Numbheart Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Since I joined recently I have found this site theraputic, I have made a few replies to some posts, some of which tell part of my situation. Typically, it is easier to give advice to others having problems, than it is dealing with my own. However, I am now feeling the need to get this out for me, rather than hi-jack other posts...I am sorry for the length of this! This is all about a very short-term and very intense relationship, it is the sole reason I am here now. I am 37, been around the block a few times!.. always thought I had been through every relationship and every break up in the book, been dumper and dumpee, been hurt, yadda, yadda, always thought I was now able to cope with any break up that would ever happen in the future (if indeed any did)....I've always coped in the past and never felt the need to start searching for answers or indeed come to a forum like this. I've had 2 long term relationships, 1 for 6 years (+ house together), others from anything between 1 month to 18 months, never really been single until I ended my last 18 month relationship....just usual stuff after seeing through the time that we were never as compatible as we initially thought, especially once she moved in.... it meant a lot to me but was better ended. Thought I'd take a break from relationships for 6 months, give myself time to get over her, and get me to be happy being single. This turned into 18 months, happiest I had ever been in my life, great social life, great friends, etc....got myself focussed, still not thinking I was ready for someone but not against anything happening. Now, a few months ago I ventured into a local store and had an instant HUGE attraction to a girl who works there, not just looks,it was also personality, mannerisms, etc....I noticed every little detail which is something I do not usually do with anyone....this also appeared to be instantly recipriocated from her. I'm not a guy who has EVER asked anyone out, not ever, not once!...in 37 years things have either just "happened" or they have asked me. So this was a huge deal for me, the attraction was so strong between us that I just had to ask her out a few days later......a first! I had no idea if she was single, but took the plunge (by phone at her store though as I bottled it trying to do it face to face!) and she said yes she would love to. However, she told me that she had left her ex husband about a month ago and things were difficult, I said ok no problem, your probably not ready to be doing this at the moment and she replied that her marriage and feelings had been dead for the last 2 years and she assured me she was more than ready to start seeing someone else. So I asked her for her number, so I could get in touch with her maybe 3 or 4 days later and arrange to go out....she sent me a text with it about 5 mins later and I replied saying thank you......150 msgs later that day and things had gone supersonic, not what I was expecting, or looking for, but loving it! Within days it had got to a point of both of us wanting to talk and be with each other 24-7...quite scary how that is possible but it happened and I would say was mainly initiated by her, I did not want to push anything but was happy to go with the flow. We had both said to our friends how quickly it was all going and they all said if it feels right dont question it, so we didnt! Now, I have always been the type of person who never expected to meet his ideal, never had it...I've had some very good relationships, but not one of them was ever there 100% on every level I have ever looked for, maybe 90% on 1 level, 50% on another, 100% on another, etc, but never on all and to be honest, I never actually expected to ever find it. This blew me away, because this was 100% on every level I have ever looked for and just when I thought things could not get any better, something else would happen to make it even better!.....so I'm talking bowled over by this and I'm also being told by her that its exactly how she felt also, she was so keen for me to meet all her friends and family and vice versa, which all happened and we both had the same effect with our parents, they had never liked anyone so much before. Before we know it we are both head over heals with each other, things just keep getting better and better, not only is everything fantastic but it all felt so natural and unforced, it felt like we had been together a few years, there was nothing strange or uncomfortable with anything between us. So hopefully if anyone is still reading this, your now getting the impression of how good this is with both of us, our friends, family, etc can see how happy we make each other, and I'm not stupid, I've been through enough stuff in the past to know when I'm being lied to or led on, I could see how happy she was with everything with us too. Yes, she was going through a lot of s*** with her divorce and boy was that complicated but you could see she was so happy that she was dealing with it well. Now we are at this pinnacle, with things going still from strength to strength, plans for the weekend to go out to dinner with different friends, etc, both of us really looking forward to it, I get a message from her at 7am Friday saying she cant wait to see me later that day and looking forwards to the weekend. 