movinon05 Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Sorry about the TJ, kids... I'm proud of you. I'm proud of your progress and your resolve. I hope that you can be proud too of that. me too, kiddo.
zarathustra Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 BeachRosie!! I do believe your story is full of success, as is mine! Ce La Vie!! I ended it because it was hell living the emotions! I will admit, I have my days where my thoughts are not free of my ex MM, however today, I am not carrying the dead weight of emotions. Very insightful, RC. In that case, here's my success story... I see my xMM for who he is. He's a heartless, thoughtless and selfish person who didn't consider the consequences of the actions he took. He could have spared his family and me the pain of heartache, but he didn't. He left me to pick up the pieces by myself. And you know what? I did. I succeeded in overcoming him. When I let him walk all over me, I gave him the power to do so. I was able to take it back. I did it respectfully and lovingly, but I have it back.. my power... my life. I will always remember him. There will be times when I will remember the joys of our first kiss, the electric chemistry felt the first time he touched my hand, the feeling of being home the first time he held me close to his heart. But most importantly, I will always remember the pain he caused me and the ones important in my life. I will never forgive him for leaving me in a lurch with no place to go, with no one or no where to turn to. This will keep me from ever falling back into his arms and into his life. And that, my friends, is my success story.
RealityCheck Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Zara..... Indeed you do have a success story. My heart breaks for you and I and many others that have been so deeply hurt. I am happy for you that you were able to move through the experience and see it for what it was being "empty and unfullfilling".
zarathustra Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Zara..... Indeed you do have a success story. My heart breaks for you and I and many others that have been so deeply hurt. I am happy for you that you were able to move through the experience and see it for what it was being "empty and unfullfilling". Thanks RC... it is really mourning a death of what could have been and mourning the death of promises made and dreams dreamed. The cruelty is, its also mourning what really never was. Anyway, I've not seen him for a couple of weeks save his mass emails to our team. Yeah, I'd prefer it if I didn't see his name even, but I can't run and hide from my work.
RealityCheck Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Zara..... *sigh* Like mourning a death is so true, but the Ba*st*rd is still alive!!.....lol Sorry, I really couldn't resist that one!!
Jessie61 Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 If you continue an A with him, and "wait and see" what he'll do... he will DO NOTHING. I agree. "Waiting and seeing" is a fool proof way of making sure that NOTHING happens....
eyeswideshut Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Ok, now I've read everything I've needed to read in order to finally decide for myself that I truly need to walk away. on days where i think i'm okay, I just cave in again when he sends an email or phones. Last weekend, I ran a half-marathon. Came home, was absolutely feeling like the QUeen of the world. (I told him I needed to sleep this weekend (no booty calls) because I had a run early Sunday morning. He phoned on Thursday to say : I won't be calling you this weekend because I know you need your rest, for the run, etc. In that phone message, he said: I feel you are distancing yourself from me this week, but I understand. This made me a bit angry like: What? You understand! You mean you are letting me walk away without a fight?!?!?! Then on Sunday he emailed, Monday too, looking for me. Last night he emailed twice with cute poems, stating he was looking for me, blablabla. It was soo cute and funny, that I wrote back, just to get him off my back so I could concentrate on moving on. I just wrote an easy email like: my run was fine etc... I emailed back because in my mind I was fine with moving on, but I also really figured if I can't have him, maybe I can have his friendship? Then I realized, s***, I'm back to square one. I want to do the NC thing. but how? in a way I am afraid of breaking all contact because it's like i won't know what he's up to?!?!?! how the hell controlling is that? It's like I want to know what is going on in his life, so I can keep close tabs on how he's doing? before this whole thing we were great friends. can't we go back to that? But reading what I've read from OldEurope, I totally see that he will never make a decision if he has my friendship. He even said once, I am trying to figure out who you are in my life: my soulmate, the reason I have to leave my wife, or someone who will make me appreciate her again. Yikes! How do you all finish it off, and do they respect your demands? (I'm talking especially to those who are succesfully in NC mode for a week or more, but will welcome any advice.)
