stars and fights Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I'm sorry this is so lengthy.... my boyfriend and I have been together for 7 months. It started off casually and grew into something neither of us would have expected. For the last 3 months I have known that I'm in love with him but felt that he wasn't ready so I wouldn't dare say it outloud. Something happened a month ago, we went on our first vacation together and although we both had an amazing time, after we got back, I started to get freaked out. I knew he was under a lot of pressure at work (not to mention how much money he just spent on vay-cay) and I kept taking his mood as a reflection of how he falt about ME. I could see myself picking fights over the dumbest things but they all held root to me feeling insecure about the way he flet about me (he's not one to tell me how he feels even though he is always showing me) last week we got into one of those fights that lasts all night and you forget what started it (me). I apologized the next day and thought we ha moved on. Untill...last night when he came over and said he thinks we should break up for now. I asked why ( I was floored, last thinkg I ever expected, I thought he was joking) and he said after this long he should be in love with me and he's not. I let him go and an hour later showed up at his door yelling "BULLs***!" I told him I wasn't going to let him do this because I know he loves me, I know we're good and I wanted to work it out. We talked about our problems all night and agreed to work them out. He also told me he loves me (a first) but it;s hard to feel in love woth someone when they're always hurting you. I am confident that I can get over myself and stop getting in "I need attention" fights but I didn't know if I could get over him breaking up with me. Who wants to feel like they're convincing someone to be with them even IF they know that the relationship is happy and real and amazing. I decided that we need to take a couple of weeks apart to see how we feel about eachother, to see if he misses me enough to work through this and if I can move on from him hurting me so much. I know he will miss me, well at least part of me does. If he doesn't then I shouldn't be with him anyways right? I'm scared that he's gonna love life without fights and I'll never get a chance to show him the me that doesn't pick them. It has taken me so long to fall in love and now that I have, I might lose him. I am terrified. any word of advise?
Guest Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 with my gf. We're taking a two week break, we get along really well, but lately, perhaps our relationship is getting a bit stale, perhaps we're settling into a ritual. i tend to think that of the things she said to me that she's not committed to the relationship. i need to move on, im afraid for the two weeks to be up, deep down, i know i need to move on if she doesnt love me enough to know that every relationship goes through a rut.
daphne Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 stars, If you're willing to settle for someone that isn't as crazy about you as you seem to want, by all means go back. I believe what they say first is the real deal. He said he's not in love with you. He may love you, but honestly I doubt he is in love with you or you wouldn't be having these fights. When a guy is in love with you, it's hard to miss. They would do just about anything to make you happy and you don't usually have to ask.
SoleMate Posted May 8, 2006 Posted May 8, 2006 Yes...learn not to pick fights, and don't yell "BULLs***!!" at people. Your attempt at reconciliation was as bad as the previous offenses. It's good that you're planning to learn to control these negative behaviors. However, you feel that his hurting you by theattempted breakup is worse than the way you hurt him with all the fights and criticism. A great way to show that you have really changed would be to let his attempted breakup not be an ongoing problem if you do get back together. It's not like he had no provocation. Please read The Feeling Good Handbook by David Burns to learn how to control these negative thoughts and behaviors.
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