jadedalways645 Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 Just a question. All my potential relationships always get stuck in the friend zone. They go from physical attraction and playing around to these deep relationships but then no physical. I'm mature, I can handle it. It's obviously something that I am doing wrong. So I will always ask them what I am doing wrong (not with them, with other girls) and to give me a few pointers on how to not make the same mistakes over and over again. They never help and seem to get really nervous and evasive when I bring this up. And this happens with them all. Now if we are friends then shouldn't they want to help me try to find someone? I would just blow it off as the actions of a few but it has happened with the last 12 girls. And the signs always seem to be that they maybe want to take things further but then I make a move and they reject it. But then they get jealous when I talk about someone else and ask them for a little help (one threw a drink at me and screamed that she didn't want to talk about it. Yikes. And it's not like I obsess over it. It just comes up in conversation every once in a while). Any help?
Lishy Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 It hard to say as I am not one of those girls! Can YOU think what it could be? Give us some more details on how you act around these girls!!!!!!!
Yamaha Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 You need to make your interest obvious from the start. If you wait and you become friends then women will put you in that catagory and look for a romantic partner elsewhere. Do you wait because you are afraid of rejection? Do not think that if you become friends that they will see that side of you that is sensitive and caring and want to date you. There is a window of opportunity with women but if you pass that point they lose interest.
dgiirl Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 I agree with Yamaha on the window of opportunity. Getting your feelings out in the open as soon as possible helps to know where everyone stands early on in the game. There's nothing more annoying to find out your guy friend, who you only see as a friend, has had a secret crush on you for the longest time. It makes it so awkward when the guy finally gets enough courage to say he likes you, then you risk the loss of the friendship. I would rather know up front that he likes me, i can reject him, and if he can live with that THEN we can build a friendship. But the other way around, I invest all this time into a friendship, only for him to risk it because he wasnt upfront with his feelings. If any of my guy friends asked me, I would try to answer honestly, but there's not much advice I can offer. I cant really offer any advice to someone on how to make them more attractive since I dont find them attractive in the first place. Not because anything specific they're doing, but there's just no chemistry. You cant make chemistry. What's strange tho is the reaction of these girls. Being jealous and throwing drinks. Were they just annoyed that this is the only thing you talk about? Or were they jealous you were talking about other girls? Perhaps you got yourself into a situation where the girls like having your attention, but you dont command enough respect for them to actually date you?
TheSwordfish Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 I think sometimes a girl is into you and then you make a mistake and you'll end up in the friends zone. These mistakes can vary from being to nice, being an a**h*** and so on. There is always some point where the girls behaviour changes and suddenly you are a friend instead of a potential lover. Maybe it's your personality that makes them change their minds. On the other hand some girls want to be friends before they can fall in love.... So confusing....
Author jadedalways645 Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 I just want to be clear that I am not some loser always talking about it. It comes up in conversation every once in a while. I'll admit that it takes me a long time to even decide that I want to take anything further. I was told once that women think that I am a good romp for a little while and then they are always surprised by how deep I am but one said that hugging me is like hugging a tree. Name your cliche' about my psycological issues. Abusive father (hospitalized me six times), bad relationships, death (by the time I was 19 I had been to 24 funerals, some were murdered before me). But don't get me wrong, I'm not some goth kid trying to perfect my suicide note. I made peace with it. I think I may have answered my own question though. I just thought that there reactions to the question were strange. See when I say friends, I mean from the moment they wake up to the time they go to bed they are with me. And we always have such a good time. It just happens so much that I just wanted some feedback on the question. I mean, if we are such good friends they should want to help me right? Sometimes I think they just want to keep me all to themselves. They always seem a little peeved when I want to bring other people. Just a thought, I could be wrong.
Moai Posted May 2, 2006 Posted May 2, 2006 You become their brother. What changes the relationship is the fact that you get too close to them. Trust me, I speak from experience. As much as women say that they want a man they can share everything with, they really don't. Well, they do, they just want that and another guy that they can have sex with and talk to the first guy about. Think about it. How many times have you either been the guy or heard about some poor schmuck sitting across from an amazing woman describing everything she wants in a man, and the whole time the guy is thinking, "She is describing me? WTF???" and then she goes off with someone else? I've had it happen to me before.
Author jadedalways645 Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 You know, come to think of it, they never talk about anyone they like to me. They never really share their personal thoughts and feelings to me. I know what it sounds like but they hardly ever treat me like a brother. I'm really beginning to think that I wait WAY to long to make a move and by that time they are unsure. The reason being is that when things don't work out and I tell them that I am going to disappear for a little bit but I will be back, they always react like it is a breakup (hell, one slipped into a major depression for a while). The truth is, I don't have the slightest clue when it comes to relationships and I'm not good at reading signs but I know that these things are not just cliche' "friend" situation. I've heard what they said, and their reactions to certain things are hardly "friend" reactions. But it still doesn't answer my question. If girls value friendship as much as they claim, then they should act like a friend and try to make the others life better. I don't want this thread to turn into a "I love friend, friend doesn't like me" thing. I know the problem is me because I am the only common denominator in all these equations. I just firmly believe that friends should help each other, and I don't understand why they react the way they do when I bring this up (and I repeat, I don't bring it up all the time, it comes up as often as any other topic). I mean, when they want help with their college work I am happy to help. I think it's the same as if I were wearing stupid clothes someone would say something. All I'm asking is for a little guidance from someone that could look at me from an outside perspective.
Author jadedalways645 Posted May 2, 2006 Author Posted May 2, 2006 I think sometimes a girl is into you and then you make a mistake and you'll end up in the friends zone. These mistakes can vary from being to nice, being an a**h*** and so on. There is always some point where the girls behaviour changes and suddenly you are a friend instead of a potential lover. Maybe it's your personality that makes them change their minds. On the other hand some girls want to be friends before they can fall in love.... So confusing.... I've been told a lot that I am a mystery and I can be too much of a loner and distant.
runner Posted May 4, 2006 Posted May 4, 2006 firstly, i think you need to find new friends. secondly, right from the start you need to make it more obvious whether the relationship is romantic or platonic. any show of ambiguity will probably compel her to throw you into the 'friend zone', even if she really is attracted to you. curious - are you not comfortable having guy friends, and specifically looking for female friends ?
Author jadedalways645 Posted May 4, 2006 Author Posted May 4, 2006 First off, I have lots of friends on both sides. I have never had any problems making friends and I don't hang with any certain group. Judging by these answers I am getting I still don't think anyone is hearing what I am saying. This thread is NOT ABOUT ME TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH A FRIEND. I was just wondering why wouldn't these girls who claim to be my friend want to help me find someone. They always seem to get possesive of me. Let me see if I can make this clearer. Let's say a friend tells you that he/she is going to buy a car. They ask you for advice. Now as a friend you would tell them how to go about it, how to present yourself, stay away from certain deals, etc. That's what friends do. They help each other achieve a goal. Now, once again, THIS IS NOT A THREAD ABOUT ME TRYING TO HOOK UP WITH A FRIEND. All I am asking is why is it that my female friends (the ones that I hang out with all the time) always seem to get real coy when I ask them for a little advice and pointers on what I could do to better myself on this situation. KInd of like asking for help on this thread. I just don't get the possesiveness that seems to come over them. But maybe I am missing something on this thread and my perspective of the answers is all wrong.
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