xxbaddgurl83xx Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 My boyfriend of 3 years has numerous female friends whom he recently became in contact with again after years of not talking to them (thanks to the social web site MySpace). Well I have seen these girls pictures and I must admit, these girls are very pretty and it makes me feel so insecure. I'm not a unattractive person but I am slightly overweight and from the looks of these picutres I don't put as much effort into my appearance as these girls do. Well my boyfriend was engaged to this girl about 7 years ago and he hasn't seen her since they broke up. He found her profile on this web site and just sent her a message to say hi. When I asked him who he was typing to he said his ex and I flipped. I didn't get angry at him but I just got really really insecure and starting crying. My inital thought was, she is so much prettier than I am and he is probably going to fall back in love with her; even though she is engaged to be married. I don't understand why I can't accept the fact that my boyfriend did have a life before me. I just think that every girl from his past is so much more attractive than I am, including his ex. I don't understand why he would be with someone like me! She is pretty, skinny and has big boobs; she is everything that I'm not! I hate feeling like this and he told me that I am beautiful and he only loves me and he promises that he will never contact her again if it bothers me this much. He is always telling me that I'm beautiful but I never believe it. I keep telling him that those are just words and he needs to show me that I'm beautiful. Which leads to this question... how can he show me that I am beautiful without just telling me? What can I do to get over my insecurities? I feel like his friends and ex are probably looking at my profile thinking "eww why is he with her?". I hate feeling like this!!!!
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 i know how you feel...i hate myspace too...because my ex was constantly messaging beautiful stunning women all the time etc to be honest i never got over the insecurity it made me feel...but then again he'd already cheated on me with my bestfriend not too long before so the huge lack of trust and insecurity was already there. try not to feel too insecure about it hun, it's you he's with not them/her you could help battle your insecurities by doing things like going to the gym buy yourself some new sexy clothes etc make yourself feel good...could help only a suggestion
catgirl1927 Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 MySpace is the devil. I have only been there one time, someone sent me a link to a funny page. I'm a little old for myspace, though. Being insecure sucks, and most of it comes from within you and has nothing to do with him. But it's pretty crappy of him to be keeping in touch with his exes and saying, oh but I love you. Then WHY?? My feelings about these "friendships" are well documented. It's a very tough situation. You just have to decide if you can live with it or not, because he won't change. Trust or don't trust. It's simple, but it's certainly not easy...
Curmudgeon Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I don't understand why I can't accept the fact that my boyfriend did have a life before me. What I don't understand is why he's rubbing your face in his past by re-contacting these women when he's supposed to be with you. We all have pasts and that's easy enough to accept but when they're allowed to become our present, that's when the trouble begins. If you didn't have insecurities about him and your relationship before, I can certainly understand why you might have them now and it has nothing to do with the way these girls look. After all, you're the one he's with. However, it has everything to do with him bringing them into your life.
crazy_grl Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I'm pretty surprised at the responses you've gotten. I don't think contacting his ex is any big deal. He probably didn't think it was either. He is always telling me that I'm beautiful but I never believe it. I keep telling him that those are just words and he needs to show me that I'm beautiful. Which leads to this question... how can he show me that I am beautiful without just telling me? To me, it sounds like he's already doing that with things like this: and he promises that he will never contact her again if it bothers me this much. There are so many posts around here about people's bf/gf getting all defensive and making the other person feel bad because they have a problem for something they've done like contacting an ex (though usually it's something much worse, like spending the night with an ex, posting profiles on dating sites, etc). Your bf didn't try to try throw anything back on you. He just sad he'd stop contacting her if it bothered you. If that doesn't tell you you're more beautiful and more important to him than she is, then I'm not sure what will. What can I do to get over my insecurities? I feel like his friends and ex are probably looking at my profile thinking "eww why is he with her?". I hate feeling like this!!!! I think that's something you're going to have to work through on your own. Maybe talking to a counselor or reading some books will help.
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