Forever Searching Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 I had been dating someone for over two months. Things were going fine and then he started the whole distance thing about 3 weeks ago. I pretty much let it go as long as I could but then he started going days without calling even for a 30 seconds just to say hi and no emails or anything so it bothered me and I told him that because that wasn't like him at first. I am the type of girl that thinks if you like someone you want to show them that. I dont' know maybe I"m the one that's crazy and screwed up!! I'm starting to think so. So, yesterday I get an email stating that we need to "lay off" for now. That he feels the place he is at right now and the way he is acting lately isn't fair to me and he likes me a lot but doesn't want to hurt me. Ok, that was via email not even a call. He said I'll call you later and no call at all. I'm crushed that I didn't even deserve a phone call. I mean I could sense that maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship even though he said he was and I should have just listened to my instincts because I never do when I get red flags and I"m always the one getting dumped. I want to contact him so bad but I know I can't because it will just make the situation worse and he won't realize he made a mistake unless I'm out of his life so what do I do to stop the pain????????
scobro Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Just get on with your life and the pain will eventually go.I am going through pain from a breakup as well.
DewMountinMix Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Yeah, he should have atleast had the courage to tell you to your face. To me you shouldn't break up over the email, not even on the phone. Something that important should be done face to face. Life does go on though, I was recently in a breakup, one that ended badly. I thought I'd never get over it but each day it gets easier. So all i can say is, Be strong.
Author Forever Searching Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Thank you for the replies. The thing that hurts the worst is now I'm finding out what a lier and a cheater he really was. Guess I shouldn't ignore my instincts anymore
daphne Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 Hang in there. Try to stay busy. Clean your house. Do every chore you needed to get done in the last month. Watch lots of comedies (no sad movies, no dramas, no love stories). I'm in a similar situation (not a cheat that I know of) and I have been dating and playing lots of poker. It keeps me from calling. Don't call him, whatever you do.
Author Forever Searching Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Thanks again for the kind words. I guess the worst part that I'm dealing with is the feeling of rejection. It hurts to know that someone just didn't like you enough to want you. I know it's part of life and I've rejected people to, but still, it's rough on a person.
shelters Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 Guess I shouldn't ignore my instincts anymore Rejection is not fun by any means. What struck me the most was the above. I would work on getting to a place where you delete the word "guess" and where you have a firm 'period' to the end of the sentence... otherwise you will continue to have opportunities to learn this lesson (you listening to your gut), and why not learn it now and avoid future pain.
scobro Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I am 35 since my early 20s I have been in 3 serious relationships lasting over 2 years each the third was a marriage that was 2 years(lived together for a year) and I have dated 3 women all lasting in around under 6 months.In every single relationship I got dumped I have never ever ended any relationship so you would think I would be use to it but........ no I am not . The last one happened on Sunday because the womanafter 4 months said it was getting too serious and she isn't ready for a serious relationship with anyone right now.She acted very into it etc etc then out of the blue i GET DUMPED!!!She gives me the I need time:rolleyes: .It never gets easy and it sucks every time but it does go away.
Author Forever Searching Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 I know.. I always tell my self before I start dating anyone new that I will listen to my instincts this time. I never do I think people just use the excuse I'm not ready for a relationship as just that an excuse to not really tell the other person why. I'm not saying that's the situation every time but I personally wouldn't get involved with someone if I wasn't ready. How stupid is that?? I mean if you are really into someone you are not going to want to just throw it away. That's why I feel this way right now. I feel like something is wrong with me cause no one wants me
shelters Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 I know.. I always tell my self before I start dating anyone new that I will listen to my instincts this time. I never do I feel like something is wrong with me cause no one wants me If you are seeing this as a pattern where you have instincts that you consistently don't listen to, then you are actually turning your back on yourself before anyone else is. So it is *you* who is doing the rejecting/abandoning (of yourself) first. That definitely is a good recipe for feeling lots of pain and feeling like there is something wrong with you.
cylai Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 a classical line :" he is just not that into you...." It hurts, but it is darn obvious. I suggest that you find a mission/purpose/hobbies. Do something that you enjoy doing. focus on what makes you happy, and not him. Believe me that many people including me have been through your stage. Someone recommend me a book and it has helped me tremedously. You can check it out from my signature file below. May the light be with you!
SubUno Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I know exactly how it feels. My girlfriend of three years just broke up with me because she says she doesn't love me anymore. I know it hurts, but trust me, if you talk to him, its just going to make things worse. It's better to never know why than to remove all doubt. Good luck! I really hope everything works out.
Fun2BMe Posted May 5, 2006 Posted May 5, 2006 I am going through the same hurt you are. I am in the early stages where he is not calling me like before and rarely emails and there are communication problems. It is very hurtful and I have a feeling there is not going to be a good ending. I wish I knew how to hurt less too.
Chinook Posted May 6, 2006 Posted May 6, 2006 I had been dating someone for over two months. Things were going fine and then he started the whole distance thing about 3 weeks ago. I pretty much let it go as long as I could but then he started going days without calling even for a 30 seconds just to say hi and no emails or anything so it bothered me and I told him that because that wasn't like him at first. I am the type of girl that thinks if you like someone you want to show them that. I dont' know maybe I"m the one that's crazy and screwed up!! I'm starting to think so. So, yesterday I get an email stating that we need to "lay off" for now. That he feels the place he is at right now and the way he is acting lately isn't fair to me and he likes me a lot but doesn't want to hurt me. Ok, that was via email not even a call. He said I'll call you later and no call at all. I'm crushed that I didn't even deserve a phone call. I mean I could sense that maybe he wasn't ready for a relationship even though he said he was and I should have just listened to my instincts because I never do when I get red flags and I"m always the one getting dumped. I want to contact him so bad but I know I can't because it will just make the situation worse and he won't realize he made a mistake unless I'm out of his life so what do I do to stop the pain???????? The Fade is when a guy (or girl) hasn't got the guts to end things properly. You can actually google this and see loads of sad experience out there. As Shelters has said, you do indeed need to trust your instincts. There is NOTHING wrong with you... if there were, he wouldn't have dated you in the first place. Simple thing is that things changed FOR HIM. Don't take it personally... I guarantee that if you asked he'd come up with some lame excuse but actually, there is NOTHING you did and NOTHING which was wrong. It simply wasn't right for him. As for stopping the pain. It will stop... in time. It takes some time but it will come to pass.
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