Roarz Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 My gf broke up with me about 8-9 months ago...during that time she has gone through another relationship (strange one, lasted 5 months, was long distance the entire time, he broke up with her) and has just gotten out of it. I finally did NC a few months before her new relationship, and after a couple of weeks she invited me out to eat with her to "tell me something important". All she had to say was that she was sorry she had acted like such a bitch and that it's a phase and she was out of it...and made sure to include "but that doesn't mean we're getting back together". So kind of a low blow there (coulda just apologized on the phone or email lol), so I just let it go and continued more NC, which was usually every couple of months, she would contact me online, we would engage in small talk (nothing about our personal lives) and that was that. During the one at the beginning of this year, she made sure to let me know she had a boyfriend. I got really pissed and told her off. No contact then for a few months, until we ran into each other on campus, to which she acted like nothing had happened, and then continued the every so often IM chats. During these chats I would act totally uninterested, giving short replies and ending them first (even though secretly I loved it). I stopped signing on for about 2 months (to stop myself from looking at her away messages). One day I finally decided to log back on and she was still on my list so I looked at her away message and it had a bunch of sad love song quotes ect. Checking up on her myspace and such it turned out that she had been dumped by him. Later on, sure enough she IM'ed me asking me why I hadn't been logging on at all. Even though I was ecstatic about a possible second chance I still kept up the whole uninterested act (mainly because I had gotten used to it after so long), and she ended it with "maybe we'll see each other this summer!". So anyway to get to my question...I really want to touch base with her again and possibly start something new up. I was her first real relationship and I figured maybe seeing that the grass wasn't greener she would want me back again. Anyway I had decided on just leaving a friendly IM msg saying that I'd like to see each other sometime this summer and when she wanted to she could call me to set something up (to show that I was open to doing something [our previous fight and my subsequent uninterested attitude may have left the idea that I hate her] and to leave it up to her, since she was the one that broke up with me. So I go to leave it and see that she's offline, which is weird because she's one of those people that leaves her AIM online all the time. Using one of those block checker things, sure enough I found out she had blocked me, which is weird because I hadn't done or said anything at all but pleasant small talk online, which she herself started. She has done this before a few times over the course of our breakup, and even through her new relationship, for no apparent reason at all, which later is undone and she starts up another conversation. So what I want to ask is kinda two-fold. First, WTF is up with the random blockings? I suppose this means she is at least thinking about me, but unfortunately maybe not in the way I want. And second, how should I go about getting a second try at the relationship? Keep waiting, or call her up and ask her out somewhere? Help me out here Loveshack, you haven't steered me wrong yet .
Alexandra Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 So what I want to ask is kinda two-fold. First, WTF is up with the random blockings? I suppose this means she is at least thinking about me, but unfortunately maybe not in the way I want. And second, how should I go about getting a second try at the relationship? Keep waiting, or call her up and ask her out somewhere? Help me out here Loveshack, you haven't steered me wrong yet . Well for one thing those programs that are supposed to tell you when you've been blocked are notoriously unreliable so you can't know for sure. Even if you could, it's entirely possible that it had been disturbing to her to have to keep up a rather cold contact so she did the serious NC thing and blocked you. Do you think she read the message you sent though? As for waiting, waiting for what if you're so very sure she's blocked you? A change of heart? If you're really that interested and have invested all this time into waiting for a second chance I would say that yes, calling her would help because it would at least make it clear whether or not she still has some interest. You can of course, say that you were worried (you're not supposed to know about the block) because she was never online anymore and take the conversation to asking her out from there. One last point, it sounds from how you described it like you are both very young hence it makes sense but you should know that it reads dangerously close to "a game" and try and find out -about both of you- if it's the game or the relationship you're more interested in. Good luck.
Author Roarz Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Yeah we are both young (19). I never got to send the message through because she had blocked me. About the game thing...if it is a game then I don't want to be playing it, that's why I kept up the distance when she was dating that guy. I am all for just calling her and asking her out somewhere (I know she would say yes), but I'm afraid if I'm wrong that it's gonna end up being "just friends" and that is definately not what I want. I mean how bad would it be to go out a few times, think things are going well, and then ask her if she' d like to date exclusively again only to be turned down? That's why I'm trying to get input on what she is really thinking, so I can go in there as sure as possible. On the whole waiting thing...I've had it ingrained so far into my mind that *I* should be the one to be recieving something from her and that if I call her up myself and ask her that I will have ruined all chances and be put into the "friend zone". Maybe I've just taken a good piece of advice too far lol.
Alexandra Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Okay well first of all why did she break up with you? Read what I said above about why she may have blocked you but I sense you're searching for a success guarantee and sadly I don't think there is any, no matter how much data you'd give us, we here will still know her and consequently how she thinks LESS than you who has been in a relationship with her for months.
Author Roarz Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 I'm not really sure on the reason myself, because all the ones she gave me were things she should have known about a long time ago (Relationship lasted for 2 years) and quite frankly they sounded made up (we arn't the same religion, I'm not social enough, "just lost the spark", ect). This happened a month after she got to college for the first time (we go to the same school) and I think was just because she had a crush on another guy she had met. I think this because only a week after she broke up with me they started dating (for only a week, and then he told her he didn't want to anymore). I asked her if she liked him while we were dating and she said "No, I just started to like him after we broke up (lol, great coincidence huh?)." During the first few months of the breakup I did the usual ridiculous crap like call all the time, pressure her to spend time with me, beg to get back together, ect. Eventually it started to wane off, because she started turning into a horrible person, and at one point told me that she was "sorry she was so popular" and that's why she didn't want to spend any time with me (even though she said she "really wanted to still be friends"). At that point I just let her have it, telling her what a bitch she had become, and finally implemented real NC. 2 weeks later she called me out to that restaurant to tell me that "something important" I wrote about. But since she said herself "that doesn't mean we're getting back together" I just kept up my distance routine, saying that "don't worry, that's not what I'm thinking". I told her it'd be hard to be friends and I wasn't sure if I wanted to still. And no longer than 30 minutes after I got home after that she was talking to me online acting as if nothing had ever happened. Eventually I just told her I wasn't ready to be friends yet, and she finally stopped for a bit. That's when the every few weeks AIM conversations came. I didn't want to burn bridges, so I just let it go and talked casually, kind of distant, hoping she would eventually say she wanted to be with me again herself. And so that's how it was until she told me about her new BF, and that's where the first post started. I've been asking a few people about this and really what I am looking for is a sure guaruntee, but I know I'll never get one. Getting as much advice and such on the situation as I can doesn't hurt though.
Author Roarz Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Well, had a slight change of things. Just as I was about to go to bed she IM's me..so I after a bit of talking I stick in there that we should hang out sometime soon, and she was very receptive to it and after that the whole tone was kind of different. The conversation went on for so long I had to end it or else it prob never would have. At the end of it I got "I'll definately call you!" so maybe things are looking up for me. And if it ends badly at least I can say I did all I could .
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