7.45am I get a message from her calling everything off between us! No warning, no signs, just bang!....here I am still at the high point, the pinnacle of my feelings and now just stunned! Basically, she had been so keen to tell a friend of hers the night before all about me / us and this friend had turned around to her and said it would never work between us, as it was all far too soon for her after her leaving her husband, that she had been in relationships for the last 9 years and never experienced the single life style which her friend thought she needed to do! I was just nummbed by it all, its hard to explain, I semi accepted that it all died there and then as she had felt the need to now do this, but also had so many questions, didnt want it to happen and certainly didnt understand, especially as I was so sure that she was head over heals with me and this was the best thing that had ever happened to her, how could anyone let that go?...I certainly could not. I thought maybe as it had been a quick 180 that it may U-turn again if she was confused, I was willing to let her go as I thought she felt enough for me to come back. We had messages between us most of that day, me trying to understand, her trying to explain, I asked to meet her and she said it would be too emotional, so she rang me.....after talking with her, it helped me understand a little more, that she felt she needed space and time alone to go through all the divorce, before she could even think of commiting to a relationship again, and that morning, after she had spoken with her friend the previous night, had given her a reality check that as we felt like we had been together for years, that it brought back all the issues within a relationship that she thought she was now over and able to cope with, but realised she still can not yet.....I say this clearer now as I understand it more now....whilst it was happening I was just hearing yadda yadda, need to be alone, yadda yadda, never lied to you about my feelings for you....ugh....does not equate! She also told me that this desicion was harder for her to make than leaving her husband and had hurt her as much as she knew it had hurt me. The conversation was emotional and ended with me saying thank you, it sounds like right person for both of us, wrong point of your life, I'd always want what we had back again.....she said I'll bare you in mind!!! Now, I understand I never knew her that well, after all it was only 2.5 weeks and I did only see her good side, but I do know she is a hard fronted person, and always said never go back about things....I once said to her that does not sound good if anything ever happens between us and she replied well I've never felt like anyone like I do with you so things may be different. Thing is, current time now, she is certainly in the never go back point, her hard front came straight back. I left things with NC for a week, but felt I couldnt let her go without trying one last fight, I was advised to send her some flowers with a letter, which I did, I got an instant response saying thanks, but have to be strong and not go back, cant cope with all the pressure of the divorce and this please dont contact me again! I responded as knowing she wasnt coping with things hurt me and I wanted to be there for her (I know bad move) and got another reply saying I was scaring her with how obsessive I had become and please leave her alone now!....so I sent one final response saying sorry, I was just trying to show her how much she meant to me and I had gone too far by trying too hard, but it was really done with the best intentions at heart. 3 weeks on, I had to contact her by text to get a number, she refused to give me number but said she would pass on message to the person involved.(I dont know if she thought I was going to ask this person about her, if we could get back together,etc?) I thanked her and asked if she was ok. said I wasnt asking to try an chase her, I accept the situation, I just care.....no reply. Sent another one a few hours later saying sorry for asking, dont know what I have done so bad to deserve being treated like this and take care of herself....no reply, not that I was now expecting one. So its now been just over a month and I'm still at the same emmotional point I was with her on the day of the split, I have never been at this point in my life before. I'm still suffering the high point of my emotions for her, I had no negatives with us or her, so everytime I think of her its all good.....an I just cant stop...believe me I want to stop as the hurt is getting worse not better, especially as I am now being treated by her like I am the one who has done something wrong. If the relationship had gone further forwards, more time may have given me some negtives to focus on....I have not been like this with someone who I have split up with after 4 weeks, but then we never felt like this about each other either! It is killing me to think that she will probably never talk to me again and looks to me like she for whatever reason has now lost all respect for me. I cant look or concentrate on the problems that we had to make things easier for me, as we had none.....this is all just so unnatural to me, it is alien. I'm usually back on my feet by this point, get knocked down, stay down a little then get back up or get back up straight away depending on the relationship. What is the point in getting back up from this one?....it took 37 years for something like this to happen to me, 100% on every level I ever looked for, I'm realistic enough to realise its highly unlikely it will ever happen again, and I seriously dont expect her to ever come back (although god knows I want her to) so if I get back up, its going to be for 2nd best.....that was always good enough for me previously as I always thought 100% on all levels was just a fantasy, that was until I experienced it! If we'd had more time together, those levels may have lessend in time, the fact is, it was taken away from me at the high point and that has been the hardest thing in my life that I have ever had to deal with and still cannot. It is the most bizzarre experience I have ever encountered, I dont really expect many people to understand it, it may just look like puppy love, infatuation, or lust, to many ....I know within myself it was not, it was pure strong and so natural, with such an un-natural end.
