visotech Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I have read numerous accounts of relationships, long ones, that turn sour for a couple months and come to an end. Do you ever think that people focus too much on the present? I mean if a couple was 6 years in the making, had a bad month or two and split up...don't you think theres a lot bearing on those last 2 months as opposed to the ... 60 months they were togather? You wouldn't sell a house that you've been living in for 6 years because one month your water heater went bad... It just seems like sometimes couples put too much bearing on whats happening now and disreguard the fact that up til now they were fully compatible. Similarly this happens when couples put too much into their diffrences, when they agree on 95% of the issues, but the same couple of issues keep comming up and kill their relationship.... Maybe im just rambling, but does anyone ever feel this way?
Brittanyjean06 Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Depends on how the past was, If it was bad most people tend to stay in the past and never let that go, but the good they don't look at it and realize how much they have gone through with one another. Some people just don't really know what they have( had) until its gone forever, sad isn't it. It's only logical to live in the present because that is now, the past can be when eachother were different and present where they have grown or changed, I think during a relationship the begining which can be two years, you look back on the past and hold done to hope, but after your with someone for a while, It's just one of you looking at the past :-(
KittenMoon Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I think sometimes it's not because of the bad few months, but because of what those bad few months might be fortelling. My ex and I were together 6 years, 4 in college, started the downturn after school as certain personality issues (his workaholicism, my lack of direction in life) began to be magnified. I still have some hope for "us" someday, but I realize I was hanging on with an effort he wouldn't return because of those issues above. I feel like I was alking down the same path with someone, towards the same desitination, but now we have different paths to take and I don't know if they'll ever meet up again. The past is always a foundation, but you can't live in a foundation right? We're constantly building upwards.
Lonestar Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 You wouldn't sell a house that you've been living in for 6 years because one month your water heater went bad... I would if my house suddenly became haunted with demons. I'd run without packing...
batesal Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Depends on how the past was, If it was bad most people tend to stay in the past and never let that go, but the good they don't look at it and realize how much they have gone through with one another. I agree with this. Sometimes people although they have had a bad past would rather be with someone who treats them a way that they became used to. A way where they had alot of attention, even if it meant to go to the next level (abuse, being accused of stuff, being cheated on, drugs). Does it suck, Yeah, it does espeically if you try to do everything you can not to be that person that she had a relationship with. What I have learned is that it doesn't matter how long you were with someone, but when they are tired of you, that begin to feed on all the bad things that happened, and began to use that experiences to fuel them to not love or care about you anymore, and yeah 6 years of good times and memories in your mind can be 2 months of "I don't care about him anymore" in their mind. What is sad is that you can give someone you love 100% you, and it is either not enough, or worse they take and use their past to run their future. It's what happened to me. There is honestly nothing you can do for these people, only pray for them. KittenMoon said it best: The past is always a foundation, but you can't live in a foundation right? We're constantly building upwards. Or would you like to have the same pay rate that you had 6 years ago? People need to stop living in the past, cause they hurt people and don't know why.
scobro Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Actually ,most people either live in the past and put their whole self identity in what has happened to them in the past or they seek for the future as a salvation...when I meet that perfect person ...when I get the perfect job ...when I make more money then I will be happy.What most don't realise is their is no such thing as future since it happens now and the past is always gone.So real the only thing there really is ...is the Now. Echhart Tolle The power of Now
blind_otter Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 I have read numerous accounts of relationships, long ones, that turn sour for a couple months and come to an end. Do you ever think that people focus too much on the present? I mean if a couple was 6 years in the making, had a bad month or two and split up...don't you think theres a lot bearing on those last 2 months as opposed to the ... 60 months they were togather? You wouldn't sell a house that you've been living in for 6 years because one month your water heater went bad... It just seems like sometimes couples put too much bearing on whats happening now and disreguard the fact that up til now they were fully compatible. Similarly this happens when couples put too much into their diffrences, when they agree on 95% of the issues, but the same couple of issues keep comming up and kill their relationship.... Maybe im just rambling, but does anyone ever feel this way? The past no longer exists, except inside your mind. The only reality that you should be dealing with is the present. That's where you are. The past has already happened, and the future has yet to occur. You can't walk to a destination backwards. That tends to make people fall off their path.
Campnou Posted May 9, 2006 Posted May 9, 2006 I think sometimes it's not because of the bad few months, but because of what those bad few months might be fortelling. My ex and I were together 6 years, 4 in college, started the downturn after school as certain personality issues (his workaholicism, my lack of direction in life) began to be magnified. I still have some hope for "us" someday, but I realize I was hanging on with an effort he wouldn't return because of those issues above. I feel like I was alking down the same path with someone, towards the same desitination, but now we have different paths to take and I don't know if they'll ever meet up again. The past is always a foundation, but you can't live in a foundation right? We're constantly building upwards. I am living the same situation you lived. I was in a relationship for 7 years. Most of it was during college. She's always been a workaholic and I was a med student. Our problems came these last few months. She's in a very competetive job and I'm currently studying to pass the USMLE Step 2 (Medical License Exam). During this time we have slowly drifted apart. It seems she doesn't see in me the drive she has. She's scared for our future. I know this is a temporary situation but she's tired. It's normal, I don't blame her. We still love each other and we decided to take a little breather because I felt her frustration was indirectly hurting me. We were hurting ourselves and it made me feel very bad. I was afraid that what we had was dieing a slow death. So we decided to spend some time apart to see what happens. I really don't know what's going to happen. In these situations everyone has fears of the unknown. Will we move on separately? Will we be back together when things "get better". Will she want to? Will I want to? It's been 2 days since our seperation and it's been tough. I have been having trouble concentrating these days. I do not know what end awaits us. On the upside, I feel it's going to let us heal from these last months of feeling sad, hurt, angry, depressed, guilty. When the moment arrived, we knew it was time for a breather. We sat down and talked about it, cried, and said goodbye. 7 years. You look back and you see the best days of your life, a quarter of your existance spent with another person. Having to go through the conversation was torture for both of us. Having to say goodbye to 7 years took balls. I just hope that whatever comes of this, it is for the best.
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