would fire off a call as soon as I could to let her know what was going on, especially if she had tried to contact me several times.

And you're saying that if something major happened to you, a close relative dies, you get in an accident, that you your first priority would be to call a person you dated for a whole two weeks?

I have to agree with Smooch's post.

May 3, 2006

It CAN be... but not necessarily so. Take Walk's example.

Why do people always assume the negative of every situation? Why is that the universal default? If so-and-so doesn't do X I think Y and they are Z... where is the open-mindedness?

We learn from past experience, I suppose. I've never experienced it where someone had some horrible tragedy or whatever. And I do give the benefit of the doubt as far as my feelings go, but I still wait for them to call. It's like, "Well, you said you'd call me back, so I'll wait for you to decide when that call is going to come. My toes are tapping either way."

But you're only looking at it from the standpoint of her not calling simply because she is selfish, immature, etc. You are not allowing for other possibilities and THAT is the point I was making.

That is exactly correct, and you make an excellent point. I was commenting on this in an "all things being equal" sort of way. The bad explanation (from his side) is the more likely one, in my experience. Sad but true.

I agree - that sucks. However, not EVERYONE is like that. You have to treat every new person that comes into your life as if they have a clean slate and not allow your negative past experiences to distort your views of the new person.

That is true. But by not calling him, she is demonstrating what type of person she is, is she not? Whether that is immature or inconsiderate or whatever. That is why I find it best to wait for them to call me. If you want to talk to me, great, if you don't, so much the easier for both of us.

Situations like this are so odd. It's like you hope it was something horrible that kept her from calling, but at the same time you don't want anything horrible to happen to her. So weird.

May 3, 2006

I'm not sure i'd buy the "my (insert relative here) just died" excuse because well, my grandfather passed away two weeks ago, and one of the first people I contacted, was the guy I'm seeing. Usually, when you're seeing someone, and you lose someone close to you, you contact them for support. Sure, it could depend on how serious the relationship is, but still, i wouldn't think that to be that huge an excuse.

Depends on how long you've know that person, the level of trust established, the persons ability to trust others in situations.. etc. Like I said, when I got in a bad accident, I didn't immediately call the guy I was dating. I didn't want to put him in a situation where he had to deal with my problems when we still hardly knew each other. So even though I really liked him, he wasn't the first person I called.

MadDog: Do you have a mutual friend you could ask? Just to ensure that your conclusion is the reality, and that she's really okay.

May 3, 2006

He text once, and called once without leaving a message. I'd hardly call that "several" times. If her cell died, how would she know he sent her a text? And he didn't leave a voice message, so how's she know he called?

Caller ID. And I got the impression that he did leave her voicemails. Perhaps I read too fast. And if her cell died, there are landlines still around. Again, if it were me I'd use one pronto.

And you're saying that if something major happened to you, a close relative dies, you get in an accident, that you your first priority would be to call a person you dated for a whole two weeks?

I have to agree with Smooch's post.

Actually, yes. I was just getting to know my current girlfriend when I got sick, and when I got out of the OR and was coherent enough to speak I asked my mom to call her and explain that I was ok and that I'd call her as soon as I was up to it. She could only get a hold of me through my work cell at the time. I was aware of this, and wanted to make sure she knew what was up. There have also been times where I am in the middle of some hectic stuff, and yet I still answer the phone, if only to say "it's hectic, I'll call when I can." Maybe I am a little hypersensitive to things like his situation because I am like that.

May 3, 2006

MadDog: Do you have a mutual friend you could ask? Just to ensure that your conclusion is the reality, and that she's really okay.

I agree - he should do a bit more checking before jumping to conclusions.

May 3, 2006

Yeah Dude, maybe she didn't make it home.

Go over there and see what's up.

May 3, 2006

She's alive. I just checked her myspace page and she logged in today. That tells me nothing bad has happened (no family death, etc.) That's all the closure I need.

May 3, 2006

That sucks dude. I had that happen to me after 2 or 3 months together (can't quite remember how long). It's a good thing you were taking it slow, it really sucks when someone you're sleeping with all of a sudden disappears. When something like this happens you really have to remember that it's most definitely not you, it's them!

May 3, 2006

You mean: "How can a girl (in her mid 20's) be this bi***y?

You have nothing to lose. You can text her that she is too whimpy and disrespectful to tell you she's no longer interested but you're not and are telling her you are no longer interested in seeing her.

May 3, 2006

You have nothing to lose. You can text her that she is too whimpy and disrespectful to tell you she's no longer interested but you're not and are telling her you are no longer interested in seeing her.

Sure, I could text her and tell her that but I could accomplish the same thing by not contacting her anymore. I do have something to lose by sending her a message like that: my personal integrity.

She might be immature and lame but that doesn't mean I should stop acting like a gentleman. Being mature means being able to maintain your composure when other people are being immature and deserve to be told off.

Frankly, what happened isn't that big of a deal. I'm sure it happens all the time. I guess the surprise factor was what caught me off guard. I know everyone's going to bring up the whole no kisses in 4 dates thing but everything else was going really well. We held hands all the time, laughed at each other's jokes, she always sounded enthusiastic to talk to me, etc. I'm sure there are some, although not many, people who don't kiss for a whle.

I'm sure she's got some sort of deep issues to behave like this. She probably saw I was a decent guy who she could get into a serious relationship and that scared her. I'm not being conceited by saying this but I have a lot going for me. I'm tall, good-looking, personable, fun, good at conversation, and have a killer career ahead of me. Ironically if I were a bum with no future and somewhat of a tool, I probably would have gotten further cause then she'd know she would never have to take me seriously.

May 3, 2006

I'm sorry dear. She wasn't smart enough for you anyway.

May 3, 2006

Well, then to answer your question..... She's in her twenties! LOL!!

Don't flame me you all!

May 3, 2006

Well, then to answer your question..... She's in her twenties! LOL!!

Don't flame me you all!

Most women in their 20s are not ready to be exclusive with one guy. They wanna play around and experience different people. This girl either didn't feel a strong enough connection to be exclusive with Fido or just wants to play the field. Nothing to get anguished over though.

May 3, 2006

Yeah i agree. let it go and not to attribute too much blame or anything. It does not matter whether she was immature, or whether something happened. Or what exactly is going through her mind.

Are you certain you want her to be the mother of your babies? If not *shrugz*

It was for a brief period of time, in the big scheme of things its really not a big deal.

*I find relaxing and not getting worked up about things very restful for the mind*

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How can a girl in her mid 20's be this immature?

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