Art_Critic Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 I know it is tough.. I have been there myself but you need to put it in perspective. It was 2.5 weeks.. it wasn't a relationship that you had it was an aquaintance. Hell it can take longer than 2.5 weeks to do some small project in the yard or for the oil on a painting to dry.. Please put this in perspective.. Since you have given her the impression that you are a bit unstable you need to leave her alone. I know it hurts.. but you seem to have way too much invested in her for 2.5 weeks.. maybe it was just the buildup from hibernating and not realizing that you were setting yourself up. Learn from this and try and move on.
Author Numbheart Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 Yeah I know what you are saying and believe me I am trying to put this into perspective. I have compared it to everything else I have ever been through (which is hell of a lot), and it really is not the time that matters, its the feelings and what happened within it that counts. I was led to believe that it was mutual, not one sided, although now it is looking like it obviously was. She obviously felt the need to let it all go, regardless of whatever she had told me previous to that and I am left trying to deal with it. My feelings are still so strong because it was split in its "honeymoon" period when everything is great, after reading one of the posts that Riobikini made on short-term relationships its helped me understand what I am going through right now is not actually out of the norm.....it doesnt help the hurt go though! Respectfully I'm interested to know why you think I have given her the impression I am unstable? I have left her alone, we had 3 or 4 days of text communication, initiated by both of us, she was always willing to talk, and I was always saying I was not bitter, I was just trying to understand more as it was such a shock for it to happen...only when I stopped and left things for a week before with the flowers thing, is that when she replied to leave her alone. I was advised by my friends wives and girlfriends to try this approach, as they could see how much it meant to me, she had previously told me she still loved me after the split and was still really hurt about it all, so didn't really see a problem with trying one last move before loosing her....obviously I see now it went against me. Too much invested in her?....if your talking about feelings and emotions, then I had the same as she was showing me, I have so many messages from her saying she saw us as a long term thing, she promised to never mess things up between us and would I promise to never hurt her, these were all initiated by her and made me start opening my eyes to the full potential of where this could go when I went into it without looking for a long term future. I really do not know what to learn from this, learn that nothing is ever as good as it seems (I think I already knew that) or learn that I will never have what I once experienced because too good to be true, is always too good to be true? I am genuinely interested to know if I have come across as unstable, as I do not think I am, my friends seem to think I am of sound and genuine mind, but I have been thinking I may need some therapy with all this, as I have never been so upset about any break up in my life before, especially when I have been upset for almost twice as long as the "aquaintance" Hence me being here right now.
riobikini Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Numbheart, re: " and got another reply saying I was scaring her with how obsessive I had become and please leave her alone now!...." The above statement from your post is where I obtained my information that she may view you as "unstable". Do you not agree that it appears that way? I seriously do not believe you are unstable in the true sense of the word -at least, you have not given me any reason to believe you are teetering on any ledges. But it appears that your love interest does, indeed, think your repeated attempts and methods to make contact are obsessive, and perhaps, unstable. Solution: 'No Contact'. And, here's a link for you: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/showpost.php?p=780491&postcount=17 -Rio
scobro Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 100% on every level Obviously not or she would be with you. I just had a 4 month relationship end because it was getting too serious for the woman.Everything was amazing and bang she says it's too serious and it must end.I will never figure out women.
dgiirl Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 I am genuinely interested to know if I have come across as unstable, as I do not think I am, my friends seem to think I am of sound and genuine mind, but I have been thinking I may need some therapy with all this, as I have never been so upset about any break up in my life before, especially when I have been upset for almost twice as long as the "aquaintance" Hence me being here right now. The relationship developed way way way too fast with someone who wasnt emotionally ready. I'm currently separated from my husband, it's been over a year, and i'm STILL not emotionally ready to get involved with someone. From my own experience, I think she freaked out and ran, and you pursuing her just made things a lot worse. You've only known her for 2.5 weeks, clearly you cannot love her because you dont know her. However, this relationship must represent something for you in your past for you to get so emotionally attached so soon. When I went into therapy, my therapist told me those "soul mate" situations represent something in our past that we havent dealt with. I've heard this many times since then too. When we choose a partner in life, it's usually someone who will repeat our childhood dysfunctional patterns with. Obviously, you dont realize this, but it goes on subconsciously. The more intense the initial feelings, the more issues they'll bring up for us. I think therapy might be a good idea for you.
