hopelessly_naive Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 My boyfriend whom I love and loves me is leaving at the end of the summer to go to a university that's about a 45 minute drive from where we live. I know when he leaves it will be difficult, but we've accepted that this is the way it has to be. But now around once a week my boyfriend begins to feel guilty that he'll leaving me here by myself and he starts to make comments like "maybe I'll go maybe I won't" or "I want to go but I don't want to leave you", he keeps saying that until I say what has now become my standard line of "you have to go, we'll still see eachother, but you have to go so you can get your degree to do what you want". I'm starting to resent him for this, I can honestly be okay with him leaving but not if he keeps questioning his decision infront of me just because he knows I'll reassure him that going away is what he needs to do. I can't be the one to talk him into going because although it's selfish of me, apart of me wants him to stay. Does anyone have any ideas how I can get him to stop talking to me about this? Because if he doesn't stop soon I'm going to just say okay, stay.
littlekitty Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Tell him what you said here. Tell him that if he's made the decision to go then you 100% support him, but that you can't be expected to reassure him all the time. That you want him to go, and you are doing your best to support him, but that (of course) a part of you wants him to stay. Therefore it's unreasonable of him to place the need for all the reassurance at your door. Tell him you need him to be strong and resolved to go and do this and make your relationship work. Tell him you need him to be positive about it too. Communication is key!
Walk Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Wonder if he's worried about going because he's worried you'll forget him. Do you two have a plan for getting together, calls, seeing each other and keeping things alive? That might help ease his fears some. Littlekitty had great advice. Definitely talk to him.
Author hopelessly_naive Posted May 3, 2006 Author Posted May 3, 2006 Thank you for the advice. I did talk to him today, I explained that I just couldn't be the one to ease his fears about this. He admited to me that most of his fears are for me, he'll be off on his own for the first time, going to school, living in a dorm where there will be school and parties to distract him; but I'll still be here doing the same thing I'm doing now except he won't be here, and since the I won't have any new good distractions he's worried I'll miss him too much. I have no idea what to tell him about that (since it's true and even my parents are planning for me to breakdown once he goes). As for us having a plan, yes we do, although it's subject to change right now he's already announced to his parent's he's coming home on weekends and I can go up there maybe once during the middle of the week. And even though we both HATE talking on the phone we're going to give it a try since it's more personal then instant messaging eachother. It's just going to be a big change from seeing eachother almost every day to seeing eachother two days a week at best.
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