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Ok, now I've read everything I've needed to read in order to finally decide for myself that I truly need to walk away. on days where i think i'm okay, I just cave in again when he sends an email or phones. Last weekend, I ran a half-marathon. Came home, was absolutely feeling like the QUeen of the world. (I told him I needed to sleep this weekend (no booty calls) because I had a run early Sunday morning. He phoned on Thursday to say : I won't be calling you this weekend because I know you need your rest, for the run, etc. In that phone message, he said: I feel you are distancing yourself from me this week, but I understand. This made me a bit angry like: What? You understand! You mean you are letting me walk away without a fight?!?!?! Then on Sunday he emailed, Monday too, looking for me. Last night he emailed twice with cute poems, stating he was looking for me, blablabla. It was soo cute and funny, that I wrote back, just to get him off my back so I could concentrate on moving on. I just wrote an easy email like: my run was fine etc... I emailed back because in my mind I was fine with moving on, but I also really figured if I can't have him, maybe I can have his friendship? Then I realized, s***, I'm back to square one. I want to do the NC thing. but how? in a way I am afraid of breaking all contact because it's like i won't know what he's up to?!?!?! how the hell controlling is that? It's like I want to know what is going on in his life, so I can keep close tabs on how he's doing? before this whole thing we were great friends. can't we go back to that? But reading what I've read from OldEurope, I totally see that he will never make a decision if he has my friendship. He even said once, I am trying to figure out who you are in my life: my soulmate, the reason I have to leave my wife, or someone who will make me appreciate her again. Yikes! How do you all finish it off, and do they respect your demands? (I'm talking especially to those who are succesfully in NC mode for a week or more, but will welcome any advice.) Why do you need to know what is going on in his life to keep close tabs? It sounds like you want to go NC but still have hope and want to know if you have hope while you're doing so, so you know whether its working or not. And he is obviously too confused if he could actually say he's wondering if you are someone who will make him appreciate his wife again! WTF is that? How do you finish it off? From one 16 monther of NC, you go on with your life and you DO NOT CONTACT HIM. No e-mails, no texts, no phone calls, no NOTHING. If you can't handle that, maybe it would make you feel better to know that my exMM dropped a gift on my doorstep after 15 months and then flowers a month later on my car (in case you haven't seen my threads)! I did NOT contact him when he did that! Would that make you feel better to know that it is quite possible to hear back from him again? You want guarantees. There are no guarantees. The only way you can find out if he wants you for real is if you go into painstaking NC until someday you MIGHT hear from him again. But unless and until that day comes, you go on with your life. And you never know, you just might enjoy your life, maybe even meet someone, maybe realize that its not as bad as it seems. No, you can't be friends. You say you want to be friends, but its obvious you want more, IMHO. Cut it off completely and you will have your answer. But the answer won't come if you don't do it. And as time goes on if you don't hear from him, you will get angry, or you will hurt, or you will cry, or you will go out and have fun! Its the price you have to pay.
RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 EyesWideShut! I've been NC for 5 months. Do they respect that? Hell No!!!.....lol My exMM always finds some lame excuse to email me. The last email I received was 5 days ago asking if he can call me and ask me some questions. He went on to say that "he's not thinking clearly" so he would like to wait until he's a little bit more stablized!......lol WHATEVER! Just stick to your guns! Its tough, tempting and frusterating as H*ll! Keep in mind, the A is very much like an addiction. You have to live each day at a time and not think of the "ifs", "whens" or "hows" you will get over the MM. One drink of his nonsense, and your right back to where it started! Back to shaking, trembling, and depressed! After all they are an aniti-deprecent!... Good Luck! Stay Strong! We're all here for you!!
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 EyesWideShut! I've been NC for 5 months. Do they respect that? Hell No!!!.....lol My exMM always finds some lame excuse to email me. The last email I received was 5 days ago asking if he can call me and ask me some questions. He went on to say that "he's not thinking clearly" so he would like to wait until he's a little bit more stablized!......lol Omigod they are so f-ing clueless! I'm getting angry again! lol! And so I say again, selfish pricks!
RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 MovinOn..... Clink, clink! I'll drink to that! *laughing* *Hug*
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 MovinOn..... Clink, clink! I'll drink to that! *laughing* *Hug* You say you've been NC for 5 months. Have you ever responded to anything he ever does? I'm sorry I can't remember everyone's story. Clink.. right back at you.
RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Movinon.... I did respond to an email from him the day after I told him "I'm outta here". Only because...sob...sob.. I felt sorry for him! I know! I know! WTF..... *smacked myself upside the head* and never did again! Now pass me that bottle of wine will you!! *laughing*
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Movinon.... I did respond to an email from him the day after I told him "I'm outta here". Only because...sob...sob.. I felt sorry for him! I know! I know! WTF..... *smacked myself upside the head* and never did again! Now pass me that bottle of wine will you!! *laughing* Nothing terrible about responding one day after you went NC. but now you're 5 months and he's still trying???? after all this time??? and saying he needs more time??? What makes him think you still want him that he would leave a stupid message like that! stupid prick!! lol!!! Sorry, I'm on beer tonight. But you're welcome to it!
RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Movinon.... *okay, a beer will do, thanks* Gulp....gulp... I truly believe he really is "life stupid"!! Not to mention, because our sex was so incredible, he probably thinks he's the only male on the planet that has a dick! *laughing* Who knows! Its all so sick! hicup...hic..hic
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Movinon.... *okay, a beer will do, thanks* Gulp....gulp... I truly believe he really is "life stupid"!! Not to mention, because our sex was so incredible, he probably thinks he's the only male on the planet that has a dick! *laughing* Who knows! Its all so sick! hicup...hic..hic Was this the only time he wrote in 5 months? Or has it been continuous? If it was continuous, I'd have had to send him a nasty e-mail. Oh you just reminded me of a guy I dated. Get this: In between one of my many NC and goodbyes to MM, I started dating. I met this guy online who said he was separated. We saw each other a number of times and he knew all about my MM. One day I got a nasty e-mail from his W calling me a whore, and I could have him. She reamed me. I didn't know WTF or WhoTF it was at first. I called him and he said pay no attention, she's crazy. So a few days later I'm online and she writes me again and wants to know why I didn't respond. So I IM'd her. Turns out he wasn't separated at all. And she saw my name on his buddy list. We had a nice little conversation IMing, but I didn't give her all the details. I just told her that he said he was separated and I also told her I want nothing to do with him. I wished her luck and we ended it amicably. Then I get phone calls from him, in which I told him leave me the F alone. He knew what happened to me with MM and always shook his head like he couldn't believe a guy could do that to someone. Then he said, "Don't be mad." I was like, WTF!! ARe you kidding me?? What a friggin loser!! Sorry for TJing. I don't even know which subject we're on anymore!! lol!
eyeswideshut Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 It's weird because I'm not really feeling any pain at all. FOr me, I've been grieving my long term relationship which I ended almost two years ago with my fiance. BUt no tears for the MM. He was like a tiny beacon of light in my life. When we started up last August, he was mostly trying to see how I was doing because he knew about me and my fiance for years. He was secretly pining for me over the course of all those years. When he found out I broke it off, he was aggressively pursuing me, but I was in like the: I'm not ready for a relationship phase. Then when his brother died and he confessed all his feelings for me, I said: I really don't think we should start something it's just the wrong timing. But he said: no, I have wanted you all these years, and it's not just because my brother died. So I kept saying no, and he kept saying yes, and that he'd leave his wife etc... blablabla. Then when he broke it off with me in March, to go to counseling with his wife (he had been putting it off since the death of his brother), I said: Good, maybe it's a sign I need to go back to my fiancee and work things out with him. While he was grieving his brother I was grieving my 8 year relationship. I just don't know why he insisted on starting something when it was clear I wasn't ready. Now I think it's for the best, but why the hell did he start it??? Anyway. Yes. NC is the way to go. Do I tell him though? Or do I just disappear? Moving on, I read all your posts. you are so strong, it's unbelievable. I can't get over the roses. That is too much! I'm secretly hoping Jessie will get her answer in June, and a positive one at that. I gave myself a deadline of June 24th. But i have to stay strong, his wife is leaving in June and he will be all alone. (she is going for three weeks) Of course I know he will be knocking my door down. I need to do the NC before June so that he knows he won't be able to come running to me. I will be needing all of you in June. Well, on a positive note, all my "summer men" are coming back to the city for the summer. They will keep me occupied. (i have some guy friends who like to wine and dine me every summer when they are in town. They are so sweet, so young, and they take good care of me,) hahhaa If I write a novel about all this will you all buy a copy?
RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 *Deuymmmm* *Your killing me over here* *laughing so hard!* You know, I am not going to respond at all. Especially not a nasty email! Heck, I want him to loom in his pathetic life, knowing I remain sweet!! Your story of the guy you dated! De je vous! OMG....the same damn thing happened to me! The W contacted me through my email and blasted me out of cyber space! I contacted her and told her very much the same things you addressed and that was that! clink....