Author Numbheart Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 Numbheart, The above statement from your post is where I obtained my information that she may view you as "unstable". Do you not agree that it appears that way? -Rio Yeah, I agree from that, that it does and to be honest, when she said that to me it made me wonder why?....it was my first contact after a week, I hadnt been pushing her and had previously told her she would always be the one that got away.....she had replied to that asking if I was now ok and things were then pretty much left on good terms. I thought she was understanding, I know underneath everything she has a heart of gold, I just thought she would understand my angle. I took her initial response to the flower thing, (you know the bit that says she needs to stay strong and no going back, she cant cope with everything at the moment and having to have time of work due to it, so please leave her alone as she cant cope,) as she was still being upset by hearing from me and couldnt cope with all the emotional stress....looking back at her previous messages, I think its what she was telling me all through it, but jeez, I couldnt cope with it either, my work has gone to pot, I thought she would realise that I was coping as badly as she claimed to be...and maybe thats the problem, she was and I was only adding more pressure to it, although it was the last of my intentions.....once I realised that, I sent her a message to say I saw it and was sorry for unintentionally doing it, I wouldnt contact her again and hope she got herself sorted out and that nobody ever hurts her in the future......I truely feel enough for her to only want to see her happy, if thats without me, then so be it but that hurts like hell!! Trying to put things into perspective a little more with the short time span. Throughout my many relationships, aquaintences, whatever you wish to call them, some have been long distance (an hour or more away) 2 have been international. Now this, was (as many have been) local to me, 15 minutes by car. I own my own business and also help out at another which is only 30 seconds from her store, therefore allowing us to meet up at lunch, pick her up in the evenings to either take her back to her parents (where she is now living again) or come and stay with me. When I say things went supersonic with us, I meant it, literally within a few days we were always with each other, she would take afternoons off and my business allows me to take time off when ever I want to, so we were constantly together because we both wanted to be, we were both weak at the knees around each other, no matter how much we wanted to try and remain sensible with things, the feelings were just too strong....she would stay at my place most nights and I would take her to work, and then come home, etc, etc. Now, with other longer distance relationships, the time together even after 6 months, probably added up to the time I spent with her in 2.5 weeks...the feelings after 6 months were never to the point that they were with her.......is this adding up more now as to what point this relationship felt like, even through the short time it actually was? It was "THE" one! I have said Its hard to explain my feelings within this and for people to understand, but to both of us, this felt like it was at a point of it being much longer than it actually was and to be honest, I know my feelings could not have got any stronger for her....we both fell hard and fast....or so I thought! I will not ever contact her again, God knows I want to, even just to know she is coping better 3 or 4 months down the line, but thats really all down to my caring side, not because I want to be back with her (although I do want to be back with her,I know that does not make sense, but it does to me!) I still think I will be ignored and that hurts like hell.....I'm adult enough to know when something is over, and I am adult enough to maintain a friendship, I like to stay in touch with some of my ex's now, even if its only once a year, its only ever been on a know you know me and no hard feelings type basis as I have accepted situations. Others I would not give the time of day to and my fear is that I am going to now be one of those with her
Author Numbheart Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 The relationship developed way way way too fast with someone who wasnt emotionally ready. I'm currently separated from my husband, it's been over a year, and i'm STILL not emotionally ready to get involved with someone. From my own experience, I think she freaked out and ran, and you pursuing her just made things a lot worse. You've only known her for 2.5 weeks, clearly you cannot love her because you dont know her. However, this relationship must represent something for you in your past for you to get so emotionally attached so soon. When I went into therapy, my therapist told me those "soul mate" situations represent something in our past that we havent dealt with. I've heard this many times since then too. When we choose a partner in life, it's usually someone who will repeat our childhood dysfunctional patterns with. Obviously, you dont realize this, but it goes on subconsciously. The more intense the initial feelings, the more issues they'll bring up for us. I think therapy might be a good idea for you. Wow!...I'm thinking I may need it more than I thought now! Never even realised I had a dysfunctional childhood, certainly not that I remember. I always thought I looked for people with values and morales that I see in my parents, that I have also learnt from previous relationships the bits I want and dont want. I loved her for the all the good I saw in her, I never saw the bad so never had the time to re-evaulate my feelings for her, thats my problem now, I'm stuck with all the good feelings when I need them to go. The only thing that is clear to me now is that she claimed she was more than ready for this, when she obviously was not..... and that 100% on all levels was only up until the point of break up, then they came crashing down. I do now think she needs time an space alone for her to deal with everything herself, without outside influence, so that her head is clear for any future relationship..only she can do this alone.....do I think that will happen?...nope, I reckon she will be seeing someone again within the next few months, but I could be wrong and will be the first to admit it.
Art_Critic Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 I loved her for the all the good I saw in her, I never saw the bad so never had the time to re-evaulate my feelings for her, thats my problem now, I'm stuck with all the good feelings when I need them to go. I agree that you need to let the feelings go but I disagree in the fact that you feel true love for her.. You can't.. you never spent enough time with her to have those feelings. while those feelings may be real to you they are misplaced.. I would consider counseling if you continue to believe that this was more than a fleeting moment between 2 people. If you don't let it go and continue to try and force her to love you then I can only see a judges order in your future.. you were enamored by her.. the honeymoon period takes longer than 2 weeks to start and lasts for 6 months to a year.. Again.. please see it for what it was.. just 2 weeks spent toegther.. almost like a one night stand.. Peace..
Author Numbheart Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 I agree that you need to let the feelings go but I disagree in the fact that you feel true love for her.. You can't.. you never spent enough time with her to have those feelings. while those feelings may be real to you they are misplaced.. I would consider counseling if you continue to believe that this was more than a fleeting moment between 2 people. If you don't let it go and continue to try and force her to love you then I can only see a judges order in your future.. you were enamored by her.. the honeymoon period takes longer than 2 weeks to start and lasts for 6 months to a year.. Again.. please see it for what it was.. just 2 weeks spent toegther.. almost like a one night stand.. Peace.. I see now it could never be "true love" as it was only experienced with one side to her, not all sides....but boy, it was certainly some form of love. I would just like to say thank you to everyone so far, this is helping me a great deal. I would like to point out that I have never tried to force her to love me, she did that on her own, or so she claimed....I made one push to try and not lose her....everything else I did basically said I could see why she needed to be doing what she was, but it did not stop the shock of me losing something so perfect so quickly and that I'd always be there for her if needed. Quote: Guest: " Is it just me or are break-ups from short-term relationships just as painful as from long-term ones?" It's not just you. Short-term doesn't necessarily mean "a little short on emotions" that are invested. Sure, there are brief affairs, dating cycles that only last a few weeks or months, and other types of short-term relationships which may not actually merit, nor extract a significant emotional investment from you. Then, -there's the one that 'grabs' you and you know you're 'in love' after only a few days, weeks, or a couple of months. Maybe not, maybe so. You'd be better off giving it more time, but don't leave it up to your feelings to make the decision; the 'love' feeling doesn't exactly check itself automatically, -that's up to your brain, -well, your common sense- (if you are lucky enough to still be able to rationalize during this time). But there's the clue: it's both the type of relationship, and the amount and intensity of the emotions that were invested. One of the major reasons the pain can be so great, is because these emotions were formed during the most acutely vulnerable time of any relationship: the beginning, when emotions are being spurred by very specific hormones that naturally occur during the initial phase of romantic love/attraction. It's the period when you're telling all your friends about this "amazing chemistry" between the two of you. If you break up during any one of the phases that are still producing these particular hormones in mass doses, the pain can be ultra excruciating. The above explains really well how I'm feeling at the moment, weather it was "true love" or not, 2.5 weeks or 6 months, I know what I felt was more than I have done for anyone in a 6 month period, thats what I'm not coping with and that is why I am so upset about everything still, as to me, it all looked like it had the potential to be fantastic, never having the opportunity to find that out has been gutting! I feel like I have lost my legs after just learning to walk...everything being taken away in its prime has been really really hard to deal with. I went ahead with my business 13 years ago so I would not constantly question what if......do you get my point? I still dont fully understand why this has all hurt me so much, I have been through much more than this, but this one has hit me hardest and I am really trying to understand why? I know what I need to do, doing it is something altogether completely different!