Blind Illusion Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t68968/ What an incredible post!!! Thanks for pointing it out, Erica. It has life lessons to dwell on even outside of the affair situation.
erika2610 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 What an incredible post!!! Thanks for pointing it out, Erica. It has life lessons to dwell on even outside of the affair situation. You're welcome
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 It's weird because I'm not really feeling any pain at all. FOr me, I've been grieving my long term relationship which I ended almost two years ago with my fiance. BUt no tears for the MM. He was like a tiny beacon of light in my life. When we started up last August, he was mostly trying to see how I was doing because he knew about me and my fiance for years. He was secretly pining for me over the course of all those years. When he found out I broke it off, he was aggressively pursuing me, but I was in like the: I'm not ready for a relationship phase. Then when his brother died and he confessed all his feelings for me, I said: I really don't think we should start something it's just the wrong timing. But he said: no, I have wanted you all these years, and it's not just because my brother died. So I kept saying no, and he kept saying yes, and that he'd leave his wife etc... blablabla. Then when he broke it off with me in March, to go to counseling with his wife (he had been putting it off since the death of his brother), I said: Good, maybe it's a sign I need to go back to my fiancee and work things out with him. While he was grieving his brother I was grieving my 8 year relationship. I just don't know why he insisted on starting something when it was clear I wasn't ready. Now I think it's for the best, but why the hell did he start it??? Anyway. Yes. NC is the way to go. Do I tell him though? Or do I just disappear? Moving on, I read all your posts. you are so strong, it's unbelievable. I can't get over the roses. That is too much! I'm secretly hoping Jessie will get her answer in June, and a positive one at that. I gave myself a deadline of June 24th. But i have to stay strong, his wife is leaving in June and he will be all alone. (she is going for three weeks) Of course I know he will be knocking my door down. I need to do the NC before June so that he knows he won't be able to come running to me. I will be needing all of you in June. Well, on a positive note, all my "summer men" are coming back to the city for the summer. They will keep me occupied. (i have some guy friends who like to wine and dine me every summer when they are in town. They are so sweet, so young, and they take good care of me,) hahhaa If I write a novel about all this will you all buy a copy? In your particular situation, I would tell him you are going NC. I think I've said this to you before. You have a long history with him, friendship, your brother's best friend. I think its only right. But that is where it stops. And you should not wait til June. it sounds like you're waiting til after she comes back so you can have 3 weeks with him. That defeats the purpose. If you think he might change his mind after spending 3 wonderful weeks with you, and then you can go NC, and he will come running, don't bank on it. NC has to start now. And you cannot cave while she's gone. Perhaps he needs to be alone for 3 weeks to sort out his own feelings. I think it would do him a world of good. BY HIMSELF! And if he does come knocking down your door, do not open it. (easier said than done, I know). But if he really was your friend for so long, he should respect your decision. Of course they all should, which is why I say selfish pricks, but you've known him a long time. And look at all the wonderful guys you've got lined up just waiting to wine and dine you. Geez, I wish I had that! Well, truthfully I found out that there were many waiting to wine and dine me, I just had to put myself out there and found them on an online dating site. This is only my gut talking, but I think you are going to get on just fine as long as you make it clear to him you are going NC and moving on with your life. If, at some point, he figures out what the heck he is doing with his life, then he can contact you, but you cannot give him guarantees. Make sure he knows and ask him if he knows how unfair he is being to his "friend". If you stick to NC you will ultimately get the answer you seek.
movinon05 Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 *Deuymmmm* *Your killing me over here* *laughing so hard!* You know, I am not going to respond at all. Especially not a nasty email! Heck, I want him to loom in his pathetic life, knowing I remain sweet!! Your story of the guy you dated! De je vous! OMG....the same damn thing happened to me! The W contacted me through my email and blasted me out of cyber space! I contacted her and told her very much the same things you addressed and that was that! clink.... Ummm. What the heck is Deuymmmm?????? And good for you for not responding. You've got strength girl!
Blind Illusion Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I never really replied to this thread, I see. Basically, its because I was finding it hard to word what I feel. No, it's not a success insofar as the MM and I rode of into the sunset together. Hardly. Nor is it as success because there are sometimes i feel like he takes me too for granted and I have lived between contact in the past and cried too many times to mention. As this chapter concludes in my life, that's not what I want to remember. I want to concentrate on any good things that might have resulted. I happen to think that most life experiences have some positive benefit, even if it is jut to teach us a life lesson. Anything that adds in some way to our emotional growth has to have some semblence of success in it. I'd like to think so, anyhow.
RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 MovinOn... Deuymmmm....is the long drawn out version of "damn". Sorry, I'm a writer and I do get carried away at times! Just has more of an impact! *laughing* As far as strength, I do believe I'm letting my "Ego" work now! The jerk shattered my heart! It's in the repair shop! In time, it will mend. It always does. *hug*
RealityCheck Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 BlindIllusion... I agree. Every life experience has some form of purpose. That is exactly how I view life. Good for you!
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