bonny doon Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 i second that. the most difficult split for me was one that lasted only a few weeks (4 tops)... it was insane that he fulfilled 100% of all levels, requirements I never knew i had, but it just seemed to fit right, right into some kind of dormant, conscious-yet-subconscious fantasy guy that i had concocted out of years of shy swooning from afar. he was like the bionic man of my fantasy life, oh my goodness it was insane!!! He fulfilled 100% of all levels, just like you said, when I never expected that there would be someone who would be there at 100% (maybe 90 or 95% tops, i was also being realistic) ... and then it was yanked away suddenly. I've had pain from ending long term relationships lasting almost 3 years and others lasting about a year, (I'm a bit younger than you) but the pain from this one that lasted 3 or so weeks takes the cake like no other. It slides beneath the surface and I'm a functioning humyn being, doing work, hobbies, hanging out with friends, planning for my future, even dating people. But then the terrifying pain of being suddenly and almost violently rejected by someone i was completely bowled over (and who I thought was also reciprocating the infatuation) pops up at my weakest moments when i least expect it, and it haunts me like a spectre, preventing my from truly opening my heart to the other wonderful (and not so wonderful) guys i've met since him. I realize that I am obsessive about this person (it's been no contact since I made a quick phone call to him and was just as quickly rebuffed last August) not in reality (i e i don't contact him) but he's a thorn in my side. i am psycho obsessing about him, it's all in my head, and i need to let go. i actually think i need some kind of counseling or very strict discipline to not let my emotions run wild over this guy. of course i've dated several guys (three people) since him, but ... since i'm still stuck on him, none of them seem to measure up. numbheart, i'm glad to hear i'm not alone on this issue. if anyone else has any advice i'd be glad to hear it. thanks in advance.
riobikini Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Numbheart, re: " I know what I need to do, doing it is something altogether completely different!" Solution: LS is a very good source of info and support, -but you also need ***in-person*** support. Get yourself a "Break-up Buddy" -not the kind you sleep with- but someone live, in-person, and easily-accessible to talk to whenever you feel the need. This will help you get through the times of self-doubt where you look back and wonder. And, -one more thing: You're gonna be ok. (Smile) -Rio
Author Numbheart Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 Thank you guys, its nice to know I am not alone. I do have a lot of friends that I have been talking to about this, but they are connected to me on a personal level, so tend to see things from my perspective. Thats why a place like this is good, noone knows me and noone is afraid to hurt my feelings for want of saying the right thing to do. Thing is, sometimes I like to get through things alone and deal with stuff myself, other times I really NEED to talk things out and throughout this, I have been helping two couple friends of mine get back together, which they now are, although I think its best for one of the couples to split, it was not my advice for them to get back together!......I know I can give good advice, just not to myself! Personal feelings cloud my own judgement with myself, its good to hear from all of you. I really feel like I do need pro advice, its kinda hard making that step and going through with it, never felt the need to do it before, but I'm here so thats telling me something, the fact that my business has suffered and I have been upset for a month solid is telling me more....never thought it was possible to cry so much over such a short term thing especially, let alone over anything (even deaths), thats the main thing telling me I really need to get some help. Its embarrasing and undignifying that I am like this, something deep has caused this and I am at a lost end as to what it is.
riobikini Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 (Smile) re: "I can give good advice, just not to myself!" Let you in on a little secret: it's that way for even the most surprising people. -Rio
dgiirl Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Its embarrasing and undignifying that I am like this, something deep has caused this and I am at a lost end as to what it is. It should not be embarrasing or undignified. Be gentle and kind to yourself! You have a broken heart, and if this is the first time you've experienced it, (like me), then appreciate it for what it is. It will give you a lot more empathy for others in the future who go through the same thing. You will learn from it and perhaps become a better person in the future because of it. Also, counselling isnt something to be ashamed about. Just try it for the experience alone. And dont give up if you dont click on the first visit. Try another therapist until you do find someone you can click with. I still think this girl represents something to you and that is what you are mourning right now, not the actual person. Maybe your dreams of what you wanted for yourself. Maybe something tramatic that happen to you as a child. Maybe a past relationship that went sour? I donno, but you can give therapy a try and worst case scenario, you dont get anything out of it but learn what therapy really is.
Art_Critic Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 You have a broken heart, Yeppers he does... I really hate the feeling myself.. Keep posting..LS is a great tool for getting over a broken heart..
Author Numbheart Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 Again thanks to all who have taken the time to read this epic and respond. Yup, I have a broken heart, however it certainly is not the first time I have experienced it, I was much younger the first time and it led to suicidal thoughts, but I knew I would never go through with anything, it just helped me get through the day, thinking that tomorrow would be the day it all ended....it was short lived and I always vowed I would never get to that point again, it was a learning experience for me and one that I think helped me a great deal.....when I look back at it now, it was probably only to try and get back at the person who cheated on me. However, 9 years on and I have been back to those thoughts, but for completely different reasons, I know it would make my ex hate me for doing it, it would hurt my family, friends, etc, and my reasons for thinking of ending everything were due to my situation, not the person.....what reason is there to go on, knowing realistically that you will never have anything so good again, why is anything worth going through this pain if nothing better will ever come of it?...if anyone understands my perspective on that from what I have said previously?.....however, dont worry, I am past that now, but the very fact that this brought back those feelings, and the fact that I would have gone ahead with it if things had been available to me at the time is very worrying to me. Again it has all made me question why this has been such a big deal to me and I keep going back to everything was taken away in its prime, without being given the opportunity to realise the potential. I know the intial stages of falling hard and fast for someone can be stupid to your sanity, I would have given everything I have ever lived and worked for, up, just to be given the chance with her, it makes no sense to my rational thinking and not something I have ever thought of with anyone else, god, I have backed people off from me in the past....I caught myself thinking this when I was with her and said to myself get a grip, but then saw she would have done the same for me and thought sod it, give it all up, possesions mean nothing in comparrison to this.....that is just not rational, sensible or resonable, I know, but it is how I felt with her, if that helps put things more into perspective? Did I go into hybernation after my last relationship?...I dunno?..maybe I did?....I always seemed to be one of these people who thought that happiness is down to a succesful relationship, it took my last relationship for me to totally realise this is not true.....thats why I ended it and was not bothered with looking for another, amongst other things, I just could not be bothered with the whole getting to know someone stage again......hmm....after just typing that, I now wonder if thats why this last fiasco went so fast forwards?....although I was loving the getting to know her bit! Anyway, I have had a call from a friend tonight, she is going to arrange for a therapist that she knows to contact me after I asked her to. We also spoke about me seeing my local GP, but I really dont want to go down the route of taking drugs such as Prozac to overcome this, hopefully I will be at a natural stage of progression in the next 6 weeks (which is the time that they start taking effect so I am told!).....I just need to clear things within my mind, something that I think therapy will help me with a great deal at the moment. If I was someone else looking at this, I'd be thinking for gods sake get a grip and pull yourself together, honestly, I think it about myself also. Trying to do it is more difficult but I am at least trying.....its just that first step that will take so much.
scobro Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Yeah it sucks I got the news last night and I have that no sleep, can't eat feeling with the wretched stomach pain.It lasted 4 months and now she says she cannot get serious right now because of her commitment issues (which are insane).We got along great had fun ,great sex and now she wants to have it as friends because it was too serious for her:( .geeeeez what a blow:rolleyes: Nothing will ever be as bad as the ending of my marriage last Aug:mad:
scobro Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Art critic You were right you gave me advice not to fall for this girl because of the 12 year age difference.......well I did and now I am hurting:(
Art_Critic Posted May 3, 2006 Posted May 3, 2006 well I did and now I am hurting:( Keep posting.. it will get easier.. It's important that you stay busy the first week or so..
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